Two Pints of Lager and
a Packet of Crisps

regulars:
• Sheridan Smith as Janet Smith, later Keogh
• Ralf Little as Jonny Keogh
• Natalie Casey as Donna Henshaw
• Will Mellor as Gaz Wilkinson
• Kathryn Drysdale as Louise Brooks
production credits:

• Susan Nickson, creator & associate producer
• Stephen McCrum, producer [ Series 1 - 5 ], executive producer [ Series 6 ]
• Helen Williams, producer [ Series 6 ]
• Sophie Clarke-Jervoise, executive producer [ Series 1 - 5 ]
• Geoffrey Perkins, executive producer [ Series 1 - 2 ]
• Michael Jacob, executive producer [ Musical Special, Series 4 - 6 ]
• Jez Nightingale, line producer [ Series 1 ]
• Jo Alloway, line producer [ Series 6 ]
• Paul Mayhew-Archer, script editor

1st Series Spring 2001

1. "Fags, Shags and Kebabs"
   gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ], Tony Bluto [ Mayhew barman ], Roger Ennals [ Haman ]
   In Runcorn there are two nearby pubs: the Mayhew where friends Janet, Donna, & Louise drink; and the Archer, where friends Jonny & Gaz drink. When Donna mentions to the already-partnered Janet that she's looking for a boyfriend, Janet gets her live-in boyfriend Jonny to persuade Gaz to go on a blind date. Despite the misgivings of Donna and her mother Flo, the date in the Mayhew goes well, even after the attentions of Louise who has got a job there as a barmaid, and Jonny, who tries to put a spoke in the wheel of what he sees as a future of joint couple dates. Donna accompanies Gaz back to his bedsit, but her passion is cooled on discovering what he has stacked in his cupboard.
   b: 26 Feb 01 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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2. "Spunk"
   gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ], Victoria Connett [ Katie Henshaw ]
   Gaz hasn't called Donna in the week since their date, to soften her up for an undemanding relationship. The girls are weighing themselves, and Louise finds she weighs more than she did at 14 for the first time since then, and goes on a diet and exercise regime. Donna gives up waiting for Gaz, and goes round to his pad, where her mother phones to invite him round for a meal and to meet the family, including Donna's very forward sister Katie. On Gaz's advice, Jonny is trying to treat Janet mean, to keep her keen, but then goes missing, so everyone has to drop what they're doing and go searching for him.
   b: 5 Mar 01 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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3. "Bone with the Wind"
   gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ], Mark Rice-Oxley [ Kev ]
   Donna moves her toothbrush into Gaz's flat, and he reacts badly, thinking it's the first step to moving in completely. Meanwhile, Flo is encouraging Donna to move out of the family home. Louise is getting chatted up by Kev, who, from her description, the other two are convinced is gay - it turns out they are right, and Louise decides to make the best of things by becoming a ‘fag hag’. Janet tries various ways to improve her love life with Jonny, but just makes him suspicious.
   b: 12 Mar 01 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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4. "Angry Wangry"
   gs: Georgina Beer [ Old lady ], Matthew Green [ Cameron ], Samantha Lavelle [ Sexy thing ], Kelly Jones [ Michelle ]
   Gaz wants to feel more attractive to women, and hones his chat-up techniques, only to be discovered by Donna at a club. Janet accepts an invitation from arty fellow-student Cameron to perform at a student poetry evening, and has to be rescued from her embarrassment by Jonny.
   b: 19 Mar 01 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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5. "Lard"
   gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ]
   Louise is worried about her hairy arms. Donna offers to ‘clear up’ Gaz's place, and does a bit of redecoration in pink as well, which causes him to say some things he regrets. Janet tries to become a comedienne, with no success until she starts insulting the others. Jonny feels attracted to Louise and kisses her in the park, but his ardor is cooled when he finds that she tastes of lard. Gaz stupidly blurts this out to Janet in the pub, later.
   b: 26 Mar 01 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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6. "Ugly Babies"
   gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ]
   Janet looks forlorn, having been sick again - perhaps nothing unusual, but she worries she might be pregnant. Jonny bemoans to Gaz that he wants more in life than to be doing in his twenties what he was doing in his teens. But when Janet tells him her fear, he takes it badly, till Louise comes to the Archer to tell him off, when he decides it's too good an opportunity in life to pass up. Meanwhile, back at their flat, Janet can finally take the test, which turns out to be negative. Later, Donna tries again to have a discussion with Gaz...
   b: 2 Apr 01 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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   2nd Series Spring 2002

7. "On the Blob"
   gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ]
   Gaz reacts in horror to Donna's hints that she might be pregnant, fleeing the flat almost naked, and Jonny has to calm him down and make him see the positive side of the situation. With her mother's help, Donna realises that she has got her dates mixed up. Louise thinks she's psychic, with only occasional success.
   b: 15 Apr 02 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick
   NOTE: This episode may have been made as part of the first series, as Natalie Casey's hair is substantially shorter than in the other episodes of this series.

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8. "Bungle"
   gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ], James Frost [ James ], Malcolm Lord [ Bungle from Rainbow ]
   Louise has a posh new boyfriend, James. Jonny wins £1000 on a scratchcard, and is at a loss for what to do with it. Gaz suggests going on holiday with him, or buying drugs. Janet hopes he will now buy a ring and propose to her, and throws a dinner party for everyone, which turns out disastrously when the lads let slip their views on marriage. Jonny finally decides to hire a children's TV character for a day, complete with bouncy castle.
   b: 22 Apr 02 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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9. "Dirty Girls"
   gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ], James Frost [ James ]
   Janet re-discovers a love letter from a gorgeous ex-boyfriend, 'Phwoar' Andy, and resorts to deception to prevent Jonny becoming jealous. Flo asks Donna to move out so she can set up a massage parlour in her old room. And, unable to decide why she doesn't fancy her boyfriend James, Louise experiments with gay sex.
   b: 29 Apr 02 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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10. "Vomit"
    gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ], Oliver Boot [ Andy ]
    Gaz wants to propose to Donna that she move in with him instead of staying with Jonny & Janet. Jonny falls ill, and has to be nursed by Gaz. Louise buys a cute puppy. Janet meets up with Andy again in the pub, and things go a little too far.
    b: 6 May 02 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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11. "Crusty Curtains"
    gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ], Oliver Boot [ Andy ]
    Louise's blurting out to Jonny about Andy having kissed Janet has caused a split between Jonny & Janet. Donna and Gaz decide to get their relationship off to a sound start by sorting out any areas of contention straight away, so they each make lists of 'demands' on the other. Jonny so annoys Janet that she goes off to Donna & Gaz's to stay, but Donna isn't in. Donna is so upset by the quantity Of Gaz's 'demands' that she goes off to Jonny & Janet's to stay, but Janet isn't in. Louise goes round to both homes and gets the wrong idea.
    b: 13 May 02 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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12. "Mo Mo and Pigsy"
    gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ], Oliver Boot [ Andy ]
    Louise is unsuccessfully trying to predict the future of her friends' relationships with astrology. Gaz becomes increasingly worried about what has happened to Donna after going to her mother's house, and gets Janet to help him. Jonny becomes increasingly worried about what has happened to Janet, and gets Donna to help him go to Andy's house to confront him, where Andy shows them a family heirloom wedding ring. When the couples are re-united and reconciled in the pub, Jonny proposes to Janet, offering her a familiar ring...
    b: 20 May 02 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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    3rd Series Spring 2003

13. "Munch"
    gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ], Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Oliver Boot [ Andy ], Gareth Turtle [ Tramp ]
    Janet accepts Jonny's proposal, providing that he gives her a proper ring, for which he must find a job. But this proves impossibly hard, so Janet has to relax her requirements. Louise finds out why boyfriend Andy has so much money - he's incredibly mean. Gaz discovers he has a half-brother, a strange character called Munch, when their father gives Munch a job at their garage.
    b: 23 Feb 03 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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14. "Fish"
    gs: Jonathon Dutton [ David Fish ]
    Jonny asks Janet to quit smoking, which turns her irritable, angry, wild and finally violently amorous. Louise receives another Valentine's card, and agrees to meet her secret admirer in order to discover his identity, but when she takes Janet & Donna along for protection, Janet takes her role too far. Donna moves in with Gaz, and they discover each other's little ways, like Gaz has a phobia about sheep, and Donna doesn't want to have sex all the time, which he takes personally, and arranges his idea of an erotic evening, which she misunderstands.
    b: 2 Mar 03 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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15. "Kangaroo"
    gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ], Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Jonathon Dutton [ David Fish ], Rob Jarvis [ Peter Smith ]
    Janet has not told her workmates that she's getting married, nor even her parents, so Jonny promises to ask her father for her hand in marriage if she writes him a poem about turtles. David is not getting on well with Louise, so she decides to grow up a bit to be more attractive to him. Donna decides to go along with what she thinks Gaz's fantasies might be, and dresses up as a dominatrix nurse for him, but he brings Munch home as well. Jonny returns home after asking Mr Smith, and tells Janet that he said 'No'.
    b: 9 Mar 03 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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16. "Beastiality"
    gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ], Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Jonathon Dutton [ David Fish ], Leyla Nejad [ Simone ], Kay Bogart [ Wedding dress woman ]
    Munch takes an increasing shine to Donna, and worms his way further and further into Gaz & Donna's life. Janet and Jonny continue to plan their wedding, but on a minuscule budget, since Mr Smith will not be paying. Janet buys a second-hand dress that's far to large, and Jonny writes invitations on toilet-tissue sheets. David lets slip that he once slept with Donna, which Louise finds it hard to cope with; she keeps insulting Donna until Donna hits her hard. The register office phones to say they have a cancellation for the next day, which Janet accepts without asking Jonny.
    b: 16 Mar 03 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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17. "Hospikal"
    gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ], Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Jonathon Dutton [ David Fish ], Rob Jarvis [ Peter Smith ]
    Jonny goes round to persuade Janet's father to approve of their marriage, and pay for the wedding. He discovers that Mr Smith has a dirty secret, and blackmails him into agreeing, but Janet suspects that something like this has happened and forces Jonny to tell her. Gaz tries to avoid Munch and ends up in hospital. Donna uses the opportunity to trick Louise into making up with her, so that they both can be bridesmaids.
    b: 23 Mar 03 w: Susan Nickson d: Caroline Jeffries

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18. "Dresses Dresses Dresses"
    gs: Jonathon Dutton [ David Fish ], Barbara Durkin [ Bridal shop assistant ]
    Janet's father gives her £500 for her wedding dress, and she invites Donna & Louise to drop everything and go shopping with her - but at the shop Janet wants to be the center of attention, which is the start of trouble, involving an obsequious assistant. David takes Louise to tai-chi in the local park. Jonny and Gaz discover a secret new kind of beer, when they steal an unattended barrel outside the Archer.
    b: 30 Mar 03 w: Susan Nickson d: Caroline Jeffries

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19. "Fockin' Mokky Bocka"
    gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ], Jonathon Dutton [ David Fish ], Jennifer Hennessy [ Julie ], Stephanie Roscoe [ DIY store boss ]
    Jonny gets a job in the wallpaper section of a DIY store, but gets bullied by his immediate supervisor, Julie, and when he complains to the manager, she makes an offer to get him out of trouble that he finds unacceptable. Gaz and Donna are kept awake all night by the people downstairs playing loud music. Louise begins to get a phobia about growing old, and David tries to help her overvome it, but she decides to regress to being a baby.
    b: 6 Apr 03 w: Susan Nickson d: Caroline Jeffries

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20. "Jammy Dodgers"
    gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ], Jonathon Dutton [ David Fish ]
    Janet wants to have a row with Jonny, because the sex afterwards is so much better, but harmony steadfastly rules in their household, until Janet accidentally demolishes one of Jonny's towers of biscuits. Gaz persuades Donna to go out more without him, but she prefers staying in with him. Meanwhile Louise at last allows David to sleep with her, and has a night of endless love, so much so that she can't face another, but is still disappointed when it doesn't live up to the first night.
    b: 13 Apr 03 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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21. "Dump"
    gs: Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Jonathon Dutton [ David Fish ], Jocelyn Barker [ K P ], Lauriette Essien [ Supervisor ]
    Gaz gives Munch lessons on how to chat up ladies, which ha badly needs. David introduces louise to his deaf cousin, K P. Janet makes a wedding present list, and allows Louise to by some cheap Tupperware because she is a student, but expects Donna to buy something expensive because she has a job, even though it's minimum wage. Jonny helps Donna get the stuff from the local tip. Louise goes on a home visit with her Social Services supervisor, and finds that it's Munch's home.
    b: 20 Apr 03 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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22. "Schluballybub"
    gs: Beverley Callard [ Floella Henshaw ], Jonathon Dutton [ David Fish ]
    David gives Louise a plant to look after as a test; she kills it and dumps him. Gaz keeps going to the toilet, to check on a below-the-belt health problem; when Janet diagnoses what it is, he blames Donna for it. She takes offence, and storms out of his bedsit. She and David bump into each other, and renew their previous friendship. Gaz & Jonny see them going off together. Janet is having second thoughts about marrying Jonny, as she thinks she has stopped loving him, missing that 'Schluballybub' feeling, but he is oblivious to her cooling, so with the heaviest of hearts she decides to leave him.
    b: 27 Apr 03 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick
    NOTE: The song over the closing credits is Everytime by A1.

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    Musical Special

23. "When Janet Met Jonny"
    gs:
    As Janet leaves the house and her relationship with Jonny behind, she discovers a photo taken on the night that they first met. In a series of songs, the five friends recount the events of that night, and how it was love at first sight for the two, though Janet getting her baps out did help.
    b: 8 Feb 04 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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    4th Series Spring 2004

24. "Corinthian Dies"
    gs: Jonathon Dutton [ David Fish ], Alison Mac [ Kate ], Paul Regan [ Taxi driver ]
    Jonny fails to realise that Janet has left him. Gaz reads the letter she left, which starts "Dear Jonny, This is not about you..," and takes it literally. David fails to persuade Donna into anything that would be unfaithful to Gaz, and she decides to go to University herself. When Janet is feeling really low in the pub, with no one to support her, Kate introduces herself. Louise persuades David to come back to her, and promptly dumps him just so she can have the upper hand. Finally Jonny discovers the note, reads it and is so devastated that he burns his Action Man.
    b: 15 Feb 04 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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25. "Piggy Goes Oink"
    gs: Rob Jarvis [ Peter Smith ], Jonathon Dutton [ David Fish ], Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Alison Mac [ Kate ]
    Janet brings her father round to help persuade Jonny to move out of what is Janet's grandmother's house. Jonny's homelessness fails to move Gaz into allowing him to sleep in the bedsit which he now shares with Donna, and Jonny ends up leaving the pub with barmaid Kate. Gaz is increasingly jealous of David's role in Donna's life, as she tries to continue her education, and he challenges David to a drinking match in the Archer, which he loses. Louise has to return a college library book Piggy Goes Oink, in order to graduate, but Donna & Janet have it, and are overcome by its poignancy and significance to their lives. It causes Janet to regret splitting with Jonny, so she goes to find him, only to see him kissing Kate outside the Archer.
    b: 22 Feb 04 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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26. "My Delicious Guava"
    gs: Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Alison Mac [ Kate ]
    Janet is really missing Jonny. Whenever Kate speaks to Jonny it has a funny effect, which gets his first real date with her off to a bad start. Louise decides to move in with Janet, but when a spider makes an appearance in the house, Janet has to call on Jonny to rescue the situation, but he brings Kate with him. Donna needs help with her first college assignment, and Gaz gets despondent and desperate at being left alone.
    b: 29 Feb 04 w: Karen Laws d: Gareth Carrivick

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27. "Cuggles"
    gs: Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Alison Mac [ Kate ], Stephen Chapman [ Jim ], Genevieve Walsh [ Box No 84Q ], Susan Nickson [ Voice of the recorded messages (uncredited) ]
    Janet is increasingly missing Jonny, and is resorting to unnatural relationships with chocolate bars, when Donna persuades her to respond to a lonely-hearts ad. Jonny, despite finding that Kate is his biscuit soul-mate and sexually extremely generous, is still highly possessive about her when he hears that she has been dating again. Donna tells Louise that as she is about to graduate, she has to get a job, but she fails to get an interview for the job that she applies for. Meanwhile, Gaz is feeling abandoned by Donna, as she is concentrating on an essay, and he seeks solace with Janet, but they get carried away.
    b: 7 Mar 04 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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28. "Purgatory"
    gs: Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Alison Mac [ Kate ]
    Gaz is consumed with guilt about what he has done with Janet, and Donna is feeling guilty that she's been ignoring him lately; they each try to do something special for each other to make amends. Jonny & Kate are increasingly desperate for a love shack to use for their growing passion, and decide to hold a party at Janet's as a cover. Janet almost confesses to Donna what has happened. Janet then tells Jonny that she wants him back. At the party Kate makes sure everyone knows that Jonny is hers.
    b: 14 Mar 04 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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29. "Mate Date"
    gs: Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Alison Mac [ Kate ], Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Karl Haynes [ Flower seller ], uncredited [ Voice of male announcer ], uncredited [ Voice of female announcer, Clare Kelsey ]
    The three girls agree that they hate Kate, and Donna persuades Gaz tries to split up Jonny & Kate's relationship. Jonny gets an ultimatum from Kate: choose her or stay with his "scruffy, alcoholic, loser friends". He chooses his friends. Having graduated, Louise gets a job at last, and Janet gets a new boss at the bakery. It turns out to be Louise, who makes her presence felt.
    b: 21 Mar 04 w: Daniel Peak d: Gareth Carrivick

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30. "Homeless and Horny"
    gs: Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Alan Westaway [ Philip ]
    Gaz wakes up to find that he appears to have an intimate problem. Louise goes so power mad at the bakery, trying to sack almost everyone, that she is sacked herself. Donna is propositioned by her personal tutor, Philip. Jonny is now homeless, and driven to stealing from his friends to tide him over til the next giro. Janet tries to tempt him back home, which succeeds in the end, with the help of some cheese and onion pasties.
    b: 28 Mar 04 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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31. "Filthy Brunching"
    gs: Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Alan Westaway [ Philip ], Stephen Chapman [ Jim ], Joy Brakeman [ voice of Dr Chalmers ], Conor Ryan [ Policeman ]
    Louise gets a job at a government computer center and accidentally deletes Jonny's existence from the official records, and then gets carried away reinstating them, giving him a major criminal record. After her evening with her tutor, Philip, Donna has brunch with him, exciting Gaz's jealousy to fever pitch. While confronting Philip, Gaz finds that his problem has cured itself. Although Jonny has moved back into Janet's house, she is still feeling insecure compared with Kate, and tries to excite him more than Kate did, culminating in persuading him to go up to the castle, where the police catch up with him, with possibly fatal results.
    b: 4 Apr 04 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick
    NOTE: The song over the closing credits is Written In The Stars by Westlife.

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    5th Series Spring 2005

32. "Death"
    gs: Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], John Webb [ Vicar ], Bruce McGregor [ Pallbearer 1 ], Charlie Dickinson [ Pallbearer 2 ], Gordon Burns [ Himself ], Alan Westaway [ Voice of Philip ]
    The funeral of Donna's mother takes place, and Donna finds that it is making her continually horny. But Gaz is experiencing a return of his impotence problem. Jonny finds his near-death experience of being gunned down by the police has made him a local celebrity,a nd he tries to exploit it for all it's worth. Louise is arrested for having caused the incident, but she is in two minds as to whether to confess to Jonny & Janet.
    b: 2 Jan 05 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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33. "Nobbly Bobbly"
    gs: Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Hugh Parker [ Dr Yark ], D'Arcy Griffiths [ Child Louise ]
    Donna discovers that she has inherited her mother's house, on the condition that she doesn't open the cupboard under the stairs, but she & Gaz decide to do so, with drastic consequences. Louise is in therapy about her changing Jonny's records, where she realises what caused her to do it, and so decides to reveal to him what she saw concerning Janet & Gaz. Meanwhile, Jonny is in fear of leaving the house, and Janet tries increasingly desperate methods of curing him of his phobia.
    b: 9 Jan 05 w: Karen Laws d: Gareth Carrivick

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34. "Shrink"
    gs: Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ]
    Jonny & Janet start planning their second attempt at a wedding. Janet's news that she's pregnant adds to their happiness. Louise is practising to be a psychiatrist on Janet and Donna, who both resent it, forcing Janet to go along with it by blackmailing her. Janet & Gaz decide to take some extreme measures to stop this. Donna has her mother's house valued and decides to spend some of the money going traveling to Ecuador, but her plans are interrupted by Gaz accidentally telling her that he slept with Janet.
    b: 16 Jan 05 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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35. "Ecuador"
    gs: Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Sue Vincent [ Valerie, Louise's solicitor ]
    Gaz wakes to find that Donna has moved out, and then after confronting Janet, Donna plans her revenge on him for his infidelity. Jonny prpares for the responsibility of fatherhood by buying a car for £100, despite not being able to drive. Louise is desperate to get Jonny to publicly forgive her, and resorts to kidnapping his car, for which he kidnaps the dress she was planning to wear in court. Donna decides to go to Ecuador on her own, but Gaz steals her passport to try to get her to stay.
    b: 23 Jan 05 w: Daniel Peak d: Gareth Carrivick

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36. "Potato People"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Joshua Thurston [ Jamie ]
    When Jonny is banned from the off-licence where he has been buying alcohol for a gang of kids, he tries to sub-contract the work to Louise, but his plans land him in ever deeper trouble. Donna is still not speaking to Gaz or Janet, after she discovered their infidelity, and is living back at her mother's house. Janet tries increasingly desperate measures to make things up with her. Now that Gaz is alone, Kelly tries to seduce him, by dressing up as a Donna look-alike.
    b: 30 Jan 05 w: Daniel Peak d: Gareth Carrivick

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37. "Antlers"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Christopher Nabb [ Ste ], Matthew Noble [ Lee ], Duncan Barton [ Glen ], Neil Rowland [ Minibus driver ], Kiki Kendrick [ Sandra, the Stripper ]
    Gaz's plans for Jonny's stag night go badly wrong, when he discovers that all their friends & acquaintances know that he slept with Janet, and Jonny still doesn't know. Gaz invites a load of strangers instead. Louise is determined that Janet's hen night should be really wild, as she fears that she will be going to prison after her court appearance on the same day as the wedding.
    b: 6 Feb 05 w: Daniel Peak d: Gareth Carrivick

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38. "Crab"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Emma Shaw [ Magistrate ], Sally Bankes [ Registrar ], Paul Elsam [ Photographer ]
    The day of Jonny & Janet's wedding dawns, to find them trapped in a van. Louise's court hearing goes well, until she objects to the magistrate calling her stupid, resulting in her getting community service instead of a fine. Janet confesses to Jonny that she slept with Gaz, but he doesn't believe her, and they decide to exchange their vows in the van. Meanwhile, to ensure that Jonny & Janet's names get on a wedding certificate, Donna & Gaz impersonate them at the register office. Jonny & Janet arrive just in time for the post-wedding photography.
    b: 13 Feb 05 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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39. "Fat"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Lee Oakes [ Munch ], Chelsee Healey [ Community Service Girl 1 ], Rachel S Spencer [ Community Service Girl 2 ]
    A few months have passed, and Donna has got herself a job selling buckets. Gaz has been missing her so much so long that his eating and exercise balance has got out of control and he has ballooned to 18 stone. When Donna accidentally bumps into him in her company van she hardly recognises him. Janet has still not found her nesting instinct, and the house has become a disgusting mess. Janet persuades Jonny to get a job in The Archer Hotel, where his clumsiness causes so many breakages that after the deductions, he owes his employers money. Louise is struggling with her community service order, of supervising 5 teenage girls clearing up rubbish. When Donna says she no longer fancies him anyway, Gaz resorts to the only other way he knows to lose the excess weight quickly.
    b: 20 Feb 05 w: Ariane Sherine d: Gareth Carrivick

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40. "Stot or Pronk"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Vicky Pepperdine [ Consultant ], Angela Murray [ Pregnant woman ]
    Donna discovers that Gaz is looking very fit again, and tries to think of ways to make herself look more attractive, such as lip enhancement. Janet, who is now heavily pregnant, thinks that she is loosing her mental faculties, so Louise prepares her for entering the pub quiz at the Archer. Jonny is still not feeling very paternal, and persuades Gaz to take Janet to the ante-natal class, but he gets carried away with a toy monkey. Back at home, Janet goes into labor.
    b: 27 Feb 05 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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41. "Who's The Daddy?"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Lewis Vilamor [ Corinthian McVitie Keogh ]
    At the pain of the first contractions Janet gets Jonny to phone for an ambulance. In the Archer, Donna & Gaz's reconciliation goes wrong, as they each boast of the other people they have been going out with in the previous couple of months; Gaz gets upset and rushes out of the pub, into the path of the approaching ambulance. Jonny goes to find the ambulance, where Gaz lets slip that the baby might be his. Meanwhile, Louise has to rush Janet to hospital in Jonny's wheelchair. Jonny has a confrontation with Janet and the new baby, but when confronted with the child, he becomes taken with him, names him Corinthian McVitie Keogh, and changes his mind about leaving Janet.
    b: 6 Mar 05 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick

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42. "Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Stuart Christian Evans [ Felix ], Lewis Vilamor [ Corinthian McVitie Keogh ]
    Janet becomes an obsessive baby bore, which requires Jonny to take some drastic action to get her attention. Louise feels lonely now that Janet has the baby and Donna is back with Gaz, so she tries to get one of Kelly's men for herself. Donna is very antagonistic to the baby, and reluctantly accompanies Gaz when he offers Jonny to babysit so that he and Janet can have an evening out together.
    b: 13 Mar 05 w: Karen Laws d: Gareth Carrivick

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43. "God"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Lewis Vilamor [ Corinthian McVitie Keogh ]
    Louise has a religious experience at a rainy bus stop. Jonny tries to make his son more exciting, and suggests that they get him christened. Janet proposes asking Donna & Gaz to be godparents. Donna tries to get Gaz to be more emotionally sensitive, which he finds impossible. In desperation he takes Donna's late mother's HRT tablets, which have extreme emotional effects.
    b: 20 Mar 05 w: Daniel Peak d: Gareth Carrivick

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44. "Love 83199"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Martin Delaney [ Mick ], Lewis Vilamor [ Corinthian McVitie Keogh ]
    Janet is suffering from post-natal depression, making Jonny so desperate to get out of the house that he looks for a job, and finds an advert for his dream job: working in a biscuit factory. Donna gets fed up with living in Gaz's flat, and proposes buying their own house, but Gaz is unwilling to leave. But they go looking, and find a pretty cottage in the country by Knowsley, which fits their dreams, until Gaz spots a sheep in the field next to it. Louise is building a relationship with a fake man on her new phone, until she meets Mick, a stylist to the stars, and falls for him instead.
    b: 27 Mar 05 w: Susan Nickson d: Nick Wood

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45. "Near, Far"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Martin Delaney [ Mick ], Ted Robbins [ Tommy ]
    Gaz determines to overcome his phobia about sheep, and makes an offer for the house, but when he & Donna visit again, things go badly as they are mobbed by a flock of sheep. Jonny has his job interview at the Jammie Dodger biscuit factory in Stockport, which he thinks went well. Janet auditions for a talent scout and is offered the chance to be a star singer on a cruise ship. Louise continues her budding relationship with clothing stylist Mick. With the prospect of the big changes in the lives of the five disrupting their friendship, Janet holds a party. But everyone has changed their minds and they cancel their plans, except Janet...
    b: 3 Apr 05 w: Susan Nickson d: Gareth Carrivick & Nick Wood

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    6th Series Spring 2006

46. "Speedycruise!"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Terry Kilkelly [ Dock official ], Ted Robbins [ Tommy ], Jamie Ryde-Weller [ Corinthian McVitie Keogh ]
    Janet decides to take up the job on the cruise ship, so Jonny plays his trump card to stop her going, though later relents. But when Janet finds out what is required of her act, she decides not to go. Gaz's father decides to sell the garage. With the money from the sale of her mother's house, Donna decides to buy a mobile library, but under pressure from Gaz buys the garage instead. Louise's mother is desperately ill, and when Louise tries to donate a kidney to her, she finds out that she was adopted.
    b: 26 Feb 06 w: Susan Nickson d: Becky Martin

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47. "Goblins"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Russell Richardson [ Mr Pumplager ]
    Jonny campaigns for baby changing facilities at the pub. Janet gets a new job, working at home, assembling toy elves. Donna's hopes for advancing her career are frustrated by what she sees as the glass ceiling combined with misogyny; to prove Gaz and everyone else wrong, she takes a van from work without authorisation, but crashes it, and gets sacked. Gaz, who has sacked himself because there are so few customers at the garage, has to reinstate himself to cope with the resultant repairs. Louise has obtained a letter from her birth mother - but neither she nor Janet not Gaz can physically open it, until Donna finds it.
    b: 5 Mar 06 w: Daniel Peak d: Becky Martin

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48. "Mummy Cupboard"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], James Holmes [ Mr Davies ], Christine Mackie [ Jayne ], Jonathan Jaynes [ Elliot ], Jamie Ryde-Weller [ Corinthian McVitie Keogh ]
    The Keogh family finances are so tight that Janet pawns her wedding ring, and takes a job on a sex phone line. Gaz decides to propose to Donna, but before he can, she forces him to give her a job at the garage, and to stop their lust from allowing any work to be done, she takes on an extreme male persona, Don, which puts him off the idea. Jonny decides that Corinthian should not be exposed to his bad influences. Louise is delighted to meet her birth mother, who lives in the better part of town, and her husband, whom Louise assumes to be her father, despite being told otherwise by several people. Gaz finally proposes to Donna.
    b: 12 Mar 06 w: Jon Brown d: Becky Martin

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49. "Cauliflower"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Colin McFarlane [ Brian ], Jo Pridding [ Shop assistant ]
    Donna gives Gaz the answer to his marriage proposal. But he won't take 'no' for an answer, and pesters her with repeated proposals. Shortage of money leads Janet to finding a new way of providing for Corinthian - shoplifting. Filled with remorse, she tries to return the things she's taken. Louise meets her real dad, Brian, for the first time, but after his initial enthusiasm wanes, he is more interested in getting to know Jonny. Finally, Donna says 'yes', and Gaz lays on what he thinks is her dream wedding, but she is horrified and walks out.
    b: 19 Mar 06 w: Daniel Peak d: Nick Wood

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50. "Drunk"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Tony Barton [ Alky ], Zoe Ryde-Weller or Jamie Ryde-Weller [ Corinthian McVitie Keogh ]
    Jonny is reeling after being chatted up by Louise's Dad. He decides to become more macho, but his plan backfires with shocking consequences. Louise is feeling let down by her Dad, becomes an alcoholic and starts her own chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous. Donna refuses to have a baby with Gaz, leaving him only one option for getting the child he longs for: claiming Corinthian as his.
    b: 26 Mar 06 w: Susan Nickson d: Nick Wood

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51. "Croppity Crops"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Andrea Crewe [ Janice, the receptionist ], Zoe Ryde-Weller [ Corinthian McVitie Keogh ]
    Louise continues to recover from her alcoholism, but is lonely and seeks a new family, attaching herself to Jonny and Janet. Gaz still wants to have children, but Donna is reluctant, so he opens an account at the local sperm bank. Janet lives in fear that Gaz will return to snatch Corinthian. Donna tries to introduce Gaz to Tantric sex, but they fail to master the techniques. Jonny claims to be growing vegetables to help the household budget.
    b: 2 Apr 06 w: Daniel Peak d: Nick Wood & Becky Martin

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52. "Finger Sniffing"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Nigel Betts [ Bernard ], Zoe Ryde-Weller [ Corinthian McVitie Keogh ]
    Donna & Janet both apply for the post of bar manager in The Archer, and become increasingly competitive; Janet gets the job. Louise's mother is still very ill, and Louise buys a Volkswagen Beetle on the expectation of her inheritance. Jonny realises that Corinthian must be Gaz's son, and gives him up to Gaz, in exchange for a T-shirt. Jonny then changes his mind, and Gaz realises that his low sperm count must mean he's not the father, so Corinthian returns home.
    b: 9 Apr 06 w: Susan Nickson d: Becky Martin

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53. "War, Hurrgh!"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Alan Farnaby [ Steve Shaw ], Michelle Whitehead [ Hannah ], Geoff Kay [ Perve ], Rob Cannon [ Hotel guard ], Roger Bruton [ Man in hotel ]
    Janet has got the job at The Archer. Jonny is crowing over the confirmation that he's Corinthian's father, and gives Gaz a puppy to nurture, to compensate. Louise plans to repay her student debts by becoming a prostitute. Janet introduces a World War II theme at The Archer. Donna claims that she has become a Health & Safety Inspector, and persecutes Janet at work. Gaz applies to adopt a child, but is refused as unsuitable.
    b: 16 Apr 06 w: Rob Taylor d: Becky Martin

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54. "Closing Time"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ], Robert Hartley [ Dion Henshaw ], Russell Richardson [ Jim ]
    The brewery closes The Archer for refurbishment, and Janet & Kelly try to devise a way of forcing them to channge their mind, involving blackmail, kidnap and staging a siege. Gaz volunteers Donna to look after her 16-year-old brother Dion, who is the teenager from hell. Louise discovers she is pregnant, and searches her memory for who could be the father. Jonny thinks that he might be going a bit gay.
    b: 23 Apr 06 w: Susan Nickson d: Nick Wood

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55. "When Janet Killed Jonny"
    gs: Hayley Bishop [ Kelly ]
    Janet falls asleep on the sofa and has a nightmare about the dark, abandoned Archer. It starts with Jonny getting the idea that the five friends should break into the Archer to drink the remaining beer. but it is a dark and stormy night and the building turns out to be malevolently haunted, making the outing the lock-in from hell.
    b: 30 Apr 06 w: Susan Nickson d: Nick Wood
    NOTE: The song before the closing credits is You Raise Me Up by Westlife.

The BBC has an official website on the series here, from where you can watch the episodes of Series 6.

The first two series are available on a Region 2 DVD set (BBCDVD1219); the second two series on another Region 2 DVD set (BBCDVD1459); and the fifth series on another Region 2 DVD set (BBCDVD1754).