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Two and a Half Men

(a Titles & Air Dates Guide)

Last updated: Wed, 3 Jul 2024 -1:00
A bachelor playboy's carefree life is changed forever after his brother and 10-year-old nephew move in with him.
Show Details:
Start date: Sep 2003
End date: Feb 2015
Status: cancelled/ended
Network(s): CBS (US)
Run time: 30 min
Episodes: 262 eps
Genre(s): Comedy
Episode list & details from:  TVmaze • 
Episode # Original
Air Date
Season 1
1.1-1 22 Sep 03Pilot
2.1-2 29 Sep 03Big Flappy Bastards
3.1-3 06 Oct 03Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
4.1-4 13 Oct 03If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap
5.1-5 20 Oct 03The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
6.1-6 27 Oct 03Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
7.1-7 03 Nov 03If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
8.1-8 10 Nov 03Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
9.1-9 17 Nov 03Phase One, Complete
10.1-1024 Nov 03Merry Thanksgiving
11.1-1115 Dec 03Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
12.1-1205 Jan 04Camel Filters + Pheromones
13.1-1312 Jan 04Sarah Like Puny Alan
14.1-1402 Feb 04I Can't Afford Hyenas
15.1-1509 Feb 04Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1)
16.1-1616 Feb 04That Was Saliva, Alan (2)
17.1-1723 Feb 04Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
18.1-1801 Mar 04An Old Flame with a New Wick
19.1-1922 Mar 04I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
20.1-2019 Apr 04Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
21.1-2103 May 04No Sniffing, No Wowing
22.1-2210 May 04My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
23.1-2317 May 04Just Like Buffalo
24.1-2424 May 04Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 2
25.2-1 20 Sep 04Back Off, Mary Poppins
26.2-2 27 Sep 04Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
27.2-3 04 Oct 04A Bag Full of Jawea
28.2-4 11 Oct 04Go Get Mommy's Bra
29.2-5 18 Oct 04Bad News from the Clinic?
30.2-6 25 Oct 04The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
31.2-7 08 Nov 04A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
32.2-8 15 Nov 04Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
33.2-9 22 Nov 04Yes, Monsignor
34.2-1029 Nov 04The Salmon Under My Sweater
35.2-1113 Dec 04Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
36.2-1203 Jan 05A Lung Full of Alan
37.2-1317 Jan 05Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow
38.2-1431 Jan 05Those Big Pink Things with Coconuts
39.2-1507 Feb 05Smell the Umbrella Stand
40.2-1614 Feb 05Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
41.2-1721 Feb 05Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!
42.2-1807 Mar 05It was 'Mame,' Mom
43.2-1921 Mar 05A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
44.2-2018 Apr 05I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
45.2-2102 May 05A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
46.2-2209 May 05That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
47.2-2316 May 05Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
48.2-2423 May 05Does This Smell Funny to You?
Season 3
49.3-1 19 Sep 05Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
50.3-2 26 Sep 05Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
51.3-3 03 Oct 05Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
52.3-4 10 Oct 05Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
53.3-5 17 Oct 05We Called It Mr. Pinky
54.3-6 24 Oct 05Hi, Mr. Horned One
55.3-7 07 Nov 05Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
56.3-8 14 Nov 05That Voodoo That I Do Do
57.3-9 21 Nov 05Madame and Her Special Friend
58.3-1028 Nov 05Something Salted and Twisted
59.3-1119 Dec 05Santa's Village of the Damned
60.3-1209 Jan 06That Special Tug
61.3-1323 Jan 06Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
62.3-1406 Feb 06Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
63.3-1527 Feb 06My Tongue Is Meat
64.3-1606 Mar 06Ergo, the Booty Call
65.3-1713 Mar 06The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
66.3-1820 Mar 06The Spit-Covered Cobbler
67.3-1910 Apr 06Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
68.3-2024 Apr 06Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
69.3-2101 May 06And the Plot Moistens
70.3-2208 May 06Just Once with Aunt Sophie
71.3-2315 May 06Arguments for the Quickie
72.3-2422 May 06That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 4
73.4-1 18 Sep 06Working for Caligula
74.4-2 25 Sep 06Who's Vod Kanockers?
75.4-3 02 Oct 06The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
76.4-4 09 Oct 06A Pot Smoking Monkey
77.4-5 16 Oct 06A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
78.4-6 23 Oct 06Apologies for the Frivolity
79.4-7 06 Nov 06Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
80.4-8 13 Nov 06Release the Dogs
81.4-9 20 Nov 06Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
82.4-1027 Nov 06Kissing Abraham Lincoln
83.4-1111 Dec 06Walnuts and Demerol
84.4-1208 Jan 07Castrating Sheep in Montana
85.4-1322 Jan 07Don't Worry, Speed Racer
86.4-1405 Feb 07That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
87.4-1512 Feb 07My Damn Stalker
88.4-1619 Feb 07Young People Have Phlegm Too
89.4-1726 Feb 07I Merely Slept with a Commie
90.4-1819 Mar 07It Never Rains in Hooterville
91.4-1909 Apr 07Smooth As a Ken Doll
92.4-2016 Apr 07Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
93.4-2123 Apr 07Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
94.4-2230 Apr 07Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
95.4-2307 May 07Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
96.4-2414 May 07Prostitutes and Gelato
Season 5
97.5-1 24 Sep 07Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
98.5-2 01 Oct 07Media Room Slash Dungeon
99.5-3 08 Oct 07Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
100.5-4 15 Oct 07City of Great Racks
101.5-5 22 Oct 07Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
102.5-6 29 Oct 07Help Daddy Find His Toenail
103.5-7 05 Nov 07Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
104.5-8 12 Nov 07Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
105.5-9 19 Nov 07Tight's Good
106.5-1026 Nov 07Kinda Like Necrophilia
107.5-1117 Mar 08Meander to Your Dander
108.5-1224 Mar 08A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
109.5-1331 Mar 08The Soil Is Moist
110.5-1414 Apr 08Winky-Dink Time
111.5-1521 Apr 08Rough Night in Hump Junction
112.5-1628 Apr 08Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
113.5-1705 May 08Fish in a Drawer
114.5-1812 May 08If My Hole Could Talk
115.5-1919 May 08Waiting for the Right Snapper
Season 6
116.6-1 22 Sep 08Taterhead Is Our Love Child
117.6-2 29 Sep 08Pie Hole, Herb
118.6-3 06 Oct 08Damn You, Eggs Benedict
119.6-4 13 Oct 08The Flavin' and the Mavin'
120.6-5 20 Oct 08A Jock Strap in Hell
121.6-6 03 Nov 08It's Always Nazi Week
122.6-7 10 Nov 08Best H.O. Money Can Buy
123.6-8 17 Nov 08Pinocchio's Mouth
124.6-9 24 Nov 08The Mooch at the Boo
125.6-1008 Dec 08He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
126.6-1115 Dec 08The Devil's Lube
127.6-1212 Jan 09Thank God for Scoliosis
128.6-1319 Jan 09I Think You Offended Don
129.6-1402 Feb 09David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
130.6-1509 Feb 09I'd Like to Start with the Cat
131.6-1602 Mar 09She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
132.6-1709 Mar 09The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
133.6-1816 Mar 09My Son's Enormous Head
134.6-1930 Mar 09The Two Finger Rule
135.6-2013 Apr 09Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
136.6-2127 Apr 09Above Exalted Cyclops
137.6-2204 May 09Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
138.6-2311 May 09Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
139.6-2418 May 09Baseball with Better Steroids
Season 7
140.7-1 21 Sep 09818-jklpuzo
141.7-2 28 Sep 09Whipped Unto the Third Generation
142.7-3 05 Oct 09Mmm, Fish. Yum.
143.7-4 12 Oct 09Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
144.7-5 19 Oct 09For the Sake of the Child
145.7-6 02 Nov 09Give Me Your Thumb
146.7-7 09 Nov 09Untainted by Filth
147.7-8 16 Nov 09Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
148.7-9 23 Nov 09Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
149.7-1007 Dec 09That's Why They Call It Ball Room
150.7-1114 Dec 09Warning, It's Dirty
151.7-1211 Jan 10Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
152.7-1318 Jan 10Yay, No Polyps!
153.7-1401 Feb 10Crude and Uncalled For
154.7-1508 Feb 10Aye, Aye, Captain
155.7-1601 Mar 10Tinkle Like a Princess
156.7-1708 Mar 10I Found Your Moustache
157.7-1822 Mar 10Ixnay on the Oggie Day
158.7-1912 Apr 10Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
159.7-2010 May 10I Called Him Magoo
160.7-2117 May 10Gumby with a Pokey
161.7-2224 May 10This Is Not Gonna End Well
Season 8
162.8-1 20 Sep 10Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
163.8-2 27 Sep 10A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
164.8-3 04 Oct 10A Pudding-Filled Cactus
165.8-4 11 Oct 10Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
166.8-5 18 Oct 10The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
167.8-6 25 Oct 10Twanging Your Magic Clanger
168.8-7 01 Nov 10The Crazy Bitch Gazette
169.8-8 08 Nov 10Springtime on a Stick
170.8-9 15 Nov 10A Good Time in Central Africa
171.8-1022 Nov 10Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
172.8-1106 Dec 10Dead from the Waist Down
173.8-1213 Dec 10Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
174.8-1303 Jan 11Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup
175.8-1417 Jan 11Lookin' for Japanese Subs
176.8-1507 Feb 11Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
177.8-1614 Feb 11That Darn Priest
Season 9
178.9-1 19 Sep 11Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
179.9-2 26 Sep 11People Who Love Peepholes
180.9-3 03 Oct 11Big Girls Don't Throw Food
181.9-4 10 Oct 11Nine Magic Fingers
182.9-5 17 Oct 11A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
183.9-6 24 Oct 11The Squat and the Hover
184.9-7 31 Oct 11Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
185.9-8 07 Nov 11Thank You for the Intercourse
186.9-9 14 Nov 11Frodo's Headshots
187.9-1021 Nov 11A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
188.9-1105 Dec 11What a Lovely Landing Strip
189.9-1212 Dec 11One False Move, Zimbabwe!
190.9-1302 Jan 12Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
191.9-1416 Jan 12A Possum on Chemo
192.9-1506 Feb 12The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
193.9-1613 Feb 12Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
194.9-1720 Feb 12Not in My Mouth!
195.9-1827 Feb 12The War Against Gingivitis
196.9-1919 Mar 12Palmdale, Ech
197.9-2009 Apr 12Grandma's Pie
198.9-2116 Apr 12Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'
199.9-2230 Apr 12Why We Gave Up Women
200.9-2307 May 12The Straw in My Donut Hole
201.9-2414 May 12Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
Season 10
202.10-127 Sep 12I Changed My Mind About the Milk
203.10-204 Oct 12A Big Bag of Dog
204.10-311 Oct 12Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
205.10-418 Oct 12You Do Know What the Lollipop's For
206.10-525 Oct 12That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
207.10-601 Nov 12Ferrets, Attack!
208.10-708 Nov 12Avoid the Chinese Mustard
209.10-815 Nov 12Something My Gynecologist Said
210.10-929 Nov 12I Scream When I Pee
211.10-1006 Dec 12One Nut Johnson
212.10-1113 Dec 12Give Santa a Tail-Hole
213.10-1203 Jan 13Welcome to Alancrest
214.10-1310 Jan 13Grab a Feather and Get in Line
215.10-1431 Jan 13Run, Steven Staven! Run!
216.10-1507 Feb 13Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
217.10-1614 Feb 13Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
218.10-1721 Feb 13Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
219.10-1807 Mar 13The 9:04 from Pemberton
220.10-1914 Mar 13Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon
221.10-2004 Apr 13Bazinga! That's from a TV Show
222.10-2125 Apr 13Another Night with Neil Diamond
223.10-2202 May 13My Bodacious Vidalia
224.10-2309 May 13Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped
Season 11
225.11-126 Sep 13Nangnangnangnang
226.11-203 Oct 13I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
227.11-310 Oct 13This Unblessed Biscuit
228.11-417 Oct 13Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
229.11-524 Oct 13Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
230.11-607 Nov 13Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
231.11-714 Nov 13Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
232.11-821 Nov 13Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
233.11-905 Dec 13Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
234.11-1012 Dec 13On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!
235.11-1102 Jan 14Tazed in the Lady Nuts
236.11-1209 Jan 14Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
237.11-1330 Jan 14Bite Me, Supreme Court
238.11-1406 Feb 14Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe
239.11-1527 Feb 14Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
240.11-1606 Mar 14How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
241.11-1713 Mar 14Welcome Home, Jake
242.11-1803 Apr 14West Side Story
243.11-1910 Apr 14Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang
244.11-2024 Apr 14Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
245.11-2101 May 14Dial 1-900-Mix-a-Lot
246.11-2208 May 14Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
Season 12
247.12-130 Oct 14The Ol' Mexican Spinach
248.12-206 Nov 14A Chic Bar in Ibiza
249.12-313 Nov 14Glamping in a Yurt
250.12-420 Nov 14Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
251.12-527 Nov 14Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
252.12-604 Dec 14Alan Shot a Little Girl
253.12-711 Dec 14Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
254.12-818 Dec 14Family, Bublé, Deep-fried Turkey
255.12-908 Jan 15Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
256.12-1015 Jan 15Here I Come, Pants!
257.12-1122 Jan 15For Whom the Booty Calls
258.12-1229 Jan 15A Beer-Battered Rip-Off
259.12-1305 Feb 15Boompa Loved His Hookers
260.12-1412 Feb 15Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
261.12-1519 Feb 15Of Course He's Dead - Part One
262.12-1619 Feb 15Of Course He's Dead - Part Two
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