Production credits:
Executive producer: Marc Sotkin
Co-executive producers: Tom Whedon, Philip Jayson Lasker
Supervising producers: Gail Parent, Richard Vaczy, Tracy Gamble, Don Seigel, Jerry Perzigian
Created by: Susan Harris
Executive producers: Paul Junger Witt, Tony Thomas
Co-produced by: Nine Feinberg
Executive story editors: Marc Cherry, Jamie Wooten
Story editors: Jim Vallely, Mitchell Hurwitz
Associate directors: Lex Passaris, Peter D. Beyt
rc: Rebecca
Blanche welcomes her daughter, Rebecca, but not the miracle of modern medicine, which is soon to make her a grandmother: artificial insemination. Rebecca announces she wants to be near her mother when the baby arrives. Blanche is more preoccupied by the embarrassment of her single daughter giving birth in a local hospital then in accepting her daughter's choices. Not to worry, Rebecca plans to deliver in a birthing center. Armed with ankle-strengthening weights and St. Olaf-style skating costume, Rose trains for the Senior Sports Classic. She hopes to fulfill her parents' dream that she would some day become a champion ice skater. A glimpse of drug-free childbirth leads Rebecca back to the local hospital. Blanche sees ho how much her daughter needs her and sets aside judgment to coach Rebecca through delivery. Back in the hospital waiting room, Rose realizes that you don't always have to please your parents, especially when they're dead. Blanche appears, holding her new granddaughter. As the ladies gather for a closer look, Blanche proudly announces that the baby was conceived through the miracle of artificial insemination. Everyone applauds.
b: 22 Sep 90 pc: 129 w: Gail Parent & Jim Vallely d: Matthew DiamondWhile admitting new patients to the hospital, Rose meets Brother Martin, a man who's more than just a monk with her nose, he's her natural father. Next in line is Sophia who's scheduled for hernia surgery after moving a couch for Dorothy. Rose tells the ladies of her amazing discovery and they encourage her to put aside her feelings of abandonment to establish a relationship with her father. Dorothy assumes her mother's surgery has gone off without a hitch until the hospital calls to confess they have misplaced Sophia. Dorothy is both panicked and guilt-ridden. After all, she's the one who asked Sophia to lift furniture. Sophia wakes up on a gurney convinced she's reached heaven. Actually, she's in a hospital elevator. As Dorothy and Blanche comb the hospital, Rose questions her father about his past and the circumstances that led him to forgo being a part of her life. He explains that by the time he realized his affair with Ingrid Kerclavaner had produced a child, Rose had left the orphanage to be adopted by the Lindstroms. He felt that to appear out of nowhere would have been more than she could handle, so he chose to remain with the church. Having long since made amends with God for his past, all that remains for him is Rose's forgiveness. Rose's anger dissipates with the realization that this man gave her life. Much to Dorothy's relief, she finally finds her mother. Sophia confesses that Dorothy had nothing to do with her hernia, it happened when a few of the gals decided to put Gladys' VW on the lawn.
b: 29 Sep 90 pc: 131 w: Harold Apter d: Matthew DiamondThanks to the Zbornee - America's first baked potato opener - Stan Zbornak's a millionaire. Happy to share his success after so many years of failure, Stan showers everyone with lavish gifts. Dorothy is unreceptive: her love is not for sale. She won't even accompany him to a reception he's hosting to impress influential Japanese businessmen. Stan's hurt her too many times in the past for her to believe that he's a changed man. Stan stands up to Dorothy, then exits. Blanche saves her flowerbeds from the ravages of Rose's yard sale by purchasing everything for fifty dollars. Frippery turns to fortune - Blanche finds $50,000 in St. Olaf war bonds while throwing Rose's "lifetime of memories" into the dumpster. Dorothy is impressed by Stanley's newfound assertiveness. The ladies offer stories of betrayal from their pasts while Dorothy wonders whether she can trust Stan again. He stops by the night of the big reception and confesses that success has him treading unfamiliar ground. He needs her, like he used to when they were together. Dorothy's swayed, she dresses and goes to the party. Blanche's call to St. Olaf reveals that cashing in on the bonds would bankrupt the town. She makes a "pro" and "con" list and reluctantly agrees that saving a small town from financial ruin outweighs being able to "get stuff." St. Olaf rewards her altruism with a Blanche Deveraux statue to be funded with the city's $500,000 emergency statue fund. As Blanche tries to explain that a town with a $500,000 statue fund can't be bankrupted by $50,000 in bonds, Dorothy and Stan return from a lovely evening. The ladies clear out and Stan kisses Dorothy good night. Sophia watches from the hallway and laments that Dorothy's going to send her to an early grave, but...too late.
b: 6 Oct 90 pc: 132 w: Robert Spina d: Matthew DiamondWhile helping Sophia serve "Meals on Wheels," Dorothy meets Jimmy, a political activist so traumatized by the sixties that he hasn't left his apartment since. Dorothy can identify - after Stan left, she sought refuge in her bedroom. She vows to get Jimmy to a counselor. Breakthrough: Jimmy calls, he's tired of isolating. Dorothy thinks he wants to get out, instead Jimmy invites her in to live with him. When Dorothy explains that she doesn't think of him "that way", he kicks her out and vows to never set foot outside again. Blanche is robbing the cradle again, a dead giveaway that her birthday is approaching. Rose plans a party to launch Blanche out of her slump, despite Blanche's attempt to freeze her life at forty-two. Dorothy gives it one more shot and coaxes Jimmy out to grocery shop. Jimmy steps into the store and is swarmed by a crowd that welcomes him as the one millionth customer. Jimmy panics and runs out. Blanche celebrates her birthday by taking a long walk and concludes that age is irrelevant when she's blessed with family, friends and a career. Dorothy returns home, convinced she's ruined Jimmy's life. The doorbell rings, it's Jimmy. He prefers a world filled with nice people like Dorothy to the isolation of his apartment. Blanche invites him into the kitchen for coffee and "Surprise!", he walks right into Blanche's birthday party. Too much too soon -- Jimmy bolts.
b: 13 Oct 90 pc: 135 w: Richard Vaczy & Tracy Gamble d: Matthew DiamondA year has passed since Big Daddy's death and Blanche faces auctioning of his things. Her ad in an Atlanta paper leads more than bargain hunters to her doorstep - Viola Watkins, Blanche's childhood Mammy, surfaces as abruptly as she left over thirty years ago. She's come to ask for a music box she once gave to Big Daddy. Along with her request comes shocking news: she and Big Daddy were lovers. Dorothy finds out that Sophia hired a matchmaker for her and hits the roof. She's tired of Sophia meddling in her life. Rose points out that Dorothy lets her pride get in the way too often. Sophia just wants her daughter to be happy. Dorothy tells Sophia she appreciates her efforts, but she doesn't need a man to be happy. News of Big Daddy's extramarital affair Blanche ever thought about her father. She refuses to give the music box to Mammy, saying it would be tantamount to approval of what happened. Viola explains that she and Blanche's father never intended to fall in love and they would have handled the situation differently, but interracial marriages were taboo at that time in the south. Beyond the issue of infidelity, Blanche can't reconcile how Mammy could have loved her, then deserted her. Viola explains she was forced to leave the night Mrs. Devereaux found out about the affair, but she remained a part if her "little dumpling's" life from afar. With newfound understanding of past events, Blanche gives Mammy the music box, but...it's the wrong one. Which raises the question - who did this music box come from?
b: 20 Oct 90 pc: 134 w: Marc Cherry & Jamie Wooten d: Matthew DiamondRose is miserable after a trip to the dentist, not because of her dental work, but because she thinks her dentist fondled her while she was under anesthesia. Dorothy and Blanche are outraged, and try to get her to report the incident. Rose is uneasy about the confrontation, and continues to put it off. Dorothy's got confrontation problems of her own. Her students at the local Catholic boys' school are slapping "Kick Me Hard" signs on her back not because she's a substitute, but because she refuses to pass Kevin Kelly, making him ineligible to play in a big game. The coach offers to take her out on Saturday night, the school's dean (a priest) threatens her with a "vocal and active alumni" reaction, but Dorothy stands her ground. Dorothy finally acquiesces when a dead fish is delivered to her doorstep. "I thought I could make a difference," she says. "I can't, they win." She agrees to give Kevin an incomplete and tutor him, but he refuses the deal until after football season is over. Dorothy is frustrated about backing down, but when Kevin's football season ends after he's hurt in the game, Dorothy steps right back in and tutors him from his hospital bed. Blanche convinces Rose she must confront her dentist, and accompanies her to his office. With cotton and suction hose in her mouth, Rose awkwardly suggests that maybe he touched her. He denies it, saying she was dreaming. She apologizes profusely, but while the dentist begins the procedure he sighs, "Wowee-wow-wow-wow", just like he did the first time around. Rose leaps out of the chair and holds the doctor at bay with a water hose, announcing she will report him to the authorities.
b: 27 Oct 90 pc: 130 w: Don Siegel & Jerry Perzigian d: Matthew Diamondrc: Stan
Dorothy's head's in a whirl: Stan's back and he's stirring up old feelings. He woos her with candy, he sends her meat, he arrives for their date in the Studebaker they took to Senior Prom. And, as they did in high school, Stan and Dorothy end up in the back seat. Things are a little different this time around - as they assure the policeman on patrol, it's okay, they're divorced. Rose's new co-worker, Abby, talks a blue streak. After several unsuccessful attempts to get a word in edgewise, Rose enlists Sophia's help. At the station, Sophia cuts to the chase, "Abby, shut up. Get a life. Stop calling Rose...leave her alone." The moment is cut short by the station manager's announcement that they've hired a new consumer reporter: Abby Wolfe. When Abby calls to ask Rose's help in getting over the first day jitters, Rose decides it's best to be flattered that Abby needs her. Dorothy tries to sneak into the house after her date with Stan, but Blanche and Rose are up, with a backup cheesecake in the fridge. Dorothy spills the details and admits her confusion, "Stanley Zbornak made me weak in the knees. You think I'm proud of that?" The ladies offer their sympathies and their best sex ever stories. Sophia voices motherly disapproval, but Dorothy assures her it's over with Stan. Or is it? Dorothy's late-night rendezvous with Stan might go unnoticed by her roommates, but not the sweeping searchlights of a police helicopter.
b: 3 Nov 90 pc: 135 w: Mitchell Hurwitz d: Matthew DiamondSophia returns from the funeral of her best friend, Sister Agnes, to announce that God has spoken to her - she's going to become a nun. Her girlhood dream to take the vail, put on hold when her future husband first put his hand in her blouse, is now ready to be realized. Despite her roommates' reluctance to see her go, Sophia leaves for the convent. Blanche's practice of rear-ending cars to meet their gentlemen drivers backfires when her latest target, Arthur Nivingston, files for bodily injury. Good news for Blanche: she was driving Rose's Gremlin. Bad news for Rose: Rose's insurance company hears about the law suit and drops coverage. Blanche devises a plan to seduce Arthur to get pictures of him in a physically challenging position. It works like a charm and Rose gets the needed evidence that Arthur's law suit is a hoax. During the ladies' visit to the convent, Mother Superior pulls Dorothy aside to say that Sophia's too much of a rabble-rouser and will have to leave. When Dorothy breaks the news, Sophia is not surprised so much as disappointed. Becoming a nun was her attempt at filling Sister Agnes' shoes and insuring that her own life would have meaning. Dorothy gently points out that one person can't take the place of another. Sophia's life is significant to the many people who love her and all those she's helped.
b: 10 Nov 90 pc: 136 w: Marc Cherry & Jamie Wooten d: Matthew DiamondBlanche's secret admirer admits he has been keeping a nine-year-old secret. When he reveals his identity, Blanche is shocked: her new suitor is her "dead" spouse, George Devereaux. He surfaces to confess that he staged his own death nearly a decade ago and pleads with Blanche to understand. His partner was framing him for embezzlement and his Southern pride told him better to be thought dead than a failure. Dorothy's romantic roster is "an embarrassment of riches" - she's being wooed by Sonny Bono and Lyle Waggoner. They all met one night at dinner theatre and it's been a (Bermuda) love triangle ever since. Dorothy toys with their affections until the law steps in - to arrest Lyle for a "crime spree" in Palm Springs, California. When all eyes turn to Sonny, he shrugs and confesses, "It's good to be mayor." Dorothy tries to chastise him, but is overcome by the allure of his power. It's a shock, denial, anger and acceptance all over again for Blanche. She spent nine long years grieving for George, dreaming of him, and waking to the realization that he's gone. And now he's back? Rose convinces Blanche that she should at least speak to him, if not for herself, then for all those who would never have that second chance. Blanche clears her conscience of thoughts that have troubled her since George's "death." George assures Blanche realizes that she's never seen in anyone's eyes what she sees in George's. They hug. Smash cut: Dorothy comes into Blanche's bedroom to check on her. George's appearance was part of the recurring dream. Except this time, Blanche actually got to hold him, something she thought she'd never be able to do again. The ladies wish her further sweet dreams, and Blanche drifts back to sleep.
b: 17 Nov 90 pc: 138 w: Tracy Gamble & Richard Vaczy d: Matthew Diamondrc: Miles
Dorothy prepares for an event she'd hoped never to face: giving the eulogy at her kid brother's funeral. Phil died suddenly of a heart attack while trying on designer knockoff at "Big Girls Pay Less," leaving Sophia unresolved as to why her son dressed in women's clothing. She blames his wife, Angela, for encouraging his cross-dressing and instead of grieving, turns her energy to perpetuating their twenty-six year feud. Dorothy appeals to Angela to mend the rift, but she's never understood what started it. Dorothy convinces Angela to stay at the house for a few days following the funeral. Sophia continues to snub her. Angela doesn't miss Sophia's support, the shame is that Phil did. Sophia defends her stand: Angela insulted the Petrillos with a rubber dowry check. Angela's shocked that she even had a dowry and furious with Sophia for fragmenting the family over a lousy forty-seven dollars. She tries to make amends by writing a new check, but Sophia demands her driver's license and major credit card. Rose recognizes from her experience at the grief center that the dowry wasn't Sophia's true concern. Sophia admits that every time she saw Phil, she'd wonder what she did or said to make him what he was. Everyone agrees that what Phil was was a good man and there's no shame in having loved him. Sophia grieves...her baby's gone.
b: 24 Nov 90 pc: 139 w: Gail Parent & Jim Vallely d: Matthew DiamondBlanche ventures off to the library with Dorothy and meets a new man. When she pours on the charm, Ted asks her to dinner. Blanche agrees, and why not? He's friendly, athletic-looking and, as she's startled to note when he pulls away from the table...in a wheelchair. Dorothy makes her own discovery at the library. Sophia's library card expired five years ago and the book she has checked out are way overdue. Dorothy convinces Sophia to come clean, return the books and throw herself on the mercy of the librarian. Rose is bringing up baby (Dreyfuss' puppy, Bingo), and it's disrupting the household. Although Sophia is home during the day, she's hardly the one to look after him - look how she raised Dorothy. Bingo digs up a potted plant, gnaws a hole in the newspaper and chews the heel off Blanche's new pump. Rose contacts "Pets for People" and they find him a good home. Nervous about her date with Ted, Blanche convinces Sophia to come along as chaperone. Ted helps Blanche see beyond his disability by pointing out that "most people in wheelchairs were something else until one second before their accident." With further coaxing, he convinces her to lose the chaperone and stay the night with him. As her feelings for Ted deepen, Blanche decides their relationship shouldn't be affected by his confinement to a wheelchair. When she offers to go with him to Philadelphia, Blanche find out he's restricted in way she hadn't anticipated: he's married. Blanche realizes that disabled people exhibit the full range of characteristics that any person would, including selfishness and dishonesty.
b: 1 Dec 90 pc: 137 w: Tom Whedon d: Matthew DiamondDorothy prepares for an event she'd hoped never to face: giving the eulogy at her kid brother's funeral. Phil died suddenly of a heart attack while trying on designer knockoff at "Big Girls Pay Less," leaving Sophia unresolved as to why her son dressed in women's clothing. She blames his wife, Angela, for encouraging his cross-dressing and instead of grieving, turns her energy to perpetuating their twenty-six year feud. Dorothy appeals to Angela to mend the rift, but she's never understood what started it. Dorothy convinces Angela to stay at the house for a few days following the funeral. Sophia continues to snub her. Angela doesn't miss Sophia's support, the shame is that Phil did. Sophia defends her stand: Angela insulted the Petrillos with a rubber dowry check. Angela's shocked that she even had a dowry and furious with Sophia for fragmenting the family over a lousy forty-seven dollars. She tries to make amends by writing a new check, but Sophia demands her driver's license and major credit card. Rose recognizes from her experience at the grief center that the dowry wasn't Sophia's true concern. Sophia admits that every time she saw Phil, she'd wonder what she did or said to make him what he was. Everyone agrees that what Phil was was a good man and there's no shame in having loved him. Sophia grieves...her baby's gone.
b: 15 Dec 90 pc: 140 w: Marc Sotkin d: Matthew Diamondrc: Miles
Rose and Miles' relationship has gone stale. They even make love the same - four hours of the most boring sex imaginable. She doesn't remember life with Charlie ever being this dull. In an effort to leap out of their rut, Rose arranges for she and Miles to jump from an airplane. Sophia consults radio talk-shrink Dr. Gail Kelly for on-air advice about her dependent daughter. Sophia wants to "encourage separation," but ends up spending night after night with Dorothy, putting together a puzzle of the first lunar landing. Meanwhile, Blanche and Rose are out on dates looking at the real moon. Blanche refuses to admit she's in a mentally abusive relationship. Rex Huntington stands her up, shoots her down and has her do his laundry, yet Blanche sees him as a challenge. It isn't until Rex becomes physically violent with Dorothy that Blanche recognizes his cruelty and kicks him out. Rose's skydiving plans have Miles living each day as if it were his last. While talking through their pre-dive jitters, Miles points out that Rose remembers life with Charlie as it never really was, then asks him to compete with it. Rose apologizes and assures Miles she loves him for who he is, even when he's boring. Miles does something Charlie never dared to: he jumps from the plans. Later, Rose visits him at the hospital - thank goodness she didn't jump.
b: 5 Jan 91 pc: 142 w: Philip Jayson Lasker d: Matthew DiamondBlanche's brother Clayton arrives from Atlanta with a big surprise: his boyfriend, Doug. Blanche claims to have accepted Clay's sexual orientation, but actually witnessing his lifestyle his lifestyle throws her a curve. Clayton overhears Blanche obsessing about what people might say and assures her that his and and Doug's commitment to one another is all that matters. To celebrate, they're planning to get married. Sophia plans the Volunteer Vanguard Award banquet on a shoestring budget and secretly promises Dorothy to various men in return for discounts on flowers, catering, even the janitorial service. She's exposed when Dorothy declines the advances of Irving the ice sculptor, but makes good on the deal by offering to go out with him herself. Rose practices her acceptance speech in anticipation of being names "Volunteer Vanguard of the Year." She figures she's a shoe-in this time - after all, she's never won in the seven years she's been nominated and her only competition, Agnes Bradshaw, is dead, dead, dead. The night of the banquet arrives and the winner is...Agnes Bradshaw, in a posthumous victory. Rose is asked to accept on her behalf. Later, it's hard for Rose to part with the trophy, but she realizes that volunteer work isn't about receiving glory...it's about getting that dead woman's name off this year's award. The ladies invite Clayton and Doug to the banquet, but in Blanche's eyes the event becomes their coming out party. She attends, not in deference to them, but to support Rose. Blanche keeps her cool until Clay starts to introduce his fiance. She cuts him off with, "Fire! Fire! Everybody out!" - a distraction that keeps Clay and Doug from going public, but proves she's yet to accept her brother's alternative-style family. Clay tells her to come to terms with it, or not to be a part of it. Sophia helps Blanche to see that everybody wants someone to be with as they grow older and Clayton is no exception. Doug assures her he loves Clay very much and Blanche welcomes her future brother-in-law to the family.
b: 12 Jan 91 pc: 141 w: Marc Cherry & Jamie Wooten d: Matthew Diamondrc: Miles
Underworld kingpin Mickey "The Cheeseman" Moran is dead - news that for some reason prompts Miles to cut short his celebration of Robert Frost's birthday and send the ladies home. Miles, it seems, is a scholar among rogues, a rogue among scholars and not Miles Weber at all. The truth is, he's Nicholas Carbone, a former accountant from Chicago. Years ago, to keep from going to prison, he turned state's evidence with information that put client Moran away. Moran escaped prison, driving Miles into the Federal Witness Relocation Program. With "The Cheeseman" now dead, Miles can return to Chicago and he wants Rose to come along. Blanche buys a $300 outfit for an upcoming date with the intention of returning it afterwards. The hitch is that Dorothy spills coffee on the dress. A quick trip to the cleaners removes the stain, but leaves evidence that exposes Blanche's plan: he dry cleaning tag. Sophia is amped about the about the Tony Bennett concert until Gladys Goldfein decides to take a man in her place. Sophia retaliates with a sicilian curse, Gladys apologizes and reinvites her. Sophia asks to hold her ticket to Tony...Martin? Why would Gladys camp out to see him? Sophia gives her blessing - Gladys can take a date instead. Rose is confused. If Miles lied all that time about his identity, was anything shared between them real? The ladies convince Rose to see him again and she find the similarities between Miles and Nick are uncanny. Nick is the Miles she's always loved. Except now he's actually Larry. News that the Cheeseman staged his death sends Miles back underground. He asks Rose to join him, but it would mean leaving her friends and family behind forever. To tell anyone where they're headed would be too dangerous. Rose makes a difficult choice. She kisses Miles goodbye.
b: 19 Jan 91 pc: 145 w: Don Seigel & Jerry Perzigian d: Matthew Diamondrc: Stan
Dorothy has been going to great lengths to keep her nightly rendezvous with Stan a secret from her mother. Blanche and Rose convince Dorothy she should tell Sophia that she is falling in love with Stan again. Sophia takes the news as well as she did the first time around: she fakes chest pains. At dinner that night, Stan proposes to Dorothy by hiding a beautiful engagement ring inside her baked potato. They agree they'd like to tell everyone in the world about their upcoming wedding...except Dorothy's mother. Rose's casual dinner with a friend is ruined when the man's ex-wife shows up at the restaurant and threatens her with a lobster. She is frightened by the woman's harassment, and calls the police to try to feel safe. Blanche and Rose throw Dorothy a shower, but Sophia will have no part of it. The woman are bored to tears by Rose's shower games, but a stripper, dressed as a cop, arrives to spice up the party. Blanche is goosing the "cop", only to find out it's the real Officer Rose called for protection. Rather than be embarrassed, Blanche gooses him again and makes sure he gets her name right. Sophia is offended because no one asked her permission to let Dorothy marry Stan. But when they call a formal meeting to request Dorothy's hand, Sophia flatly turns them down, saying she doesn't trust Stan, and will disown Dorothy if she goes through with the wedding.
b: 2 Feb 91 pc: 143 w: Mitchell Hurwitz s: Mitchell Hurwitz and Gail Parent & Jim Vallely d: Matthew Diamondrc: Stan
Sophia will stop at nothing to sabotage Dorothy and Stan's wedding. She brings eligible men to the house for Dorothy to meet, cancels the flowers for the ceremony, and bribes the priest to "blow his lines at the Zbornak wedding." Still, plans continue for the big day. But when Blanche finds Truby Steele, an outspoken but lively woman, to rent Dorothy's room, the ladies realize Dorothy is moving out and their friendship will never be the same. The guests are greeted in a less than elegant manner as they arrive for the wedding: Rose has installed a device that makes the doorbell sound like a pack of hounds. "I got it to scare Myra away," she tells Dorothy, referring to the woman who's been threatening Rose to stay away from her ex-husband. When Myra shows up at their door, Rose's roommates have a good laugh. Rose has been frightened by a frail old woman. Rose finally convinces Myra she was never interested in her ex-husband. Dorothy is very nervous for the wedding, but Stan assures her it's the right thing to do. Then he introduces her to his best man, Marvin Mitchelson, who presents Dorothy with a pre-nuptial agreement the size of the Sunday New York Times. Infuriated by Stan's distrust, even after their thirty-seven-year marriage, Dorothy throws Stan out and send the guests home. That night Dorothy decides to invite Sophia along on the trip she was supposed to take with Stan. "This has always ben my worst nightmare," Dorothy admits. "A wedding falling apart at the last minute?" Truby asks. "No," Dorothy says, "going on a honeymoon with my mother."
b: 9 Feb 91 pc: 144 w: Gail Parent & Jim Vallely d: Matthew DiamondAfter a three-week bout with the flu, Sophia needs to take it easy. Dorothy wants Cypress Grove Retirement Home to keep an eye on her during the day, but knows her mother would never agree to staying there as a guest. She arranges a white lie with the owner to introduce Sophia as the new "activities director," but instead of getting rest, Sophia gets active - for her, it's not just a job, it's an adventure. Mr. Porter draws the line when she takes the residents for a walk that turns into a six-hour field trip. He tells Sophia the truth about her position: it was a put-up job. Blanche is "discovered" by a print-ad photographer and asked to model for a Pennysaver ad. When she takes Rose along on the shoot, he decides to use Blanche's face and Rose's hands. Both women are excited until the first edition arrives - "Does your face look like this? Do your hands look like this? Then you need Ponce de Leon Anti-Aging Cream." Blanche launches a desperate effort to retrieve every copy distributed in the greater Miami area. Back at home, Sophia's getting plenty of rest, but she now appears as inactive as the residents at Cypress Grove. Dorothy faces the awkward responsibility of parenting her parent. She stops in to check on her mother, finds her gone and immediately deduces that Sophia snuck off to Cypress Grove. Sure enough, Dorothy catches Sophia in the middle of the Hokey-Pokey and tries to drag her home, but Sophia protests. Is she really so old that she can't make her own choices? Dorothy agrees they'll make decisions involving her, together. Mr. Porter agrees to changes as well and Sophia rejoins the Cypress Grove staff as the volunteer activities director.
b: 16 Feb 91 pc: 146 w: Richard Vaczy & Tracy Gamble d: Matthew DiamondBlanche's date cancels, so she shifts to Plan B; Bushman. When Mel doesn't answer the phone, Blanche becomes frantic about his safety and drags her roommates over to check up on him. Turns out he wasn't dead, just vacationing, but the scare was enough to convince Blanche they're more than "insignificant others." Yabba dabba do, it must be love. Rose took a shot at the weekend news reporter spot. Her audition assignment is a step toward the excitement she's been seeking - she's covering the Thirteenth Annual Miami Pet Dog Expo. Sophia offers sage journalistic advice: get the story, no matter what. Rose does, despite the annoying distraction of an armed robber who shakes down participants for random valuables. The station manager is unimpressed by her fast-breaking coverage of "People Who Resemble Their Dogs", but Dorothy suggests the whole thing is just a matter of editorial judgment. Rose isn't too disappointed; after all, she got to see a dog show for free. Blanche is delighted to find the person she's been sleeping with all these years is the person she loves. Even though she and Mel have been out a thousand times, everything's suddenly changed. But it has changed for the better? Blanche thumbs her nose at Mel's lack of appreciation for dinner at an expensive restaurant while Mel complains about having to put on a tie to eat food he can't see. Blanche insists she loves him - what other explanation is there for flipping out over his disappearance? Mel points out what she really missed was knowing "Bushman awaits." What he misses now is the way they were. Blanche agrees that a relationship is more than just sex and fun and videos and good times. Thank God what they have isn't a relationship.
b: 16 Feb 91 pc: 147 w: Robert Spina d: Matthew Diamondrc: Rebecca
Blanche gets roped into babysitting for her granddaughter, Aurora, while Rebecca goes on a job interview. Blanche reluctantly takes the baby with her to a Community Playhouse audition for Taming of the Shrew. Although she doesn't get the part of Kate, she does get the man. Her Petruchio Jason, thinks Aurora is Blanche's daughter and Blanche is too flattered to correct him. Jason, Blanche and Aurora become a threesome and Jason entertains prospects of their future as a family. Sophia readies for the Festival of the Dancing Virgins, a celebration of mothers and daughters. Because Dorothy is too wrapped up in teaching her honors class to help, Sophia teaches Rose the family recipe for Salsa Grandioso. Dorothy confesses she's intimidated by her intelligent students, so Sophia tells her she was the brightest kid in Brooklyn. Fortified with new confidence, Dorothy takes another run at it. But when Dorothy decides to skip the festival to attend a MENSA meeting, Sophia admits Dorothy wasn't an outstanding student. High I.Q. or not, Dorothy recognizes the importance of family and community. Next year she'll learn the sauce. Rebecca voices the delight that Blanche has taken such a liking to her granddaughter. When Blanche comes clean, Rebecca is livid that her mother would use her baby to snag a man. The truth is enough to alienate Jason as well. He has no problem dating a grandmother, but he will not date a liar. Sophia's recollection of good times spent with her grandmother prompts Rebecca to mend the rift between she and her mother. The Festival of the Dancing Virgins is celebrated by all.
b: 2 Mar 91 pc: 149 w: Gail Parent & Jim Vallely d: Robert Berlingerrc: Miles
Rose is dating Karl, a guy who might be able to help her forget about Miles. But as Rose mulls over whether or not to go away with Karl for the weekend, Miles reappears as his new identity - Samuel Plankmaker, Amish farmer. He's decided to risk being found by "The Cheeseman" in order to be with Rose. Once the ladies agree to let Miles stay at the house a couple of days, Rose realizes she doesn't know how to react: how will she be able to go on with her life if Miles keep reappearing? Meanwhile, Sophia has lost her glasses and insists she's not making a big deal about it. She just reports it to the police. Barbara Weston from next door answers the call and tells Sophia that she'll check the lost and found. Preparing her lineage presentation for the initiation banquet of the "Daughters of the Old South," Blanche discovers that her great grandmother was not only born in Buffalo, New York, but also bore the un-Southern name of Feldman. Blanche decides to attend the banquet anyway and lie her way into the club. Once there, she realizes she can't forsake her heritage, and sacrifices her membership into the club - after a little begging. At the banquet, Karl excuses himself to make a phone call, and reveals he is actually "The Cheeseman." Rose unwittingly tells Karl that Miles is back and staying with her. Back home, the ladies and Miles are surprised by Karl, revealing a pistol and his true identity. The doorbell rings and Barbara arrives with Sophia's glasses - stolen by Dreyfuss. Barbara is able to apprehend "The Cheeseman," and Rose and Miles are free to be together again.
b: 9 Mar 91 pc: 148 w: Mitchell Hurwitz d: Zane Buzby NOTE: Kristy McNichol crosses over from Empty Nest.Dorothy gets a call from an old friend - the man who stood her up for her senior prom. John Nerritti is in town and wants to see her. Despite Sophia's insistence that Dorothy should let the past rest, Dorothy devises her revenge: she'll accept the date, then tell John she forgot about it. But Dorothy's plan to make John crumble backfires. She takes one look at him and is soon sitting in a Medieval restaurant enjoying his company. After asking Dorothy if he can escort her to a prom she's chaperoning the next week, John refutes a misconception Dorothy has held for years: John did show up to take Dorothy to their prom, only to be thrown out by Sophia. Blanche's wedding anniversary approaches, along with her yearly tradition of having her picture taken in her wedding dress. However, to fit into it this year, Blanche must diet. She decides to try the Drink-It-Off plan, one sensible meal and two diet shakes a day. After Rose eats her sensible meal one day, Blanche loses control and calls her a "babbling, bubble-headed, bleach blonde baboon." After a week of suffering for all, Blanche manages to fit in her bright red wedding dress. Rose takes the picture, but notices as Blanche leaves the room that the zipper has split. Snapping a picture of the retreating Blanche, Rose notes, "Baboons never forget." Although it was forty years ago, Dorothy cannot forgive Sophia for what happened on that prom night. If Sophia hadn't sent John away, she may not have gone out with Stanley Zbornak and gotten pregnant. Later, John informs Dorothy that he thinks Sophia was right in throwing out the rude, poorly dressed kid who came to pick up Dorothy, and by doing that, Sophia made him look at himself and change. Considering this, Dorothy apologizes to Sophia, telling her she understands that we make the best decisions we can with what we know. Peace restored, Dorothy "tells Ma" about the prom she finally got to go to with John Nerretti.
b: 23 Mar 91 pc: 150 w: Marc Cherry & Jamie Wooten d: Lex Passaris NOTE: Guest Melton had previously appeared in flashbacks as Dorothy's father Augusto.rc: Stan, Uncle Angelo
The ladies prepare for the Children's Hospital Bachelorette Auction. It takes some convincing to get Dorothy to participate; last year she was love slave to a balloon salesman named Sid. Her roommates pitch in to guarantee her a better suitor, but things go beyond their control: when Dorothy goes up on the block she incites a bidding war. Offers rise higher and higher until she's "Sold!"...to Stan for five hundred dollars. Dorothy's Uncle Angelo arrives from Sicily, dead-ass broke with nowhere to live. Stan's Uncle Morris dies, leaving Stan and Dorothy am apartment building. Coincidence? Stan thinks not. Dorothy reluctantly agrees to a partnership, strictly business, and Uncle Angelo movies into Uncle Morris's old apartment. Angelo complains about everything except the rent - he's not paying any. Despite Stan's attempt to buy his way into Dorothy's life, she refuses to let herself get taken in again. "Stanley...no matter how hard you try, you can't fix something that no longer works." Stan agrees to let go, but points out that dissolving their partnership means tossing her Uncle Angelo out on the street. Sure, it's blackmail, but it's got a certain logic. Dorothy acquiesces: they'll be business partners, but that's it. Stan has his own definition, "You're my girl, Dorothy. You always will be. But if you want me to go, then that's what I'll do." After he leaves, Dorothy reflects that it's over. Truly over. And she's okay.
b: 6 Apr 91 pc: 151 w: Don Seigel; Jerry Perzigian d: Peter D. Beytrc: Stan
Maria Heartgrave confesses on her deathbed that she and Sophia started a 1985 Shady Pines fire while cooking a s'mores with a contraband hot plate. Sophia's inability to provide the hot plate as evidence results in her arrest. Dorothy bails a fearful Sophia out of jail. The ladies then hire an attorney who is big into character references resulting in lots of reminiscing. The next day, Sophia tries to jump bail and return to Sicily, but gets caught when her chef's knife shows up in airport security. Dorothy is notified and gives Sophia an introduction to prison life by locking her in her room for the night under watchful eye and key. By reliving the night of the fire, Sophia thinks she is innocent when she remembers the curtains were on fire and she escaped with the hot plate. Rose also discovers a guy on the take might be the culprit. However, with Mrs. Heartgrave's strong confession, Sophia needs to provide the hot plate as evidence to get the charges dropped. Where is it? Her memory is jogged when the smoke alarm goes off in her bedroom and she yells, "Anyone for s'mores?"
b: 27 Apr 91 pc: 153 w: Tracy Gamble & Richard Vaczy and Tom Whedon & Mitchell Hurwitz s: Gail Parent d: Matthew Diamondrc: Stan
Maria Heartgrave confesses on her deathbed that she and Sophia started a 1985 Shady Pines fire while cooking a s'mores with a contraband hot plate. Sophia's inability to provide the hot plate as evidence results in her arrest. Dorothy bails a fearful Sophia out of jail. The ladies then hire an attorney who is big into character references resulting in lots of reminiscing. The next day, Sophia tries to jump bail and return to Sicily, but gets caught when her chef's knife shows up in airport security. Dorothy is notified and gives Sophia an introduction to prison life by locking her in her room for the night under watchful eye and key. By reliving the night of the fire, Sophia thinks she is innocent when she remembers the curtains were on fire and she escaped with the hot plate. Rose also discovers a guy on the take might be the culprit. However, with Mrs. Heartgrave's strong confession, Sophia needs to provide the hot plate as evidence to get the charges dropped. Where is it? Her memory is jogged when the smoke alarm goes off in her bedroom and she yells, "Anyone for s'mores?"
b: 27 Apr 91 pc: 154 w: Richard Vaczy & Tracy Gamble and Don Seigel & Jerry Perzigian s: Jim Vallely d: Matthew DiamondDorothy's plans to direct her school's production of "Henny Penny" hit a snag when the first grade cast is quarantined. Rather than forfeit a chance to get the other kids into reading, Dorothy insists the show must go on. The ladies all pitch in: Sophia is the narrator, Rose is Henny Penny and Dorothy is Turkey Lurkey. Even Blanche takes a respite from her Spring Break activities to play Goosey Loosey. The production seems to be back on track until Rose learns that the chickens die in the end. She balks at the fable's violence and tells Dorothy to get herself a new Henny Penny. Dorothy pitches "Henny Penny" as a way to show kids not everything works out the way you'd like it to. Rose reminisces about a kinder, gentler St. Olaf where fables were non-violent and had positive role models. She finally agrees to resume her role and the play goes off without a hitch...until the end. After Henny Penny, Turkey Lurkey and Goosey Loosey file off the meet their end in Foxy Loxy's den, Rose rushes back on stage and pleads with the audience to save the characters by clapping their hands. No response. She tries repeatedly until Dorothy and Blanche drag her off stage while she curses the little monsters with future bad dreams. The reviews come in; the play was a success. And every copy of Henry Penny was checked out of the library.
b: 4 May 91 pc: 152 w: Tom Whedon d: Judy Pioli| Back to TOP of Page |
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