epguides.com presents

The Golden Girls

an Episode Guide
by Russell Wodell

Last updated:
Fri, 21 Apr 2006 06:00

Cast Photo
aired from: Sep 1985 to: May 1992 180 eps NBC 30 min stereo closed captioned

regulars:

  • Beatrice Arthur as Dorothy Zbornak
  • Rue McClanahan as Blanche Devereaux
  • Betty White as Rose Nylund
  • Estelle Getty as Sophia Petrillo, Dorothy's mother

    recurring characters:

  • Herbert Edelman as Stan Zbornak, Dorothy's ex-husband
  • Harold Gould as Miles Webber, Rose's boyfriend
  • Bill Dana as Uncle Angelo, Sophia's brother
  • Debra Engle as Rebecca, Blanche's daughter
  • Sid Melton as Salvador, Sophia's husband and Dorothy's father, seen in flashbacks
  • Lyn Greene as Young Dorothy, seen in flashbacks
  • Richard Mulligan as Dr. Harry Weston (as his character from Empty Nest) [ season 4+ ]

    A series about 4 older women living together. The theme song for the series was "Thank You for Being a Friend," lyrics by Andrew Gold, music by George Aliceson Tipton and was sung by Cynthia Fee.

    An anthology of ten scripts from the series was published as The Golden Girls Created by: Susan Harris, With an introduction and commentary by John Marriott (London, Boxtree, 1991, 237 pp.). Included are the scripts: "Job Hunting," "Transplant," "Blanche and the Younger Man," "Love Under the Big Top," "Not Another Monday," Comedy of Errors," "Have Yourself a Very Little Christmas," "Like the Beep Beep Beep of the Tom Tom," "72 Hours," and "Cheaters". To my knowledge this volume has not been published in North America (I found my copy in a bookstore in Utrecht during a holiday in the Netherlands). The episodes selected emphasize the issue-oriented side of the show and are not necessarily the funniest.

    Following Bea Arthur's departure, the series was revamped into the unsuccessful The Golden Palace. The Golden Girls was so popular in Britain (including a Royal command performance for the Queen Mother) that a British version was prepared as The Brighton Belles a ten episode series that ran in 1993.

    Occasionally characters from the spin-off series Empty Nest appear from time to time as the next door neighbors the Westons. Following the cancellation of the series and its sequel, Estelle Getty became a regular cast member of Empty Nest as her character Sophia.


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      1st Season 1985

      Production credits:
      A Witt Thomas Harris Production
      Executive producers: Paul Junger Witt, Tony Thomas
      Produced by: Kathy Speer, Terry Grossman
      Co-produced by: Marsha Posner Williams
      Created by: Susan Harris
      Supervising producer: Paul Bogart
      Executive story consultant: Winifred Hervey
      Executive script consultants: Mort Nathan, Barry Fanaro
      Creative consultant: Liz Sage
      Associate directors: Jon Sharp, Gary Shimokawa, Doug Smart
      Editorial assistant: Lex Passaris


    1. "Pilot"
      gs: Charles Levin [ Coco ], Frank Aletter [ Harry ], F. William Parker [ Minister ], Meshach Taylor [ Cop ]

      Blanche has been dating a wonderful man named Harry, whom the others suspect is about to propose to her. Their suspicions are confirmed when Blanche comes home from a date with Harry, all aflutter with marriage plans. Rose and Dorothy realize that Blanche's forthcoming union will mean a change of address for them. The day of the wedding dawns and Rose has a sinking feeling about Harry, but Dorothy prevents her from telling Blanche. While they wait for Harry to arrive for the nuptials, a policeman arrives to tell Blanche she has become involved with a bigamist. Blanche reels into a deep depression, but her friends' attempts to cheer her up make her realize she will be hard-pressed to find the love and support from someone else that she has found with her friends.

      b: 14 Sep 85 pc: 001 w: Susan Harris d: Jay Sandrich

      NOTE: This episode establishes the "post-feminist" premise of the series: despite their sexual and romantic yearnings for men, the four women really find support only in the solidarity of the family they construct for themselves. The swift elimination of the character of the gay houseboy Coco following the pilot caused some criticism at the time, but in retrospect it seems a wise decision to have made the household exclusively female.
    2. "Guess Who's Coming to the Wedding?"
      gs: Lisa Jane Persky [ Kate ], Dennis Drake [ Dennis ], Kurt Smildsin [ Priest ]

      rc: Stan

      Another planned marriage gives Dorothy a rare opportunity for revenge. When daughter Kate decides to marry a podiatrist, Dorothy is forced to invite her despised ex-husband Stan. Their reunion threatens to cast a pall over wedding festivities, as Rose, Blanche and Sophia struggle to keep Dorothy's emotions in check. In a moment of 'heart to heart,' Dorothy warms Kate's cold feet with some sound advice about love and marriage, and the hitch goes off without a hitch. As the newlyweds take their leave, Dorothy ushers Stan to the lanai to vent her spleen to 'the man she used to love.'

      b: 21 Sep 85 pc: 004 w: Winifred Hervey d: Paul Bogart

      NOTE: This episode introduces the recurring character of Stan, who, as the only surviving ex-spouse of the household (the other three women are widows) must serve as a one-man punching bag for the series, combining every possible male character flaw into one extremely disagreeable personality. It is a credit to the acting skills of Edelman and Arthur that they managed to make it credible that Dorothy could ever have stayed in the same room with such a louse; the later seasons of the series grudgingly allowed Stan a modicum of dignity and decency.
    3. "Rose the Prude"
      gs: Harold Gould [ Arnie ]

      Rose has qualms about sharing her stateroom on an upcoming cruise to the Bahamas with a man she likes. Arnie's warm personality ultimately calms her fears, and Rose enjoys her "maiden" voyage back into the world of love. Back on shore, a game of gin serves as a catalyst for Dorothy and Sophia to come to a new mutual understanding.

      b: 28 Sep 85 pc: 006 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Jim Drake

      NOTE: The chemistry between Betty White and guest star Gould was so successful that he soon returns to the series in the recurring role of Rose's somewhat mysterious boyfriend Miles Webber.
    4. "Transplant"
      gs: Sheree North [ Virginia ]

      Blanche is dreading a visit from her hated sister Virginia, who always took everything that meant anything to Blanche. Virginia refuses to rise to the bait of Blanche's anger and insults, but admits that she now wants something else: a kidney. She will die if she does not receive a transplant, and their older sister's kidneys are fused. Meanwhile, Blanche is upset that Dorothy has agreed to baby-sit for a friend whose husband is in the hospital; and only adjusts to the presence of the baby just as he returns to his parents.

      b: 5 Oct 85 pc: 005 w: Susan Harris d: Paul Bogart

      NOTE: Script published in anthology The Golden Girls.
    5. "The Triangle"
      gs: Peter Hansen [ Dr. Elliot Clayton ]

      The doctor who comes to treat Sophia's high blood pressure captivates both Dorothy and Blanche, and for once Dorothy beats out Blanche and dates "the most attractive man to hit Florida since Mr. John Forsythe played Hamlet at the Burt Reynolds Dinner Theatre." Blanche is jealous until Dr. Clayton makes an unmistakable pass at her while still dating Dorothy. Blanche confides in Rose, who urges her to tell Dorothy the truth, but when Dorothy accuses Blanche of lying, Blanche tells Dorothy to move out. Rose saves the day by forcing the doctor to come clean about his behavior.

      b: 19 Oct 85 pc: 009 w: Winifred Hervey d: Jim Drake
    6. "On Golden Girls"
      gs: Billy Jacoby [ David ], John Hostetter [ Policeman ], Karl Wiedergott [ Boy #1 ]

      A visit from Blanche's undisciplined 14-year-old grandson David, whose parents are on a second honeymoon in an attempt to patch up their shaky marriage, gives new meaning to the term "generation gap." A bit of hard love in the form of household chores helps David discover a new sense of self-worth, but the plan backfires when the boy announces he wants to live in Florida with his grandmother.

      b: 26 Oct 85 pc: 007 w: Liz Sage d: Jim Drake
    7. "The Competition"
      gs: Ralph Manza [ Augustine Bagatelli ]

      It's Sophia and Rose vs. Dorothy and Blanche in a bowling tournament. The bet: if Sophia's team wins, Dorothy will lend her airfare for a trip to Sicily with her old beau Augustine. Dorothy deliberately blows an easy spare to allow Sophia to win, and is rewarded with Sophia's pair of silver earrings she has always coveted.

      b: 2 Nov 85 pc: 010 w: Mort Nathan & Barry Fanaro d: Jim Drake
    8. "Break-in"
      gs: Christian Clemenson [ Salesman ], Robert Rothwell [ Lester ]

      Terrified by a burglary, the girls explore means to protect themselves, including a dog, an alarm system, Mace and a gun. But Rose becomes convinced she will never be safe again, and a trip to a psychiatrist doesn't seem to help -- until Rose defends herself successfully against a parking attendant.

      b: 9 Nov 85 pc: 003 w: Susan Harris d: Paul Bogart
    9. "Blanche and the Younger Man"
      gs: Jeanette Nolan [ Alma Linstrum ], Charles Hill [ Dirk ]

      Blanche dates her very much younger aerobics instructor and gets a new lease on youth -- until the man confesses that he is attracted to her because she reminds him of her mother. Meanwhile, Rose overprotects her visiting mother Alma, whose fitness actually puts the other women to shame.

      b: 16 Nov 85 pc: 011 w: Stan Zimmerman & James Berg d: Jim Drake

      NOTE: Script published in anthology The Golden Girls.
    10. "Heart Attack"
      gs: Ronald Hunter [ Dr. Harris ]

      After a party Sophia suffers an apparent heart attack, complaining of "Pavarotti sitting on my chest," and the girls nervously await paramedics who are delayed by a storm. Convinced she is dying, Sophia imparts her last words of wisdom to a devastated Dorothy; but it turns out to be merely a gall bladder attack brought on by overeating.

      b: 23 Nov 85 pc: 013 w: Susan Harris d: Paul Bogart
    11. "The Return of Dorothy's Ex"
      gs: Simone Griffith [ Chrissy ]

      rc: Stan

      Sophia is upset to hear that Dorothy, Blanche and Rose are planning a vacation together without her. Meanwhile, Dorothy's ex Stan appears unexpectedly to ask her to sign papers regarding the land they bought together on their honeymoon -- and winds spends the night with Dorothy. Then he confesses that his wife Chrissy has left him for a younger man and he wants a reconciliation with Dorothy. When Chrissy appears to say that her new boyfriend has dumped her, Stan rejects her until Dorothy tells him she is happier without him; Stan immediately chases after Chrissy because "terrific sex is better than nothing."

      b: 30 Nov 85 pc: 012 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Jim Drake

      NOTE: This episode is referred to in syndication simply as "Stan's Return." The change may indicate that the producers had not decided on Stan as a recurring character this early in the series.
    12. "The Custody Battle"
      gs: Doris Belack [ Gloria ]

      Dorothy's wealthy kid sister Gloria arrives with a proposal that's hard to refuse: she wants Sophia to live with her in California. The resulting battle rages only until both women realize that Sophia has privately told each of them that she is her favorite child, and the two reconcile when Gloria admits that Sophia is happiest where she is. Meanwhile, both Blanche and Rose audition for an amateur production of Macbeth, and Blanche is humiliated by being offered the role of "Witch Number Three".

      b: 7 Dec 85 pc: 014 w: Winifred Hervey d: Terry Hughes
    13. "A Little Romance"
      gs: Brent Collins [ Dr. Jonathan Newman ], Billy Barty [ Edgar ], Tony Carreiro [ Waiter ], Jeanne Dixon [ Herself ]

      Rose's large interest in a very small man is completely reciprocated, so her only hang-up is more a difference in altitude than attitude. When she becomes convinced that he is about to propose, the other girls are aghast; but Rose is let down easy when her beau tells her that he could never consider marrying her for religious reasons.

      b: 14 Dec 85 pc: 015 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes

      NOTE: *Emmy Award, 1985-86, Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series.
    14. "That Was No Lady"
      gs: Alex Rocco [ Glen ]

      Dorothy falls for Glen, a handsome gym teacher at her school, then discovers he is married; and horrifies the others and herself by pursuing the relationship regardless. Meanwhile, Blanche persuades Rose to buy her old clunker of a car on a two-week trial basis; then the car is stolen, and Blanche is horrified until Sophia points that she will get full blue book value from the insurance company. Dorothy finally realizes she is not "chick on the side" material and dumps Glen, so Blanche offers to cheer her up with a spin in her new car.

      b: 21 Dec 85 pc: 008 w: Liz Sage d: Jim Drake
    15. "In a Bed of Rose's"
      gs: Priscilla Morrill [ Lucille ], Richard Roat [ Al ]

      Rose's bed is no bed of roses for Al, the man she spends the night with: he's dead of an apparent heart attack when she wakes up in the morning. Since her late husband also died after sex, this convinces her that she has the "kiss of death" and must remain celibate forever. Things only get worse when she call Al's sister to inform her of his death and learns that the woman was actually his wife.

      b: 11 Jan 86 pc: 016 w: Susan Harris d: Terry Hughes
    16. "The Truth Will Out (a.k.a. The Will)"
      gs: Bridgette Andersen [ Charley ], Christina Belford [ Kirsten ]

      Rose is strangely apprehensive about a visit from her daughter Kirsten and granddaughter Charley to discuss her will -- which turns out to be strangely modest, given that Kirsten believes her father left her a wealthy widow. Accused of frittering away the estate, Rose is forced to confess that she always greatly exaggerated the amount of money that her insurance agent husband Charlie made -- but there is enough for Rose and Kirsten to treat grandmother Charley to a nice lunch.

      b: 18 Jan 86 pc: 017 w: Susan Beavers d: Terry Hughes
    17. "Nice and Easy"
      gs: Hallie Todd [ Lucy ], Ken Stovizt [ Ed ]

      When it comes to dating, Blanche runs a poor second to her visiting niece Lucy, who's out with a new man all night every night: a doctor she met on the plane, a college interviewer who flies her to the Bahamas, and a trendy vice squad cop. When Blanche calls Lucy on her behavior, the young woman counters that Blanche is not exactly a saint herself.

      b: 1 Feb 86 pc: 018 w: Stuart Silverman d: Terry Hughes
    18. "The Operation"
      gs: Anne Haney [ Bonnie ], Robert Picardo [ Dr. Revell ], Bill Quinn [ Priest ], Belita Moreno [ Sister ]

      Dorothy is having trouble facing minor surgery to her foot after a tap-dancing injury trying to do a "six-count Cincinnati riff with a double pull-back.". She finally cracks and sneaks home, but is persuaded to return to the operating room -- and is treated to some recovery entertainment from her tapping housemates.

      b: 8 Feb 86 pc: 019 w: Winifred Hervey d: Terry Hughes

      NOTE: Guest Picardo would later become famous playing another doctor on Star Trek: Voyager Some sources do not credit guest Moreno, whose part may have been cut in syndication.
    19. "Second Motherhood"
      gs: Kevin McCarthy [ Richard ], Alan Blumenfeld [ Lou ], Terry Wills [ Plumber ]

      Blanche is romanced by millionaire suitor Richard, but is uncertain about becoming a second mother to his young children. Meanwhile, Rose and Dorothy do battle with the bathroom plumbing -- and with chauvinistic plumbers.

      b: 15 Feb 86 pc: 020 w: Christopher Lloyd d: Gary Shimokawa
    20. "Adult Education"
      gs: Jerry Hardin [ Prof. Cooper ], James Staley [ Dean Tucker ]

      Blanche fails her psychology midterm and asks her professor for help, and is shocked when he offers her an unorthodox way of passing his course; Dorothy tries everything to get tickets to a sold-out Sinatra concert.

      b: 22 Feb 86 pc: 021 w: James Berg & Stan Zimmerman d: Jack Shea
    21. "Flu Attack (a.k.a. The Flu)"
      gs: Sharon Spelman [ Dr. Richmond ], Bill Cort [ Dave ], Ray Reinhardt [ Harold ], Marc Tubert [ Raoul ], Tony Carreiro [ Tommy Cochran ], Dom Irrera [ Waiter ], Silvana Gallardo [ Emcee ]

      Dorothy, Blanche and Rose vie to receive an award at the annual charity banquet for "best Friends of the Friends of Good Health," but all except Sophia come down with influenza just before the big night -- at which there is a big surprise: the winner is Sophia. "Who knew an old lady with a tin cup could bring in so much money!"

      b: 1 Mar 86 pc: 023 w: James Berg & Stan Zimmerman d: Terry Hughes
    22. "Job Hunting"
      gs: Richard Venture [ Milton ]

      Rose loses her job when the grief counseling center closes -- but not her clients, who drive the others crazy by calling at all hours while Rose searches for new employment, Blanche diets, and Dorothy prepares to meet her old high school crush Barry Glick.

      b: 8 Mar 86 pc: 002 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Paul Bogart

      NOTE: Script published in anthology The Golden Girls.
    23. "Blind Ambitions"
      gs: Polly Holliday [ Lilly ], Donna LaBrie [ Stewardess ], Annie Abbott [ Woman #1 ], Bill Graton [ Man #2 ], Stuart Fratkin [ Man #3 ]

      Rose's visiting sister Lilly, having been independent all her life, can't accept the fact that now she's blind and needs help -- until a kitchen fire shows her that there are limits to anyone's independence. Meanwhile, Lilly inspires the roommates to hold a garage sale in order to earn enough money for a new television, but they only learn how attached they are to their respective possessions.

      b: 29 Mar 86 pc: 024 w: R.J. Colleary d: Terry Hughes
    24. "Big Daddy"
      gs: Murray Hamilton [ Big Daddy ], Gordon Jump [ Leonard Barton ], Peggy Pope [ Gladys Barton ], Gary Grubbs [ Waiter ], Tony Frank [ Cowboy #1 ], Blake Emmons [ Cowboy #2 ]

      Blanche is thunderstruck to learn that her father has sold everything he owns to launch a career as a country singer at a local cantina -- particularly when the housemates discover that his act is so terrible the club cancelled his booking.

      b: 3 May 86 pc: 022 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    25. "The Way We Met"
      gs: Shirley Prestia [ Mme. Zelda ], Edan Cross [ Boy ], Dom Irrera [ Produce Clerk ]

      Blanche recalls how Rose and Dorothy came to be her housemates after she posted a notice in the local supermarket, and how they came to be friends despite their disparate personalities and initial difficulties, mainly through a mutual love of cheesecake.

      b: 10 May 86 pc: 025 w: Kathy Speer, Terry Grossman, Winifred Hervey, Mort Nathan, Barry Fanaro d: Terry Hughes

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    The Golden Girls (2nd Season Episode Guide)

    2nd Season 1986

      Production credits:
      Produced by: Kathy Speer, Terry Grossman
      Co-produced by: Winifred Hervey, Mort Nathan, Barry Fanaro, Marsha Posner Williams
      Created by: Susan Harris
      Executive producers: Paul Junger Witt, Tony Thomas
      Story editors: Christopher Lloyd, Bob Rosenfarb
      Associate producer: Greg Giangregorio
      Associate directors: Gary Shimokawa, Lex Passaris, Lex Cohen
      Post production supervisor: Lex Passaris


    1. "End of the Curse"
      gs: Philip Sterling [ Dr. Barensfeld ], Vince Cannon [ Dr. Parks ], George J. Woods [ Man ]

      Blanche is upset because she thinks she's pregnant -- then despondent when she learns it's the onset of menopause. Meanwhile, the others attempt to raise cash by raising minks, which seem strangely uninterested in each other.

      b: 27 Sep 86 pc: 026 w: Susan Harris Witt d: Terry Hughes
    2. "Ladies of the Evening"
      gs: Phil Rubenstein [ Exterminator ], Ron Michaelson [ Carl ], Tony Swartz [ John ], Peter Gonneau [ Walter ], Peter Jason [ Policeman ], Rhonda Aldrichh [ Meg ], Cheryl Checcetto [ Hooker ], Mimi Kincade [ Hooker ], Ursaline Bryant [ Hooker ], Ron Kappa [ Hotel Manager ], Suanne Spoke [ Woman in Lobby ], Jim Kelly [ Guard ], Burt Reynolds [ Himself ]

      Excited over having won three tickets to the premiere of the new Burt Reynolds film, the girls check into a Miami Beach hotel chosen by Blanche because of the number of men hanging out in the lobby -- and promptly get arrested as suspected prostitutes. When Sophia comes to bail them out, none of the three will give up her ticket to Sophia -- who abandons them and goes to the party alone. Released the next day, and angrily refusing to believe Sophia's tales of schmoozing with the stars, the ladies are taken aback when Burt Reynolds himself arrives to take Sophia to lunch.

      b: 4 Oct 86 pc: 029 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    3. "Take Him, He's Mine"
      gs: Lana Schwab [ Girl ], Tom La Grua [ Vinny ]

      rc: Stan

      Dorothy's ex Stan has lost his business and wants solace, but Dorothy has a date with a dashing naval officer, so she dumps him on Blanche -- and they unexpectedly hit it off. Meanwhile, Sophia convinces Rose that they can make it big in the sandwich business --once they muscle out the main competition, "Johnny No-Thumbs.".

      b: 11 Oct 86 pc: 028 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Terry Hughes
    4. "It's a Miserable Life"
      gs: Nan Martin [ Mrs. Claxton ], Thom Sharp [ Pfeiffer ], Johnny Haymer [ Commissioner ], Amzie Strickland [ Woman ]

      When the city launches a campaign to widen Richmond Street, the girls circulate a petition to save an 200-year-old old oak tree on the property of a "miserable, vile, scum-sucking" woman who wants it cut down. Rose finally loses her temper and tells the nasty neighbor to drop dead -- and she does, leaving Rose devastated by guilt. Things aren't improved when the girls take responsibility for the funeral (which no one else attends), then discover that Mrs. Claxton was accidentally cremated, so Rose decides to scatter the ashes around the roots of the old oak tree.

      b: 1 Nov 86 pc: 034 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    5. "Isn't it Romantic"
      gs: Lois Nettleton [ Jean ]

      Jean, a visiting old college friend of Dorothy's who has recently separated from her spouse Pat, falls for naive Rose, who is delighted to discover how much she and Jean have in common. Meanwhile, Sophia has been renting racy videotapes behind Dorothy's back.

      b: 8 Nov 86 pc: 029 w: Jeffrey Duteil d: Terry Hughes

      NOTE: Emmy Award, 86-87, to Terry Hughes for Outstanding Directing in a Comedy Series. This episode was celebrated at the time for its unsensational treatment of lesbian attaraction between mature women.
    6. "Big Daddy's Little Lady"
      gs: David Wayne [ Big Daddy Hollingsworth ], Sondra Currie [ Margaret Spencer ]

      Blanche's dad arrives with a surprise: he's remarrying. An even bigger surprise is his fiancée, an attractive young widow. Meanwhile, Rose and Dorothy enter a contest to win $10,000 by writing a song about Miami: "Miami, You've Got Style".

      b: 15 Nov 86 pc: 035 w: Russell Marcus d: David Steinberg

      NOTE: The part of Blanche's Big Daddy was previously portrayed by Murray Hamilton. Although the role seemed a natural as a recurring character, Big Daddy does not appear again, and is killed off in "Ebbtide".
    7. "Family Affair"
      gs: Scott Jacoby [ Michael Zbornak ], Marilyn Jones [ Bridget Nylund ]

      A generational clash occurs when Dorothy's jazz-playing son Michael and Rose's daughter Bridget visit -- and hit it off. Meanwhile, Blanche wrenches her back trying to impress a man in her aerobics class.

      b: 12 Nov 86 pc: 036 w: Winifred Hervey d: Terry Hughes

      NOTE: Scott Jacoby makes two further appearances as Dorothy's son: in the episodes Mixed Blessing and All That Jazz, but does not really qualify as a recurring character.
    8. "Vacation"
      gs: Tom Villard [ Rick ], Brett Porter [ Winston ], Keye Luke [ Toshiro Mitsumo ], Stephen Lee [ Dwayne ], Paul Rodriquez [ Ramone ], Stuart Pankin [ Jacques ]

      While the girls take a disappointing trip to the Caribbean, where their "luxury" hotel turns out to be a dump full of obnoxious men there for a college reunion, Sophia enjoys herself at home getting to know the Japanese gardener -- intimately.

      b: 29 Nov 86 pc: 030 w: Winifred Hervey d: Terry Hughes
    9. "Joust Between Friends"
      gs: Reid Shelton [ Mr. Allen ]

      After Dorothy searches fruitlessly for a part-time job during her vacation leave from school -- preferably "one that doesn't involve selling cocaine" -- Blanche gets her a position at the museum. But when Dorothy fits in so well that she gets a plum assignment, an angry Blanch accuses her of back-stabbing. Meanwhile, Rose lobbies to keep a stray dog over Dorothy's objections.

      b: 6 Dec 86 pc: 031 w: Scott Spencer Gordon d: Terry Hughes
    10. "Love, Rose"
      gs: Paul Dooley [ Isaac Q. Newton ], Colin Drake [ Wilfred Whitney Cheswick ]

      Concerned that Rose spends her Saturday evening reorganizing her recipe file while her housemates all have dates, Blanche and Dorothy persuade Rose to place a personal ad in the community newspaper. But Rose only becomes more depressed when she discovers that Sophia is being chased by men while she "can't even get one to write me a letter." Finally she gets a response -- but remains unaware that the letters (from one "Isaac Newton") are being penned by Blanche. Realizing that things have gone too far when they discover that Rose has searched the phone book and invited a very real Isaac Q. Newton to accompany her to a reception, the housemates confess the truth in front of Rose and a relieved Newton -- who was beginning to believe that he really had written the letters....

      b: 13 Dec 86 pc: 037 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Terry Hughes
    11. "'Twas the Nightmare Before Christmas"
      gs: Terry Kiser [ Santa ], Teddy Wilson [ Albert ], Richard Nelson [ Craig Thurber ], Sam Anderson [ Meyer ], Teddy Wilson [ Albert ], Buddy Daniels [ Hare Krishna Devotee ]

      The girls' plans to join their respective families for the holiday are upset by a series of bizarre events -- including a lonely Santa taking the roommates hostage at the crisis center where the others have come to pick up Rose from work. Fortunately, Sophia saves the day, pointing out that any real Italian "can tell a toy gun from a real piece." They make it to the airport with minutes to spare, only to be told that all flights from Miami have been cancelled, and settle down to a makeshift Christmas with their second family: each other.

      b: 20 Dec 86 pc: 038 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    12. "The Sisters"
      gs: Nancy Walker [ Angela ]

      As a birthday present for Sophia, Dorothy brings Sophia's sister Angela, whom she has not seen for fifty years, over from Sicily. The trick is keeping it a surprise, especially when Rose "the Blabbermouth" is given the third degree by a suspicious Sophia. But the real surprise is Dorothy's, when Sophia screams "I hate that woman!" and refuses to speak to her sister. All is well when it is finally discovered that the feud was the result of mutual misunderstandings: Sophia didn't kiss Angela's husband, Carmine, under the mistletoe, and Angela didn't blab Sophia's secret to everyone at Francesca Raguso's Christmas party in 1955.

      b: 3 Jan 87 pc: 039 w: Christopher Lloyd d: Terry Hughes
    13. "The Stan Who Came to Dinner"
      gs: Rob Sabbe [ Rob ], Odil Sabbe [ Bob ], Steven Kramer [ Dr. Stephen Deutsch ], Mario Machado [ Voice of Sportscaster ]

      rc: Stan

      Facing heart surgery, Dorothy's ex Stan confesses to his extramarital affairs -- and his need for a place to convalesce -- just as Blanche and Dorothy have discovered that the men they are dating are identical twins. Warning Stan that "You live alone and nobody likes you," Sophia invites him to stay with them to recuperate, and Dorothy reluctantly agrees -- until they discover the recovery time is three months.

      b: 10 Jan 87 pc: 041 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Terry Hughes
    14. "The Actor"
      gs: Lloyd Bochner [ Patrick Vaughn ], Janet Carroll [ Phyllis ], Frank Birney [ Stage Manager ]

      A local play offers a role opposite a famous TV actor; and when the girls vie for his attention, he romances them all on the sly. Meanwhile, Sophia secretly takes a job at Captain Jack's Seafood Shanty, and has a tough time explaining her new pirate outfit.

      b: 17 Jan 87 pc: 040 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    15. "Before and After"
      gs: Deborah May [ Liz ], Rosanna Huffman [ Stephanie ], Nat Bernstein [ Dr. Wallerstein ], Tony Pope [ Doorman ]

      Rose, convinced that she died during a throat spasm brought on by overwork, is determined to live her new life to the hilt, including leaving the roommates to live alone on the beach. Meanwhile, Sophia receives a letter from a friend whose cousin is hanging the wallpaper in Tony Bennett's guest bathroom.

      b: 24 Jan 87 pc: 032 w: Bob Rosenfarb d: Terry Hughes
    16. "And Then There Was One"
      gs: Christopher Burton [ Norman Henderson ], Ray Combs [ Bob Henderson ], Ariana Richards [ Lisa ], Scott Curtis [ Timmy ], Nat Bernstein [ Emily's Father ]

      Rose has secretly signed everyone up for a charity weekend: while Sophia participates in a walk-a-thon, Blanche and Dorothy must mind the children of the other participants. But when the event is over, no one arrives to claim baby Emily. Concluding that the infant has been abandoned, the girls inform the authorities but become increasingly attached to the new member of their household -- until Emily's frazzled father arrives, explaining that he was delayed at the hospital because his wife was giving birth to triplets.

      b: 31 Jan 87 pc: 042 w: Russell Marcus d: Terry Hughes
    17. "Bedtime Story"
      gs: Randy Bennett [ Stationmaster ], Charles Bouvier [ Clown ]

      A flashback episode: while debating how to accommodate visiting relatives, the roommates eat an Italian dinner cooked by Sophia and reminisce about places they've slept.

      b: 7 Feb 87 pc: 043 w: Kathy Speer, Terry Grossman, Mort Nathan, Barry Fanaro d: Terry Hughes
    18. "Forgive Me, Father"
      gs: John McMartin [ Father Frank Leahy ], Barney McGeary [ Father Callahan ], Charlies Erikson [ Tony ], Charles Summers [ Confessional Priest ]

      Dorothy is attracted to fellow teacher Frank, whom she's been working with on a Youth Opportunities Fair, but of course there's a catch: the latest man in Dorothy's life turns out to be a man of the cloth.

      b: 14 Feb 87 pc: 042 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Terry Hughes
    19. "Long Day's Journey into Marinara"
      gs: Joe Alfasa [ Tony ], Nancy Walker [ Angela ], Esther Larner [ Woman ]

      Sophia is up in arms after Dorothy invites Sophia's feisty sister to stay with them until she finds a place in Miami -- and accuses Angela of trying to steal her beau.

      b: 21 Feb 87 pc: 046 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    20. "Whose Face is This, Anyway?"
      gs: Joseph Whipp [ Dr. Taylor ]

      Dorothy is reluctant to appear in Rose's class video project for fear of looking "like Fess Parker in heels"; and Blanche arrives home from a class reunion in shock, since she was the only woman there who hadn't had facial surgery. But when she books herself for a facelift, she settles for dating the surgeon instead.

      b: 28 Feb 87 pc: 044 w: Winifred Hervey d: Terry Hughes
    21. "Dorothy's Prized Pupil"
      gs: Mario Lopez [ Mario ], John Braden [ Sam Burns ], Danny Goldman [ Man in Theatre ], Chip Olcott [ Burt Nesbitt ]

      Dorothy blames herself when her 13-year-old star pupil Mario wins a writing contest -- only to alert the INS that he's an illegal alien. Meanwhile, Rose is losing things: Julio Iglesias tickets, two sets of house keys and, most recently, Blanche's silver earrings, "fashioned from the Civil War bullets" that killed her great granddaddy. To make amends, she determined to become Blanche's personal slave.

      b: 14 Mar 87 pc: 033 w: Christopher Lloyd d: Terry Hughes
    22. "Diamond in the Rough"
      gs: Donnelly Rhodes [ Jake Smollett ], Vince Trankina [ Mr. Hinkley ], Mike Muscat [ Waiter ], Glenn Shadix [ Musician ], Howard Witt [ Hunter McCoy ]

      While helping Dorothy prepare for a hospital charity banquet, Blanche woos rugged caterer Jake, but her latest heartthrob doesn't quite meet her standards: he's more blue jeans than black tie. Meanwhile, Sophia is discovered to have forgotten to mail invitations to those whose names start with "K through L," and the all-female jazz band Rose hired turns out to be all male -- in drag.

      b: 21 Mar 87 pc: 047 w: Jan Fischer & William Widener d: Terry Hughes
    23. "Son-in-Law Dearest"
      gs: Deena Freeman [ Kate ], Jonathan Perpich [ Dennis ]

      rc: Stan

      Dorothy's daughter Kate learns her husband is cheating on her, so she arrives with the news that she has left him.

      b: 11 Apr 87 pc: 048 w: Harriett Weiss & Pat Shea d: Terry Hughes

      NOTE: Dorothy's daughter Kate was originally played by Lisa Jane Persky in Guess Who's Coming to the Wedding. The character does not appear again.
    24. "To Catch a Neighbor"
      gs: Barbara Tarbuck [ Martha McDowell ], Joseph Campanella [ Al ], George Clooney [ Bobby ]

      Two police detectives move in with the girls to stake out their new neighbors, the McDowells, who are suspected of dealing in stolen gems -- and both Dorothy and Rose find themselves attracted to one of the officers.

      b: 21 May 87 pc: 049 w: Russell Marcus d: Terry Hughes
    25. "A Piece of Cake"
      gs: Alan Blumenfeld [ Mr. Ha Ha ]

      rc: Young Dorothy, Salvadore

      As the ladies prepare the hors d'oeuvres for a surprise birthday for Roberta, an elderly friend of Sophia's, they take a walk down memory lane, reminiscing about their favorite birthdays. Dorothy remembers the surprise party Rose threw for her at "Mr. Ha Ha's Hot Dog Hacienda." Sophia recalls a milestone birthday: her fiftieth, when she was fighting with her husband Salvadore. Rose tells of her first birthday alone, after her husband died, when she decided to leave St. Olaf for Miami. And Blanche tells of the time when the ladies had just moved in together and threw her a surprise party, not knowing how much she hated them. It was that party that changed Blanche's mind about being surprised, because they invited all the men in her little black book! As we return to the present day, Blanche says, "That's the best, when you're really surprised." With this, the ladies yell, "Surprise!" The story about Roberta's party was just a cover so they could really surprise Blanche. A conga line of men dances in from the lanai, and we can only assume that another memory is just beginning...

      b: 9 May 87 pc: 050 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman and Mort Nathan & Barry Fanaro d: Terry Hughes
    26. "Empty Nests"
      gs: Rita Moreno [ Renee Corliss ], Paul Dooley [ George Corliss ], Geoffrey Lewis [ Chuck ], David Leisure [ Oliver ], Jane Harnick [ Jenny Corliss ]

      Friend Renee is down because the kids are gone and her husband is busy with his medical practice. Her friends next door persuade her to tell her husband how lonely she feels, but Renee finds that George is either on the phone with patients or dealing with his brother Chuck's three multiple personalities. Only when daughter Jenny comes home to visit does George realize what Renee has been trying to tell him.

      b: 16 May 87 pc: 051 w: Susan Harris d: Jay Sandrich

      NOTE: This is the pilot episode for Empty Nest. When the series actually premiered in the fall of 1988, only David Leisure remained with the cast, though his character did change.

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    The Golden Girls (3rd Season Episode Guide)

    3rd Season 1987

      Production credits:
      Co-executive producers: Kathy Speer, Terry Grossman
      Supervising producers: Mort Nathan, Barry Fanaro
      Produced by: Winifred Hervey Stallworth
      Co-produced by: Marsha Posner Williams, Jeffrey Ferro, Fredric Weiss
      Created by: Susan Harris
      Executive producers: Paul Junger Witt, Tony Thomas, Susan Harris
      Executive story consultants: Robert Bruce, Martin Weiss
      Executive script consultant/story editor: Christopher Lloyd
      Executive story editor: Jeff Abugov
      Associate directors: Michael Riolo, Lex Passaris, Harold McKenzie


    1. "Old Friends"
      gs: Joe Senaca [ Alvin ], Jenny Lewis [ Daisy ]

      Sitting on the boardwalk watching "old men rearrange themselves when they come out of the water," Sophia shares her veal and pepper sandwich with Alvin Newcastle and makes a new friend. Then Dorothy learns from the man's daughter that he is suffering from Alzheimer's. Meanwhile, Rose loses an old friend when Blanche mistakenly gives away her treasured teddy bear to sweet little Daisy -- who holds the toy for ransom.

      b: 19 Sep 87 pc: 055 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Terry Hughes
    2. "One For the Money"
      gs: Roy Stuart [ Marty ], Ed Balin [ Russell ], Ed Kerrigan [ Dave ], Starr Andreeff [ Priscilla ], Conrad Janis [ Announcer ]

      rc: Young Dorothy, Salvadore

      Recalling various schemes they have dreamed up to earn money, the women flash back to the time they started a wedding consultant/caterer business, only to have their first couple elope; Dorothy and Sophia remember trying to raise money for their purchase of the family's first television in 1954; and Dorothy, Rose and Blanche recall competing in a charity marathon dance. When they return to the present, Sophia has yet another get rich quick scheme....

      b: 26 Sep 87 pc: 057 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman and Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    3. "Bringing Up Baby"
      gs: Parley Baer [ Chester ], Tom McGreevey [ Veterinarian ], Arnie the Pig [ Baby ]

      Rose inherits her late uncle's estate provided she agrees to care for "Baby," who turns out to be a prize pig. No one is thrilled until they discover they will get a hundred thousand dollars for nursing Baby until his death -- and the pig is already 29. Meanwhile, Sophia has lost her glasses, and thinks the new arrival is the cutest baby she's ever seen....

      b: 3 Oct 87 pc: 052 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    4. "The Housekeeper"
      gs: Paula Kelly [ Marguerite ], Deborah Rose [ Midge ]

      Marguerite, the roommates' new housekeeper, has strange charms, literally: a rock which seems to cure Dorothy's insomnia, and a potion which seems to attract a new boyfriend for Blanche. Trouble is, her magic seems to desert her when it comes to cleaning house, and they are forced to fire her -- whereupon the household quickly appears cursed: their kitchen sink explodes, all their cars have trouble, and a man dressed as a crow thinks their lanai is the Rose Bowl. It's time for Sophia the ghost buster!

      b: 10 Oct 87 pc: 058 w: Winifred Hervey-Stallworth d: Terry Hughes
    5. "Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself"
      gs: Meg Wyllie [ Stewardess ]

      Dorothy and Blanche must accompany a fearful Rose to her Aunt Gretchen's funeral, where Rose must deliver the eulogy despite that inconvenient fact that she loathed Aunt Gretchen. Meanwhile, Dorothy must conquer her own fear (of flying), and Sophia battles to win the Daughters of Italy cooking contest.

      b: 24 Oct 87 pc: 056 w: Christopher Lloyd d: Terry Hughes
    6. "Letter to Gorbachev"
      gs: Allan Rich [ Alexi ], Jaclyn Bernstein [ Linda ], Edwin Newman [ Himself ], Cynthia Marie King [ Nancy ]

      Worried about the threat of nuclear war when her Sunshine Cadette troop start drawing pictures entitled "Nuclear Bomb: The Day After" during arts and crafts,, Rose pens a letter to President Reagan and Soviet Premier Gorbachev -- and receives an unexpected invitation to Moscow. But at the press conference she discovers a snag: the Russians believe her to be one of the 9-year-old Cadettes. Meanwhile, Sophia rehearses different "acts" for the senior talent show.

      b: 31 Oct 87 pc: 060 w: Barry Fanaro and Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    7. "Strange Bedfellows"
      gs: John Schuck [ Gil Kessler ], Darwyn Carson [ Reporter #1 ], David Westgor [ Reporter #2 ], Sarah Partridge [ Secretary ]

      Front-page exposé: a photo of Blanche entering the home of local politician Gil Kessler while his wife is away. She was only trying to return a folder forgotten at a campaign party the roommates hosted, but no one will believe her, especially Sophia, who suspects something sneaky about Kessler. Finally the candidate ruins his chances for election by declaring Blanche's innocence -- and revealing his own long-ago sex-change operation.

      b: 7 Nov 87 pc: 054 w: Christopher Lloyd d: Terry Hughes
    8. "Brotherly Love"
      gs: McLean Stevenson [ Ted Zbornak ], Brad Trumbull [ Maitre d' ]

      rc: Stan

      Blanche makes a move on Ted, the younger brother of Dorothy's ex Stan, the minute she learns he's a wealthy neurosurgeon. But it turns out he is a bit too much like his brother for anyone's liking....

      b: 14 Nov 87 pc: 061 w: Fredric Weiss and Jeffrey Ferro d: Terry Hughes
    9. "A Visit From Little Sven"
      gs: Casey Sander [ Sven ], Yvette Heyden [ Olga ], Chuck Walling [ Floyd McCallum ]

      Sophia decides to get her driving license renewed, despite Dorothy's qualms; and a visit from Rose's naive cousin Sven presents Blanche with a perfect opportunity to make her evasive boyfriend Floyd jealous.

      b: 21 Nov 87 pc: 059 w: David Nichols d: Terry Hughes
    10. "The Audit"
      gs: Richard Penn [ Mr. Murray ], Tony Perez [ Mr. Escobar ]

      rc: Stan

      Dorothy discovers that Stan's tax troubles are also her own, since Stan is being audited for several years when they were still married; Rose and Blanche study Spanish with very different motives.

      b: 28 Nov 87 pc: 053 w: Winifred Hervey d: Terry Hughes
    11. "Three on a Couch"
      gs: Philip Sterling [ Dr. Ashley ], Terry Wills [ Carl ], John Moskoff [ Jerry ]

      Constant squabbling convinces the housemates to consult a therapist, who after reviewing their five years together declares them absolutely incompatible with each other. Dorothy remembers when Blanche wouldn't let her out of a double date even though Dorothy had a temperature of 104 degrees; Sophia tells about the time Rose placed Dorothy's ad soliciting employment in the personals section of the paper by mistake; Blanche and Rose complain about Dorothy's unwillingness to let them be less than perfect, and recall an evening when they were scared while she was trying to study; Sophia explains that she is the "glue that holds these women together" and recounts the night she told them all the story of the salami swimming upstream to help solve their problems.

      b: 5 Dec 87 pc: 064 w: Jeffrey Ferro and Fredric Weiss d: Terry Hughes
    12. "Charlie's Buddy"
      gs: Milo O'Shea [ Buddy Roarke ]

      A close wartime buddy of Rose's late husband Charlie drops by, and soon makes clear that he has more on his mind than just a friendly visit: he asks Rose to marry him and move to Boston. But a suspicious Dorothy discovers that he a con man after Rose's money. Meanwhile, it's a comedy of errors when Dorothy finally selects a new dress for a museum fundraiser only to discover it is identical to Blanche's new outfit, and the two fight over who will return whose dress.

      b: 12 Dec 87 pc: 062 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Terry Hughes
    13. "The Artist"
      gs: Tony Jay [ Laszlo ], Monte Landis [ Victor ], Adam Small [ Guard ]

      Dorothy, Blanche and Rose all agree to pose for Hungarian sculptor Laszlo, then compete to be his final model. Meanwhile, determined to revenge herself on a practical joker at the seniors' center, Sophia rehearses her schemes on Dorothy.

      b: 19 Dec 87 pc: 065 w: Christopher Lloyd d: Terry Hughes
    14. "Blanche's Little Girl"
      gs: Shawn Schepps [ Rebecca ], Joe Regalbuto [ Jeremy ], Scott Menville [ McCracken ], Meg Wyllie [ Edna ]

      Blanche hasn't seen her daughter Rebecca for four years, when she moved to Paris to become a model, so she's a little surprised when Rebecca shows up having gained a ton -- and an obnoxious boyfriend. Meanwhile, Sophia and two other older ladies invite their 16-year-old "shark" of a manager at Pecos Pete's Chow Wagon over to the house for some serious labor negotiations.

      b: 9 Jan 88 pc: 067 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Terry Hughes
    15. "Dorothy's New Friend"
      gs: Bonnie Bartlett [ Barbara Thorndyke ], Brad Trumbeull [ Maitre d' ], Monty Ash [ Murray ]

      After meeting author Barbara Thorndyke at a reading, Dorothy thinks she's found an intellectual soul mate but must cope with her housemates' jealousy - and the discovery that her new acquaintance isn't exactly perfect. Meanwhile, Sophia is trying every tip she can get to land Murray Guttman, a desirable old man at the senior center.

      b: 16 Jan 88 pc: 066 w: Robert Bruce & Martis Weiss d: Terry Hughes
    16. "Grab that Dough"
      gs: Jim MacKrell [ Guy Corbin ], Lucy Lee Flippin [ Nancy ], Kelly Andrus [ Tiffany ], Charles Green [ Willard ], Craig Schaefer [ Stage Manager ], Ken Smolka [ Policeman ]

      Flying to Los Angeles to appear on their favorite game show "Grab That Dough," the housemates lose their luggage, discover their hotel has no record of their reservations and, while sleeping in the lobby, are mugged.

      b: 23 Jan 88 pc: 063 w: Winifred Hervey-Stallworth d: Terry Hughes
    17. "My Brother My Father"
      rc: Stan, Uncle Angelo

      Dorothy's uncle Angelo, a Sicilian priest, is due to visit, and it turns out he believes it to be Dorothy and Stan's 40th wedding anniversary -- and Sophia is determined that her brother won't find out Dorothy is divorced. The charade deepens when a hurricane hits and Blanche and Rose arrive home from a rehearsal of The Sound of Music in their nun costumes....

      b: 6 Feb 88 pc: 068 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    18. "Golden Moments (1)"

      When Sophia announces she wants to live with her son Phil to help raise his children, the ladies look back at events of the last three years together.

      b: 13 Feb 88 pc: 069 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan s: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Terry Hughes
    19. "Golden Moments (2)"

      More flashbacks. And of course Sophia doesn't move after all.

      b: 13 Feb 88 pc: 069 w: Winifred Hervey-Stallworth s: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Terry Hughes
    20. "And Ma Makes Three"
      gs: James Karen [ Raymond ], Marte Boyle Slout [ Charlotte ], Frank Smith [ Duncan ], Steven M. Porter [ Waiter ]

      Dorothy and her boyfriend Raymond can't get a moment alone when Sophia gives new meaning to the term "three's a crowd" -- even when a desperate Raymond asks Dorothy to accompany him to the Bahamas. Meanwhile, Blanche is running Rose ragged as her campaign manager for fashion show chairman of their club, the Tinkerbelles, so Rose decides to run for chairman herself. In the end, both of them lose the election to a woman whose husband will give the Tinkerbelles "two-cheeks-for-the-price-of-one" plastic surgery.

      b: 20 Feb 88 pc: 071 w: Winifred Hervey Stallworth d: Terry Hughes
    21. "Larceny and Old Lace"
      gs: Mickey Rooney [ Rocco ]

      Dorothy becomes convinced that Sophia's new boyfriend Rocco is a gangster; Rocco charms Sophia into driving him to the bank, where he makes a speedy and substantial withdrawal; Blanche reads Rose's diary and becomes upset over uncomplimentary passages about living with "two pigs."

      b: 27 Feb 88 pc: 072 w: Robert Bruce & Martin Weiss s: Jeffrey Ferro & Martin Weiss d: Terry Hughes
    22. "Rose's Big Adventure"
      gs: George Coe [ Al ], Vito Scotti [ Vincenzo ], Don Woodard [ Ernie ]

      Rose tries to instill some life into her recently retired friend Al, who has barely stirred from his couch for months; meanwhile, a garage-remodeling project goes nowhere fast, especially when Sophia hires a replacement contractor who speaks only Italian -- and is about 90 years old.

      b: 12 Mar 88 pc: 075 w: Jeff Abugov d: Terry Hughes
    23. "Mixed Blessing"
      gs: Scott Jacoby [ Michael Zbornak ], Rosalind Cash [ Lorraine ], Virginia Capers [ Greta ], Lynn Hamilton [ Trudy ], Montrose Hagins [ Libby ], Hartley Silver [ Justice of the Peace ]

      Dorothy's son Michael announces he is getting married. Dorothy can cope with the news that the bride is black, but she has trouble accepting that she is also twice Michael's age. Meanwhile, Blanche and Rose are giving themselves a total makeover to be ready to go on a cruise to the Bahamas, and when they give themselves a mud pack treatment and walk in on Dorothy meeting Lorraine's family, everyone gets more than a little confused.

      b: 19 Mar 88 pc: 073 w: Christopher Lloyd d: Terry Hughes
    24. "Mister Terrific"
      gs: Bob Dishy [ Mr. Terrific ], Lonny Price [ Hastings ], Don Woodard [ Kolak ], John Wheeler [ Patron ], Jim Hudson [ Freddy ], Raf Mauo [ Bartender ], Jody Price [ Jody ], Ron Kapra [ Stage Manager ]

      Kiddie-show host Mr. Terrific gets Dorothy a summer job as show adviser -- and then gets the ax thanks to following her advice. Meanwhile, Blanche copes with a moral dilemma when her newly purchases bed arrives and proves to be a much more expensive model than the one she paid for.

      b: 30 Apr 88 pc: 074 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Terry Hughes
    25. "Mother's Day"
      gs: Helen Kleeb [ Margaret ], Alice Ghostley [ Mrs. Zbornak ], Wesley Mann [ Jacob ], Geraldine Fitzgerald [ Anna ], Terrence Evans [ Sheriff ]

      rc: Young Dorothy, Stan, Salvadore

      Tales from Mother's Days past: Blanche visits her mother; Rose spends hours in a bus depot with a traveling mother; in a flashback to 1957, Sophia and Salvadore try to persuade Sophia's mother to move in with them.

      b: 7 May 88 pc: 076 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan s: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Terry Hughes

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    The Golden Girls (4th Season Episode Guide)

    4th Season 1988

      Production credits:
      Co-executive producers: Kathy Speer, Terry Grossman, Mort Nathan, Barry Fanaro
      Supervising producer: Eric Cohen
      Created by: Susan Harris
      Executive producers: Paul Junger Witt, Tony Thomas
      Co-produced by: Martin Weiss, Robert Bruce
      Executive script consultant: Christopher Lloyd
      Executive story editors: Richard Vaczy, Tracy Gamble
      Associate producer: David Amico
      Associate directors: Lex Passaris, Peter D. Beyt


    1. "Yes, We Have No Havanas"
      gs: Henry Darrow [ Fidel Santiago ], Magda Harout [ Woman ], Ralph Ahn [ Jim Shu ], John Achorn [ Priest ]

      Blanche and Sophia fall for the same man, smooth-talking Cuban Fidel Santiago, while Rose struggles to pass her high-school equivalency exam with Dorothy as her reluctant tutor.

      b: 8 Oct 88 pc: 078 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    2. "The Days and Nights of Sophia Petrillo"
      gs: Frances Bay [ Claire ], Nick DeMauro [ Clerk ], David Selburg [ Store Manager ], Allen Bloomfield [ Abe ], Ellen Albertini Dow [ Mrs. Leonard ], Darlene Kardon [ Woman ], Marian Wells [ Wanda ], Peggy Gilbert [ Esther ], The Dixie Belles [ The Band ], Don "Kokko" Burnaby [ Sam ]

      A study in contrast: a busy day for Sophia and a make-busy day for Blanche, Rose and Dorothy. Sophia announces that she is off to market for a nectarine: "at eighty-two that's life,a round trip on the number six bus to buy a nectarine."

      b: 22 Oct 88 pc: 077 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Terry Hughes
    3. "The One That Got Away"
      gs: John Harkins [ Ham Lushbough ], Tom Dahlgren [ Major Barker ], Nick Toth [ Waiter ]

      Blanche meets a very special old schoolmate: the only man ever to have turned her down, Ham Lushbough, "the most gorgeous, most charming, most sexy, most intelligent man on the face of this planet." When Ham calls to say he's in Miami on business, Blanche sets out to finally conquer him, claiming that her"record's going to be intact again" after this Saturday's date. Her dreams of "sexual conquest" turn into a nightmare when Ham shows up - overweight and bald. Meanwhile, Rose is convinced that the blazing light in the sky that she and Dorothy recently saw was a UFO. Dorothy refuses to entertain such a goofy notion until a Major Barker from the military base shows up and announces that the sighting was indeed a UFO. The girls aren't to say a word about it to anyone. Blanche returns from her date with Ham, absolutely "devastated." She never had any intention of actually sleeping with him, but to be turned down -- again! -- by a man who's both "fat and bald" is more than she can stand! Now she is determined to hear Ham beg for her favors no matter how much seducing it takes. Only after a 30 year-old misunderstanding is cleared up does Blanche realize that Ham simply doesn't want to relive that one horrible night at Grady's Motor Lodge that he's spent with Blanche in high school. "Ham, that wasn't me," Blanche tells him. "That was my sister, Virginia." Blanche's ego is intact again. Rose is disappointed to hear that the UFO she was so eager to flag down was actually a secret military jet. But Dorothy's pragmatic view of life won't deter Rose, who spots another flare of light in the sky and smiles, knowing that someday benevolent aliens will contact Earth.

      b: 29 Oct 88 pc: 080 w: Christopher Lloyd d: Terry Hughes
    4. "Yokel Hero"
      gs: Jim Doughan [ Ben ], Doug Cox [ Sven ], John Moody [ Len ], James Lashley [ Driver ], Valente Rodriguez [ Fred ], Bridget Sienna [ Voice of Ingrid ]

      rc: Dr. Harry Weston

      On what must be the hottest day of the year, Rose receives incredible news: she has been nominated for the St. Olaf Woman of the Year award. But her elation quickly turns to depression when she concludes that her "top accomplishments aren't worth a damn." With Rose's ago about to crumble, Dorothy and Blanche decide to help by "embellishing" Rose's resume. Their embellishments do the trick, and with the heat wave still in full swing and the air conditioner still in full disrepair, Rose finds herself visited by the St. Olaf Woman of the Year Blue Ribbon Panel: Ben, Sven, and Len Toppelkoffer. Although Rose can't quite recall some of the grand accomplishments that the triplets praise her for, she is thrilled to find herself proclaimed winner of the award. The girls set out on a trip to St. Olaf, which turns into a nightmare for Blanche, Dorothy and Sophia, who discover that first class travel St. Olaf-style amounts to rickety planes, hay wagon shuttle service and lost luggage. Rose brings the trip to a complete stop when Blanche and Dorothy, moved by guilt, finally confess that they tampered with her resume. The girls return home, and Rose, robbed of her moment of glory, refuses to speak to Blanche and Dorothy. But when Dr. Harry Weston drops by to deliver the mail that piled up during their trip, what should Rose find in the pile but the St. Olaf Woman of the Year trophy (chocolate). Rose's unflinching honesty won her the award after all.

      b: 5 Nov 88 pc: 081 w: Martin Weiss & Robert Bruce d: Terry Hughes

      NOTE: Guest Richard Mulligan crosses over in his character from Empty Nest.
    5. "Bang the Drum, Stanley"
      gs: William Denis [ Dr. Cauley ], Ben Rawnsley [ Dr. Jerry ], Matthew Brooks [ Timmy ], Helen Duffy [ Woman in Wheelchair ], Todd Morris [ TV Announcer ]

      rc: Stan

      Stan tries to hit Dorothy and Sophia up for a loan by taking them to a ballgame; and when Sophia takes a fly ball on the head, he sees big insurance bucks. Meanwhile, Blanche and Rose are busy preparing for their roles in a community theater production of Cats, and Sophia is at her wits' end trying to keep them and their Method acting out of her milk, out of her knitting, and out of her life. Things take a turn when Stan, still desperate for money, sees a potential gold mine in Sophia's accident. If Sophia pretends to be severely injured, they can sue the ballpark for hundreds of thousands of dollars. Sophia can hardly keep her ethics in balance in the face of Stan's greed, and she gives in to the plan. It's up to Dorothy to prove that her own mother is faking paralysis. With the help of the local community theater cast of Cats, she succeeds.

      b: 12 Nov 88 pc: 079 w: Robert Bruce & Martin Weiss d: Terry Hughes
    6. "Sophia's Wedding (1)"
      gs: Jack Gilford [ Max ], Fritzi Burr [ Esther ], Raye Birk [ Caterer ], Harvey J. Goldenberg [ Preacher ], Roland August, Richard Bernard, Scott Gale, Blake Gibbons, Tally Lauriti, Rick LeFever, Samuel Lloyd, Jay Pennick, Eddie Powers [ Wedding Guests ], Quentin Tarantino [ Elvis Impersonator ]

      rc: Salvadore

      When Sophia's old friend Esther Weinstock passes away, Sophia refuses to attend the funeral: "I will not stand under the same roof with that miserable bagiagaloop..." That "miserable bagiagaloop" is Max, Esther's husband, the man who started a successful pizza-knish business with Salvadore, Sophia's deceased husband, 40 years earlier. Max is also the man who gambled away their profits, thus ruining the business long ago. Only by offering to pay for both her and Sophia's tickets to Brooklyn does Dorothy finally convince Sophia to attend the funeral. Once there, Sophia attacks Max at every opportunity. Finally, Max decides to clear the air about the demise of the business: it wasn't him, but Salvadore, who gambled the profits away. Sophia views Max in a new light. The two of them fall in love and decide to get married. Meanwhile, Rose has gained permission to start an unauthorized chapter of the Elvis Presley Hunk-a Hunk-a Burning Love Fan Club. After the first meeting, at which members ooh and ahh over a "genuine Elvis artifact: (a half-eaten pork chop in a plexiglass cube), Blanche decides that what that really need is an Elvis impersonator. Dorothy cannot accept that her mother wants to marry a man she's hated for 40 years, especially only after a three-day weekend. The day of the wedding finds Sophia locked in the bathroom, wondering if Dorothy might not be right. But when Dorothy confesses that it was only her memories of "Pop" that made her acceptance of Max so difficult, Sophia emerges and the wedding proceeds. There's just one hitch, thanks to Rose all the wedding guests are Elvis impersonators!

      b: 19 Nov 88 pc: 082 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    7. "Sophia's Wedding (2)"
      gs: Jack Gilford [ Max ], William E. Green [ Sax Player ], Don Maxwell [ Fire Chief ]

      Sophia's married life proves too much for Dorothy, who starts smoking again in an attempt to cope with her mother's recent marriage to Max Weinstock. Stress levels rise more when the happy newlyweds realize they planned everything for their new life together - except they "forgot to get a new place." Instead of buying that new place, however, Sophia and Max invest their money in a beachfront concession stand. "We're opening the old business again," announces Sophia. "A million-dollar idea deserves a second chance." And the stand almost opens -- until Max and Sophia both catch terrible colds. Opening day finds Dorothy, Rose and Blanche behind the counter selling pizzas and knishes. With the help of beachfront advertising a la Sophia ("Shark! Shark!"), plenty of customers discover the new stand, and the business is a hit. That night, however, Sophia and Max's "dream" goes up in smoke -- literally -- and Dorothy fears that it was her unattended cigarette that caused the fire. Only after it is discovered that a faulty coil in the pizza oven caused the blaze do Max and Sophia realize that their relationship is like the lost pizza-knish stand: something that should not have been. They both admit they were reaching for the past by reaching for each other, and so part as good friends.

      b: 26 Nov 88 pc: 083 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    8. "Brother, Can You Spare That Jacket?"
      gs: Andre "Rosey" Brown [ Bodyguard ], Howard Goodwin [ Auctioneer ], Matthew Faison [ Peter Campbell ], Teddy Wilson [ Ben ], Herta Ware [ Ida ], Karl Wiedergott [ Kenny ], Matthew Faison [ Father Campbell ], Art Koustik [ Dave ], Stan Wojno [ Philip Starr ]

      A frantic chase ensues after Sophia gives away Blanche's new aviator jacket -- with a $10,000 lottery ticket in it -- believing its stylishly shabby look to mean that it's just a "crummy old jacket." The girls hightail it to the thrift store just in time to see the jacket sold to an imposing individual who just happens to be a bodyguard for Michael Jackson. The girls watch as their jacket, and their winning lottery ticket, disappear in Jackson's limo. But the search isn't over yet. The jacket, worn by Jackson during a concert, is then donated to a celebrity auction to benefit the homeless. The girls rush to the auction, only to be outbid by a politician who purchases the jacket at an exorbitant amount in an effort to show his concern for the homeless. The politician then has the jacket transported to the Mission Street Shelter, to "provide warmth and comfort for one of our city's homeless." The girls spend the night at the shelter, determined to find the jacket and retrieve their ticket. But after spending some time with the people who call the shelter home, their priorities suddenly seem skewed. They locate the jacket, but they leave the winning lottery ticket with the shelter's administrator the next morning.

      b: 3 Dec 88 pc: 084 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Terry Hughes
    9. "Scared Straight"
      gs: Monte Markham [ Clayton ], Gwen E. Davis [ Mildred ], Nancy Priddy [ Lois ], Steve Porter [ Waiter ]

      When Blanche's baby brother Clayton Hollingsworth comes to Miami for a visit, the ladies find themselves face-to-face with a male counterpoint to Blanche herself: charming, good-looking and on the prowl. The problem is, Clayton isn't prowling for what Blanche thinks he's prowling for. After an uncomfortable blind date arranged by Blanche, Clayton confesses to Rose that he is gay. He wants to tell his big sister the truth, but he is afraid to. With Rose's encouragement, Clayton tries again, but he turns chicken and instead blurts out that he and Rose "slept together tonight." Sophia, meanwhile, is convinced that, "I'm dying, Dorothy. Saturday, nine o'clock. Don't make any plans." She has had a "death dream" twice now, in which her beloved deceased husband, Sal, tells her that "there's room" for her now. She is determined to settle her estate, with or without Dorothy's help, before her Saturday deadline. Blanche cannot tolerate the thought of her baby brother seriously dating Rose, and she harasses Rose until Clayton finally confronts Blanche with his hidden truth. Blanche refuses to believe it: "I know you too well for this. You're my brother." But Clayton is adamant. Though it is a struggle, Blanche finally learns to accept Clayton as he is, and she apologizes to Rose. And Sophia? Sophia discovers that the voice in her "death dream" was really the voice of Mildred, her bowling partner, who had called to her through the window one night that, "There's room for you now." So what else is there to do on a Saturday night? Sophia leaves: "Hasta luego, Dorothy. I'm going bowling."

      b: 10 Dec 88 pc: 086 w: Christopher Lloyd d: Terry Hughes
    10. "Stan Takes a Wife"
      gs: Elinor Donahue [ Katherine ], Tom Tarpey [ Dr. Seymour ]

      rc: Stan

      Stanley's "about to do it for the third time" -- get married, that is. He invites the ladies to the wedding, only to be told that the ring he bought his intended, Katherine, is pathetically small. Apparently even love can't cure a cheap streak in a man's wallet. But when Sophia ends up in the hospital with advanced pneumonia, the better side of Stan rises to the surface. He insists on staying with Dorothy all night in the hospital waiting room. Come sunrise, Dorothy has a startling revelation: she still loves Stan. She can't let him marry Katherine. Rose and Blanche are appalled. "What is suddenly so great about Stan?" they ask. When Dorothy explains how "masterful" and "commanding" Stan was at the hospital, yet how "sensitive" and "vulnerable" he was, they recognize that Dorothy feels extreme gratitude, perhaps even admiration, for Stan's unusually chivalrous behavior; but not love. The day of the wedding finds Dorothy trying to win Stan back. But Blanche and Rose ruin her attempts. Thanks to their intervention, Dorothy happens to meet Katherine before the ceremony. Once she learns how much Katherine loves Stan and how much he loves her, Dorothy comes to her senses, helps Katherine through a case of pre-wedding cold feet and walks out with the bride to attend the ceremony.

      b: 7 Jan 89 pc: 087 w: Winifred Hervey Stallworth d: Terry Hughes
    11. "The Auction"
      gs: Michael McManus [ Sid ], Tony Steedman [ Jasper DeKimmel ], Colin Hamilton [ Auctioneer ]

      Based on Sophia's inside information that a famous artist in on death's doorstep, the ladies plan to spend their all on one of his paintings, and cash in when he checks out. If Miami rain actually came down in cats and dogs, the girls would be neck-deep in fur - the roof is leaking, and they don't have the money to fix it. They don't even have a couple of hundred to get a "patch job." But fate has odd ways of presenting solutions. While attending a posh art exhibit, the girls meet Mr. Jasper DeKimmel, a renowned modern artist with no social grace whatsoever. Some of DeKimmel's work featured at the exhibit is scheduled to be auctioned off, and when Sophia learns that DeKimmel has just been admitted to the hospital ("In a day or two, he'll be plant food"), Blanche formulates a plan to get money for a new roof: buy an original DeKimmel at the auction, then resell it for more money after DeKimmel dies. The plan is a little bloodthirsty, however, and the girls suffer a bout of guilt before Sophia convinces them it's not their fault if the man is dying for want of a "rare blood transfusion." So they attend the auction and obtain their painting while Sophia monitors DeKimmel's status at the hospital. There's just one small problem in the end - DeKimmel isn't going to die now. Sophia tells them, "They found a donor with that rare blood type he needed." Sophia herself! The girls are devastated to be stuck with an ugly painting that cost them a small fortune. But Fate intervenes again - their roof repairman, also an art collector, purchases the "repulsive trash" from them in return for a new roof and cash to boot!

      b: 14 Jan 89 pc: 085 w: Eric Cohen d: Terry Hughes
    12. "Blind Date"
      gs: Kristopher Kent Hill [ Billy ], Alan Koss [ Ernie ], Ed Winters [ John ], Lesley Glassford [ Elaine ], Paul Tennen [ Freddy ]

      Blanche's "dating slump" has led her to date "a shallow, insensitive snob" who both Dorothy and Rose think is beneath her. When Blanche is stood up for the fourth time by this fellow, she ends up meeting the man of her dreams there in the mar. Blanche leaves her phone number on a napkin for him, but what she doesn't realize is that John Quinn is blind. Meanwhile, Rose is coaching a local tiny tot football team, and the job is exhausting. She enlists Dorothy as her assistant, but then Dorothy must cope with Rose's feisty competitive streak, which borders on cheating when Rose tries to make their star player, Billy, make legal weight with the help of an under-the-jersey encyclopedia. Blanche calls it off with John Quinn. At first, Rose and Dorothy are annoyed that Blanche would allow a handicap like blindness to end the best relationship she's had in five years. But Blanche explains, "He took away the one thing I've always been secure about. My looks." Blanche depends on looks so much to attract men that John makes her nervous and confused. Rose and Dorothy convince her that she should tell John how she feels and save the relationship. On the day of the big game, Rose and Dorothy catch the flu and can't coach. Of all people, Sophia comes to the rescue and leads the team to victory and ice cream, teaching Billy a lesson about "being small" along the way. And Blanche patches things up with John and discovers that she has more going for her than perky bosoms and good legs. John Quinn, she discovers, isn't so blind after all.

      b: 28 Jan 89 pc: 089 w: Christopher Lloyd d: Terry Hughes
    13. "The Impotence of Being Ernest"
      gs: Richard Herd [ Ernie Faber ]

      Blanche is incredulous one Saturday night when Rose has a date and she doesn't. Worse yet, he's "absolutely perfect" - a handsome, middle-aged corporate attorney, not a "geek." Blanche watches, incensed, as Rose and Ernie Faber happily exit. While Blanche is busy with her jealously, Sophia is busy with a mysterious black feather she's received in the mail from Cousin Vito in Sicily. Dorothy knows the feather means something ("Everything from Sicily means something") but Sophia refuses to explain. Instead, she becomes very jumpy and begins to get phone calls from fellows like "Tony The Hook." Rose has fallen in love with Ernie, and they go away for a quiet weekend together. But instead of the romance that Rose yearns for, Ernie confesses to her that he's impotent. And back home, Sophia confesses that the feather means she is duty-bound as a Sicilian to carry on an old family vendetta and "take care of" Sonny Venuchio, who is currently in Miami. Rose's patience and understanding of Ernie's "problem" actually solves it for him, and after one night of bliss together, Ernie tells Rose that he wants to "patch things up" with his ex-wife, now that he's overcome his "problem." Rose is devastated, but she wishes him well. The romance is over. But for Sophia, it has just begun. Let vendettas be vendettas! Sonny Venuchio is a cute old man, and the two of them hit it off.

      b: 4 Feb 89 pc: 090 w: Rick Copp & David A. Goodman s: Kevin Abbott d: Steve Zuckerman
    14. "Love Me Tender"
      gs: John Fiedler [ Eddie ], Shan S. Washington [ Marla ], Stefanie Ridel [ Jackie ], Tom Simmons [ Security Guard ]

      The flames of passion burn when Dorothy goes out on a blind date. Little does Sophia know that Eddie, the man she found for Dorothy via a dating service (twenty dollars, one picture, their computer" and boom - you've got a social life"), is a balding Casanova. Dorothy can hardly see enough of him, and all they really have in common is, as Dorothy puts it, "under the sheets." Meanwhile, Rose has arranged to participate in the Be-A-Pal Program with Blanche. They'll each take on a motherless child and "be her pal" once a week. Little Marla and Jackie are anything but charming youngsters, however. After a shopping trip, the girls cleverly unload stolen merchandise on Rose and Blanche, and the store's security guard is happy to turn the ladies over to the police. Sophia makes Dorothy admit that her relationship with Eddie is one-dimensional. Reluctantly, Dorothy prepares to break up with him, despite his odd sexual hold on her. But first, Blanche and Rose must coerce their little pals into confessing to shoplifting. While Rose tries to threaten them with "cookies and milk," Blanche speaks to their greed in the form of a three-hundred check. What the little thieves don't know is that Blanche cleverly wrote the check on a closed account! In the end, Dorothy finds that Eddie is a cursed Casanova, a reluctant lady killer, a man cursed by hyper-seductive pheromones. She just can't let him go. But Eddie takes his leave, realizing that Dorothy is too much of a woman to settle for "nights filled only with unbridled ecstasy."

      b: 6 Feb 89 pc: 088 w: Richard Vaczy & Tracy Gamble d: Terry Hughes
    15. "Valentine's Day"
      gs: Michael J. London [ Edgar ], Julio Iglesias [ Himself ], Pat McCormick [ Drugstore Clerk ], Tom Isbell [ Young Man ], Wayne C. Dvorak [ Maitre d' ], Michael Blue [ Porter ], Peter Elbling [ Desk Clerk ], Michael J. London [ Edgar ], Joe Faust [ Raymond ], John Rice [ Steve ], John Harnagel [ Mechanic ], Julian Deyer [ Waiter ]

      rc: Papa Angelo, Salvadore

      A dateless Feb. 14 prompts memories of Valentine's Days past, including Sophia's in a Chicago garage in 1929 (it was a killer!. But while the others sit home reminiscing about better Valentine's Days, Sophia announces she has a date -- with Julio Iglesias!

      b: 11 Feb 89 pc: 101 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman, Barry Fanaro and Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    16. "Two Rode Together"
      gs: Freddie Jackson [ Sam ]

      Sophia's friends are passing away one by one. As much as this disturbs Sophia, it disturbs Dorothy even more, who fears that her time with Sophia may be shorter than she thinks. To cheer her up, Rose tells Dorothy a fable about Toonder the Mediocre Tiger in the land of Flafluevenhaven. The fable spurs Dorothy to make a decision - just as Toonder discovers the importance of sharing "quality time" with loved ones, Dorothy decides to take Sophia away for the weekend to spend quality time with her. Blanche opts to go to Disney World. Once they're off, Blanche and Rose decide to become partners and write a children's book of the adventures of Toonder and his friends. Once at Disney World, Dorothy's idea of quality time becomes a nightmare for Sophia, who realizes that she's a captive in her own hotel room and is being forced to walk down memory lane. Dorothy has brought every piece of family nostalgia they have, and she intends to savor every item. When Sophia tries to make an escape for the park, she is thwarted by a sudden rainstorm. She ends up in the hotel bar, miserable. Meanwhile, Blanche and Rose's partnership crumbles when creative egos clash. They finally make up, only to discover that St. Olaf's greatest author, Hana Christian Lockerhueven, already wrote a book of Toonder's adventures. And at Disney World, Dorothy finds Sophia in the bar, where the two iron out the true meaning of "quality time," and Dorothy realizes that such moments can never be forced.

      b: 18 Feb 89 pc: 091 w: Martin Weiss and Robert Bruce d: Terry Hughes
    17. "You Gotta Have Hope"
      gs: Bob Hope [ Himself ], Andre "Rosey" Brown [ Bodybuilder ], Eadie del Rubio [ Donatello Triplet ], Elena del Rubio [ Donatello Triplet ], Milly del Rubio [ Donatello Triplet ], Daniel Rosen [ Misha ], Douglas Seale [ Seymour ], June Claman [ Phyllis ], Linda Ledge [ Frieda ], Meg Wyllie [ Mrs. Rasmussen ]

      Dorothy is chairman of the Ladies' Auxiliary hospital variety show benefit. The problem is, she can't find any talent for the talent show. Everyone who auditions is horrible, and to make matters worse, the celebrity MC that Dorothy did manage to obtain cancelled. Dorothy is ready to become "the laughingstock of the Ladies' Auxiliary" when Rose proclaims that she can get Bob Hope to be their MC. Hope, she says, is her father: "...sort of...I mean, he could be. Maybe." Rose explains that she was adopted by Gunter and Alma Bylund, and before that happy day, she became convinced that Bob Hope was her father. The ladies think Rose is just being goofy, and they try to salvage the show themselves. Sophia, who has become the agent for the Donatello Triplets, lets her "little songbirds" be in the show fir free on the condition that her new boyfriend, Seymour, a bumbling magician from the vaudeville days, performs, too. With no other decent acts to choose from, the ladies agree. The night of the show finds Dorothy the MC for a lame talent. After Blanche discovers that Rose has forgotten to take Bob Hope's name off the program, Rose realizes she must face her delusions and explain to the audience that Bob Hope isn't going to show up. But just as she does so, Hope himself emerges from Seymour's magic box onstage. It seems that Hope was Seymour's old partner back in the vaudeville days. The ladies are enthralled as Hope entertains their audience, and Rose finally gets to meet her "father."

      b: 25 Feb 89 pc: 092 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    18. "Fiddler on the Ropes"
      gs: Chick Vennera [ Pepe ], Alfred Dennis [ Charley ], Pamela Kosh [ Woman ], Victor Contreras [ Gonzales ]

      The ladies decide they ought to think more about their financial welfare in the future, so they go in on a CD together. As Dorothy says, "It's the simplest form of investment -- an idiot couldn't screw it up." Unless the idiot is Sophia, who takes the ladies' combined three thousand dollars and buys a boxer at a bus stop. They are now the dubious managers of Kid Pepe, a Cuban prizefighter. Pepe has a fight scheduled the next week, and the ten thousand dollar purse is guaranteed. Though the girls are furious with Sophia, winning that purse will get them back their money back and more. So they decide to keep Pepe for the week. The twist comes when they discover Pepe's secret: he's really a violinist with an upcoming audition for the Julliard School of Music. The ladies are faced with a dilemma: do they make Pepe fight and regain their hard-earned savings, or do they tell Pepe not to fight, thereby saving his hands from possible injury? They finally convince Pepe to take a dive in the ring. But the blow to the head he receives causes temporary amnesia. At the Julliard audition the next day, he asks, "Before I start, I just have one question. Do I play the violin?" But prompted by the ladies, he launches into a unique and rousing recital of a Shakespearean monologue and is accepted for Julliard's acting school instead.

      b: 4 Mar 89 pc: 093 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Terry Hughes
    19. "Till Death Do We Volley"
      gs: Anne Francis [ Trudy McMann ], Robert King [ Jack ], Jean Palmerton [ Woman at Reunion ]

      Dorothy is delighted to hear that her high school tennis team is having a reunion in Miami. Best of all, she has a chance to see Trudy McMann, best friend and chief tormentor, with whom she once shared "a happy, healthy rivalry." When Trudy and her husband, Dorothy, Jack, arrive, the limits of this rivalry are explored as Dorothy and Trudy jump right back into their old routine of taunting each other. They end up scheduling a tennis match the day of the reunion party: one "pathetic, middle-aged cow" vs. a "miserable sack of cellulite." But the tennis match ends in disaster - Trudy drops dead on the court. Dorothy insists it's her fault, but the ladies help her rally for the reunion party that night. As Blanche points out, "You were all friends of Trudy. You can console one another." At the party, while trying to explain the tragedy, Dorothy breaks down and flees to her room. Who should show up at the door moments later but Trudy herself, pleased with the success of her greatest practical joke ever - her own staged death. The ladies make her realize, however, what a cruel joke it was, and so Trudy goes to Dorothy's room to apologize. There she finds Dorothy in bed with Jack! "Gotcha!" Dorothy cries in glee, proving to Trudy that two can play dirty.

      b: 18 Mar 89 pc: 096 w: Tracy Gamble & Richard Vaczy d: Terry Hughes
    20. "High Anxiety"
      gs: Jay Thomas [ Sy ], Nancy Black [ Heather ]

      The ladies must band together like never before when they discover that Rose is addicted to a drug prescribed for her 30 years ago for a back injury. Although Rose at first refuses to think that she's overdone the prescription, or that she could possibly be addicted to the drug prescribed by the doctor, she finally accepts the fact that she becomes a "crazy person" without it. The ladies stay up with her all night trying to help her kick the habit. The sun rises without a pill having been taken, but Rose breaks down later and takes one on the sly. Sophia, meanwhile, has been asked by the owner of the "Little Slice of Sicily" pizzeria to be in a national commercial. Dorothy is also recruited once the commercial's director finds he's got a mother-daughter team available. However, showbiz proves too tempting for Dorothy, who can't seem to stop "improving" her lines. She gets herself demoted to the role of waitress. Then Sophia, after tasting the pizza - or rather, "this slime on a shingle" - spits it out and leaves the commercial altogether: "There are two things a Sicilian won't do. Lie about pizza and file a tax return." Rose finally accepts the fact that she must call a drug rehab center to get over her addiction. She makes the call herself, and a month later comes home free of the "monkey" on her back.

      b: 25 Mar 89 pc: 097 w: Martin Weiss & Robert Bruce d: Terry Hughes
    21. "Little Sister"
      gs: Inga Swenson [ Holly ], Jerry Hardin [ Gary ]

      Relationships are strained when Rose's younger sister, Holly, comes for a visit. Rose confesses to Blanche and Dorothy that she never liked Holly much and insists that Holly is hard to get along with. Dorothy and Blanche conclude otherwise, however, as they entertain Holly and end up spending more time with her than Rose. After Rose is left behind on several outings, apparently due to Holly's planning mistakes, Dorothy and Blanche refuse to accept Rose's accusations that Holly is leaving her out of their fun on purpose. Meanwhile, Sophia complicates matters by offering to dog-sit Dreyfuss while neighbor Harry Weston is out of town. Dorothy protests, knowing that Sophia will screw it up somehow, and sure enough something goes wrong: Dreyfuss runs away. Worse still, Sophia doesn't notice till days later. Her solution? Buy a do identical to Dreyfuss. But when Dreyfuss comes home, Sophia is stuck with two huge dogs that she can't tell apart. She uses every trick she knows to keep Dorothy from noticing. Blanche and Dorothy become angry with Rose when she claims she saw Holly kissing Blanche's boyfriend, Gary. But Rose's accusations are finally proven true when Holly is caught with Gary, pants down, so to speak. Rose confronts Holly, and Holly confesses to always having been jealous of Rose's ability to make and keep friends. Yes, she was trying to take Blanche and Dorothy away from her own big sister. "You never think of anyone but yourself," Rose declares, then tells Holly that she would like to be her friend as well as her big sister. But Holly will have to make the first move. Holly leaves Miami with plenty to think about. And Sophia's canine blues? Dreyfuss is singled out, with Rose's help, but Sophia must make an extra trip to the pet store anyway -- she returned the wrong dog!

      b: 1 Apr 89 pc: 098 w: Christopher Lloyd d: Terry Hughes
    22. "Sophia's Choice"
      gs: Ellen Albertini Dow [ Lillian ], Ron Orbach [ Administrator Cummings ], Stanley Ullman [ John ]

      When Sophia goes to visit her friend Lillian at Shady Pines, she's in for a surprise: Lillian isn't there anymore. She's been checked into Sunny Pastures, the "worst nursing home in the city," Sophia says, the place where patients go "when they can't afford a Shady Pines anymore." Sophia is so concerned with Lillian's welfare that Dorothy takes her to visit. Dorothy is appalled to find that Sophia's awful description of the place is fairly accurate. When Sophia then tells the girls that she wants to "adopt" Lillian by visiting her as often as she can, the girls promise to provide transportation. Meanwhile, Blanche has received a fat bonus check at work and has decided to do the only logical thing with it - have her breasts enlarged. The other ladies think that she's being just a little silly, but Blanche is convinced that "what god didn't give me, Dr. Myron Rosenzweig will." The adoption plan for Lillian gets out of hand when Sophia ropes Rose into helping her steal Lillian out of Sunny Pastures' clutches. The ladies, moved by Lillian's situation, try to think of ways to keep the old woman out of such a home, but without lots of money, they can't check her into a better facility, and they find out the hard way that little Lillian needs more care than they can give. Blanche finally provides the answer by deciding that a breast enlargement is actually "frivolous." Her bonus check should provide enough extra money to keep Lillian in a nice facility for quite some time.

      b: 15 Apr 89 pc: 099 w: Richard Vaczy & Tracy Gamble d: Terry Hughes
    23. "Rites of Spring"
      gs: Hilary Shepard [ Yvonne ], Lloyd Bochner [ Eduardo ]

      rc: Stan

      Attempting to better themselves for a friend's annual party, Dorothy, Blanche and Rose decide to lose some weight. Rose suggests joining a health club and reminisces about their last experience at a gym, which ended with hundreds of dollars worth of exercise gear for Blanche and Dorothy. Deciding against another similar experience, they discuss changing their hair instead. Blanche recalls when Sophia talked them into changing their looks once before, taking them to her smooth-talking hairdresser who made them into Sophia clones. Meanwhile, Sophia is worried about her weight loss of one pound. Attempting to gain the pound back, she feasts on pasta for breakfast and bakes a "double-fudge-amaretto-ricotta cheesecake." While the cake bakes, Sophia suggests taking someone ugly to the party to make them look better. Rose suggests improving their personalities instead of their bodies. Dorothy remembers when Stan attempted to get the girls to join an encounter group he had just attended. Pondering one of the self-awareness questions that asked, "describe your best friend," Dorothy replied, "Someone I can tell my secrets to." Attempting to prove Dorothy was talking about her, Blanche and Rose reveal secrets she had told each about the other. Blanche finally suggests to Sophia that perhaps a height decrease has caused the weight loss. This proving to be the case, she begins to throw away the cake. But realizing they have two weeks and one day until the party, the girls decide to forgo the diet a day and eat the cake.

      b: 29 Apr 89 pc: 102 w: Eric Cohen d: Terry Hughes
    24. "Foreign Exchange"
      gs: Vito Scotti [ Dominic ], Nan Martin [ Philomena ], Flo Di Re [ Gina ], Marcia Firesten [ Woman ], Grant Moran [ Technician ], David Willis [ P.A. Voice ]

      Philomena, Dominic and Gina Bosco visit from Sicily. Gina and Dorothy were born within minutes of each other at the same hospital in Brooklyn, making the families lifelong friends, though the Boscos returned to Sicily shortly after. Gina is about to be married, but the blood test has proven it impossible that Philomena and Dominic are her natural parents. The Boscos have come to take Dorothy, whom they claim is their real daughter switched at birth, back to Italy! Later that evening, Dorothy is upset, saying, "I need a parent to hug me and tell me everything will be okay." When both Philomena and Sophia answer in sync, Sophia decides to settle the whole mess by having a blood test. Meanwhile, Blanche decides to take "dirty dancing" lessons and convinces Rose to join her. Oddly, Rose is the "natural" and Blanche stinks. A mortified Blanche repeatedly tries to "out dirty dance" Rose, to no avail. While Dorothy and Sophia wait for the blood test at the hospital, Sophia reminisces about Dorothy's first day of school: Dorothy was afraid to leave her Mommy, so Sophia stood at the window and watched for hours in case Dorothy needed her. "Any real mother would do that for her kid," she says. When the results finally come, they realize they don't need them to prove that they are truly mother/daughter, so they throw the results in the trash (although Sophia sneaks back to take a peek). Upon returning home, Sophia and Dorothy find Blanche and Rose locked together dirty dancing, Blanche redeeming herself after Rose accused her of fabricating her romantic escapades in light of her lack of bodily coordination. The Boscos also witness the scene at they exit the house, realizing that Gina will always be their "daughter."

      b: 6 May 89 pc: 100 w: Harriet B. Helberg and Sandy Helberg d: Terry Hughes
    25. "We're Outta Here (1)"
      gs: Ralph Ahn [ Mr. Yakamora ]

      rc: Stan

      When pranksters plant a "For Sale" sign in front of the house, a Japanese businessman makes an offer for it that Blanche finds hard to refuse. Blanche remembers when the three moved in together and she promised both Rose and Dorothy the same room. The ladies discuss how dependent they've become on each other, "especially Rose." In proving this isn't so, Rose remembers a dance marathon where she out-danced both Dorothy and Blanche. Sophia suggests selling the house, making a large profit and buying a bigger house, but Blanche thinks she might want to travel and see relatives instead. Dorothy recalls all the relatives that have come to visit their home: Uncle Angelo, for whom Dorothy and Stan pretended to still be married; Blanche's niece, Lucy, who met a doctor on the plane and was too busy to "visit"; Sophia's sister Angela; and Rose's cousin Sven, who responded to Blanche's "Get outta here!" by really getting out of there. Stan drops by to borrow a car for a new "pizza delivery" scheme, and, learning that Blanche might sell the house, recalls spending the night trying to woo his way off of Dorothy's bedroom floor into her bed, only to be stopped by Sophia.

      b: 13 May 89 pc: 094 w: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan d: Terry Hughes
    26. "We're Outta Here (2)"
      gs: Ralph Ahn [ Mr. Yakamora ]

      rc: Stan

      After a sleepless night considering Mr. Yakamora's offer, the housemates congregate in the kitchen and a confused Blanche asks the others to "tell me what to do." They remember a previous time when Blanche and Dorothy "told" Rose to go on a cruise with a man she was seeing, then worried that they had pushed her into something they shouldn't have. When Blanche becomes "melodramatic" about the decision she has to make, Sophia recalls when everyone became "a ham" practicing for a talent show and when Dorothy and Rose entered the "write a theme song for Miami" contest. The ladies decide they're hungry, each for a different cuisine, so Sophia suggests ordering out for each kind of food. When they exclaim how odd that would be, she points out other odd experiences they have had, such as the night Dorothy, Blanche and Rose were arrested for prostitution; when Rose placed Dorothy's "work wanted" ad which stated, "I will do anything for eight dollars an hour," in the personals section and when the girls had to find a way to get Rose's teddy bear back from a neighborhood kid. The reminiscing is interrupted by a phone call from Mr. Yakamora, who has decided to retract his offer on the house, explaining that he has spent all of his money buying other investments. Relieved, Dorothy, Rose and Sophia pester Blanche to find out what her final decision would have been. Would she or wouldn't she have sold the house? Blanche proclaims, "Hell, yes, I was going to sell!"

      b: 13 May 89 pc: 095 w: Kathy Speer & Terry Grossman d: Terry Hughes

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    The Golden Girls (5th Season Episode Guide)

    5th Season 1989

      Production credits:
      Co-executive producers: Marc Sotkin, Terry Hughes
      Supervising producers: Tom Whedon, Philip Jayson Lasker
      Producers: Gail Parent, Martin Weiss, Robert Bruce
      Supervising producer: Eric Cohen
      Created by: Susan Harris
      Executive producers: Paul Junger Witt, Tony Thomas, Susan Harris
      Co-produced by: Tracy Gamble, Richard Vaczy
      Story editors: Rick Copp, David A. Goodman, Marc Cherry, Jamie Wooten
      Associate producer: Nina Feinberg
      Associate directors: Lex Passaris, Peter D. Beyt


    1. "Sick and Tired (1)"
      gs: Michael McGuire [ Dr. Budd ], Jeffrey Tambor [ Dr. Stern ]

      Dorothy is stricken with an illness, which renders her confused, weak, fluish, and so exhausted she can barely speak at times. After five months, she's continued to get worse and worse and has been forced to quit her job due to her exhaustion. Having already seen several doctors who have told her she's fine, the ladies convince her to see a specialist. Meanwhile, Blanche decides to write a book, claiming her "life is a romance novel" and she can "write one in her sleep." Dorothy visits a neurologist, Dr. Stevens, who, after making her guess the famous person he has just treated, tells her she's fine, to see more men, and that her disease is probably mental. At Dorothy's insistence, he finally suggests a specialist in New York, Dr. Budd. Accompanied by Rose, Dorothy heads to New York only to be told that she's not sick, she's wasting his time and to change her hair color. A depressed Dorothy is consoled by Rose when she starts to think that maybe she really is crazy. Blanche determines that she will finish her novel that night, even if she "never sleeps a wink," and the ladies discuss Dorothy's disease and the frightening possibility that it might be something deadly and just hasn't been discovered yet, much like "the Black Plague when only one guy had it." Sophia exclaims, "Dorothy could be dying and they just don't know it."

      b: 23 Sep 89 pc: 103 w: Susan Harris d: Terry Hughes
    2. "Sick and Tired (2)"
      gs: Keone Young [ Dr. Chang ], Michael McGuire [ Dr. Budd ], Bibi Besch [ Helen Budd ], Glenn Walker Harris Jr. [ Oliver ], Eric Poppick [ Waiter ], Park Overall [ Laverne Todd ]

      rc: Dr. Harry Weston

      A very upset Dorothy turns to Harry, seeking advice on her illness. After calming her fears that she might really be crazy, he sends her to a virologist, Dr. Chang. Meanwhile, Blanche has been awake for 72 hours writing her romance novel and is delirious with exhaustion. She proclaims that her book is too good to sell and that she won't have her "words coming out of Glenn Close's mouth." At Dr. Chang's office, while Sophia rambles on about being "crazy about Chinese people," Dr. Chang lets Dorothy know that he believes she has a newly discovered disease called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, a disease, a disease caused by a virus that has not yet been identified. Dorothy leaves, thrilled that she is sick and it has a name. Blanche receives several rejections from publishing companies and laments that she won't have anything to make her special. Rose scolds her, telling her that it's what's inside a person that makes them special. The ladies celebrate Dorothy's "debilitating disease" at fancy restaurant, where Dorothy spots Dr. Budd, the New York neurologist who told her she was wasting his time. In a heartfelt speech, she reprimands him for the lack of care and concern he and most doctors show the patient and their willingness to admit they don't have the answer. Upon returning to her table, she discovers the bottle of champagne she'd ordered is far beyond her means, inciting Sophia to finagle the entire meal for free: "Now it's a celebration."

      b: 30 Sep 89 pc: 104 w: Susan Harris d: Terry Hughes

      NOTE: Richard Mulligan and Park Overall cross over in their characters from Empty Nest.
    3. "The Accurate Conception"
      gs: James Staley [ Dr. Manning ], Kathy Ann Conn [ Receptionist ]

      rc: Rebecca

      Blanche's daughter Rebecca has decided on artificial insemination, but Blanche can't begin to conceive of the idea. Mortified, Blanche asks her, "Why would you do something like that? To hurt me?" She refuses to have anything to do with it and tells Rebecca to "wait until I'm dead." Unable to sleep that night, the ladies gather around the kitchen table consoling Blanche, discussing the different ways they conceived their children, but all agree artificial insemination is "ooh." Meanwhile, Sophia is due for a check-up and refuses to go, afraid the doctor will find something wrong. Dorothy tries to trick her into going in the same manner Sophia used to get Dorothy to the doctor, but Sophia is too quick to fall for "pony rides." Rebecca convinces Blanche to visit the sperm bank, hoping she'll accept that they are legitimate. The ladies to accompany her and Dorothy makes a deal with Sophia that she can go too, if she goes to the doctor first. Sophia agrees, "but this better be a great sperm bank." At the sperm bank, a humiliated Blanche questions the doctor, but unable to accept her daughter's decision, storms out of his office in disbelief that a Devereaux "has to pay for it." On returning home, Blanche refuses to talk to Rebecca, who is leaving for the airport, but the ladies convince Blanche that she must learn to respect Rebecca's decisions, which is a lot better than losing a daughter. While Blanche ponders how to say she's sorry, Rebecca enters and overhears her. The two embrace, reunited.

      b: 14 Oct 89 pc: 105 w: Gail Parent d: Terry Hughes
    4. "Rose Fights Back"
      gs: Chick Vennera [ Enrique Mas ], Beth Grant [ Terry Franco ]

      Rose receives a letter from her late husband Charlie's company explaining that her pension is being cut off due to bankruptcy. Because she doesn't make enough money at the grief center to live on, she decides to find a new job. After searching through the want ads with Blanche, Rose spends a day job hunting and returns with disappointing news: the only suitable job she found was assistant manager of a pet store and they wouldn't hire her because of her age. The ladies determine that Rose should fight this illegal age discrimination and urge her to call "what's his name," Enrique Mas, the TV consumer reporter. Meanwhile, Sophia gets a membership card to the Shopper's Warehouse and goes crazy buying mass quantities of items at discount prices. Dorothy starts to worry that it's gotten out of control when Sophia continues borrowing money for ridiculous items like "tube socks." Sophia's rationale is that God wouldn't want to take you and waste "five cases of sardines" that you still have left to eat. Rose meets Enrique Mas and, in lieu of him fighting her age discrimination case, applies for a job as his production assistant. Because Enrique Mas has reservations, he sends her home to do a product comparison test. That night, the ladies gather around the kitchen table to help Rose test shaving products. While they swap stories about when they first started shaving, they eat oatmeal cookies, "because we have so many," Sophia says. Fed up with her reckless buying habits, Dorothy forbids Sophia to go back to the Shopper's Warehouse. The next evening, Rose returns home from seeing Enrique Mas, jubilant with the news that she got the job and even more excited that she will be able to stay with the ladies. They head to the kitchen to celebrate with a special dinner Sophia made: "sardine casserole with a kind of oatmeal cookie crust...there's a lot."

      b: 21 Oct 89 pc: 106 w: Marc Sotkin d: Terry Hughes
    5. "Love Under the Big Top"
      gs: Dick Van Dyke [ Ken Tickly ], Mel Stewart [ Judge ], John Di Santi [ Fisherman ]

      Dorothy is dating a dashing, top-notch lawyer, Kenneth Whittingham, who's so perfect, he even dresses up as a clown on weekends and entertains kids at the hospital. Ken calls Dorothy, saying he needs to talk to her about "something very important" and the ladies congratulate Dorothy on her marriage proposal they're sure is coming. As Ken arrives, Sophia reminds Dorothy, "You and I come as a package." Ken sits Dorothy down and dons a red nose, explaining he's become a full-time circus clown! Meanwhile, Blanche and Rose return from a boating trip distraught by the sight of a dolphin caught in a tuna boat's net. They decide to take part in a protest at the pier against tuna fishing, although Blanche was "hoping more of a fund-raiser cocktail party." While Sophia questions, "What did you do to him," Rose and Blanche comfort Dorothy, who's embarrassed by Ken's decision to become a clown and guilty that she's not supportive. They suggest she join them at the rally to get her mind off Ken. Blanche, having "caught a re-run of Flipper," is newly motivated, so when a fisherman grabs Rose by the arm, Blanche punches him, and a melee ensues. The group is dragged into court, and Ken arrives to save the day...in full clown regalia. Compensating for his appearance with an eloquent and impassioned speech, Ken gets the case dismissed. Upon their return home, Rose is disappointed that their protest was unsuccessful, so she and Blanche head back to the pier "to demonstrate/celebrate." Dorothy confronts Ken with her doubts about the relationship - she's still hoping for a storybook romance and won't settle for something less because there's not a lot of time left. They part, and Sophia comforts Dorothy, saying, "There, there, sweetheart. Knowing you, there'll be other clowns."

      b: 28 Oct 89 pc: 108 w: Tracy Gamble & Richard Vaczy d: Terry Hughes

      NOTE: Script published in anthology The Golden Girls.
    6. "Dancing in the Dark"
      gs: Gregg Berger [ Felix ], G.F. Smith [ Gayle ], Mimi Cozzens [ Lillian ], John Ingle [ Harv ], Edgar Justice [ Morelli ], Al Berry [ Paul ]

      rc: Miles

      Rose and Sophia are escorted home from a ballroom dance by Rose's partner, Miles Webber. After Sophia explains charging the "old geezers" ten cents a dance, Miles invites Rose to a party at his house. Thrilled, Rose attends the party and finds that he and the other guests are college professors. She quickly feels uncomfortable with their philosophical talks and returns home feeling dumb. The ladies convince her to invite Miles over to dinner where she has the "home field advantage." At dinner, Miles invites Rose to see Shostakovich played at the university. She misinterprets this as a sports team and retreats into the house embarrassed, begging Dorothy to make an excuse for her not returning to dinner - she'd do it "but it would only sounds stupid." Meanwhile, Blanche is frustrated because she hasn't had a date the past five Friday nights. In search of a man, Blanche combs a hardware store, where "they're alive with sexual energy," she explains. She returns empty-handed, however, turned off by the way her prospect "cleaned his ears with his keys." Miles calls, hoping Rose will meet him at the concert hall, but she refuses and convinces Blanche to go in her place. When she finally accepts, Rose cries, "Can you believe that back-stabbing slut?" Blanche returns, bored with Miles' adoration of Rose, which gives Rose the confidence she needs to go to the ballroom that night with the ladies. Once there, Blanche finally finds someone - an ear, nose and throat specialist who's "been looking for love in all the wrong places." Miles finds Rose and the two dance, but when Rose tells a St. Olaf story and misreads Miles' response, she runs off feeling stupid. He tells her that he likes her very much: "Life's a ballroom, if you hear what you like, don't analyze it, just dance to it."

      b: 4 Nov 89 pc: 110 w: Philip Jayson Lasker d: Terry Hughes
    7. "Not Another Monday"
      gs: Geraldine Fitzgerald [ Martha ], Jayson Kane [ Maitre d' ], Bonnie Urseth [ Mother ], Doug Cox [ Father ], Robert Neches [ Bartender ]

      rc: Dr. Harry Weston

      Sophia returns home from a funeral with a friend, Martha, who's upset at the death of their friend, Lydia. "At least she's resting peacefully," Sophia says in an effort to console Martha. The next night, Sophia meets a happier bright-spirited Martha at a restaurant. After being lifted onto her bar by the Maitre d', Sophia asks Martha the reason for their meeting. I want you to come over tomorrow night, she says, "I want you to be there when I kill myself." Sophia is dumbfounded, but Martha claims, "I don't have the courage to die by inches. Please help me." Meanwhile, Rose, Blanche and Dorothy watch a baby for the weekend. Unsure whether it's a boy or girl, they check for a "winkie" and quickly discover it's a "Frank." That night, Frank develops a high temperature, so the ladies call their neighbor, Harry. "No, this isn't Blanche playing a joke," Dorothy explains. Harry surmises that Frank has a recurring ear infection and prescribes medicine to be taken every two hours. "Welcome back to motherhood." Unable to get Frank to sleep that night, the ladies sing Mr. Sandman and awaken Sophia. She explains Martha's request for help committing suicide. Shocked and upset, Dorothy forbids her to be there: "When the life drains from Martha what will you do, how will you feel?" Despite Rose's "Angel of Death" story, Sophia says the most important thing in life is "whether you can be there for friends when they need you." The next evening at Martha's, she and Sophia reminisce about their meeting in the hospital and how they wanted to live life. You still have family and warmth; "I hear the silence," says Martha. Let me be here for you, Sophia cries, "like a best friend." They embrace. When Sophia returns home, she warns Frank, "Keep your seatbelt on, there are lots of twists and turns ahead."

      b: 11 Nov 89 pc: 109 w: Gail Parent d: Terry Hughes

      NOTE: Script published in anthology The Golden Girls.
    8. "That Old Feeling"
      gs: George Grizzard [ Jamie ]

      After running out of gas on the highway, Blanche arrives home with the "wonderful news" that the mother-in-law dies and George's younger brother, Jamie, is flying in to settle her part of the estate. Blanche is thrilled - she always thought Jamie was cute, but could never date him - she only dated older men and she had her reputation to consider. Jamie arrives the following day and sweeps Blanche, awestruck by his resemblance to George, off to lunch. She returns that afternoon and proclaims she's falling in love with him..."Mrs. Blanche Devereaux is soon to become Mrs. Blanche Devereaux." Meanwhile, Sophia renews her driver's license and "borrows" the ladies' cars behind their backs to take her "blind date" on dates, explaining why Blanche ran out of gas. Once caught, Sophia is forbidden by Dorothy to continue driving, because she "drives like Mr. Magoo." Dorothy makes her promise not to drive, but Sophia refuses to be humiliated by being made to promise. Later that evening, as Dorothy, Rose and Sophia sit around the kitchen table discussing the advantages and disadvantages of marrying your brother-in-law, Blanche walks in and overhears. They realize how upsetting it would be if Blanche moved away, so Blanche invites her "pathetic, spinster, sisters to come and live with her. "When she puts it that way it's so hard to refuse." The following evening, Blanche tells Jamie of her feelings for him. He too admits strong feelings for Blanche, "But it's not love the way you mean it. You're in love with the memory of George I've brought back to you." Hurt and confused, she exclaims, "but you're so much like him." But I'm not him," Jamie responds, as they share a fond memory of George. That same evening, Sophia is involved in a car accident and Dorothy lays down the la w: No more driving. The following day, Blanche, finished crying, decides to stroll past a construction site because the sound those men make "makes me feel like a lady again."

      b: 18 Nov 89 pc: 107 w: Tom Whedon d: Terry Hughes
    9. "Comedy of Errors"
      gs: Oliver Clark [ Roger Barton ], Tom LaGrua [ Ronny Lark ], Linda L. Rand [ Gloria Schmidt ]

      Dorothy digs out her high school yearbook and finds that many of her classmates have died. Realizing how short life is, she decides to make one of her unfilled dreams happen: entertaining people. Dorothy explains that she used to do a stand-up act in the variety shows at high school and they made her feel wonderful. She signs up for amateur night at the Comedy Barrel. Later Dorothy tries her act out on Sophia and gets very little support. "I'm supporting you by living with you in your twilight year," Sophia responds. Meanwhile, Rose is trying to make her co-worker, Roger like her. She gets him a cat to replace his electrocuted dog, "Sparky," not knowing he's allergic to cats. When she shows up at his door with a friendship cake, he agrees to be her friend if she will leave him alone. She happily agrees, as her new "buddy" slams the door in her face. Blanche is being audited and hasn't claimed her rent income from the ladies. She panics when she's unable to find any receipts but brightens when she remembers she's been audited before and has never had to pay. She "has a way with auditors." She prepares for his arrival by slipping on a sexy negligee, but when "Gloria" arrives Blanche quickly concedes. "Come into the kitchen, I'll write you a check." After a slow start on stage at the Comedy Barrel, a very nervous Dorothy is heckled by Sophia, which brings her to talking about her home life. She becomes a big hit with her tales of four older women in Miami. The next day, Sophia approaches her with new "Rose material," but Dorothy decides not to do any more stand-up comedy. She realizes she's been living her dream each day she faces a new classroom, only better, she's able to teach them something too.

      b: 25 Nov 89 pc: 113 w: Don Reo d: Terry Hughes

      NOTE: Script published in anthology The Golden Girls. Some sources identify the character played by guest LaGrua as "Jimmy."
    10. "All That Jazz"
      gs: Chick Vennera [ Enrique Mas ], Scott Jacoby [ Michael Zbornak ], Stan Roth [ Makeup Man ]

      rc: Stan

      Dorothy's son, Michael, turns up with "great news" -- he quit the band he was touring with and he and his wife separated. Upset at his nonchalant attitude, Dorothy is concerned that Michael doesn't take commitments seriously and he needs to learn. She tries to find him a job at the Hacienda Hut and Blanche points out that it is a sleazy singles bar. Stan arrives that evening to take Michael out -- to the Hacienda Hut where he's known as "Mr. Lucky." When Michael smooth-talks Dorothy into giving him money, she realizes it's time he learns to stand on his own two feet and decides to cut him off. Meanwhile, Rose has a stiff neck, caused by stress at work. Blanche finds her in the kitchen at three in the morning staring at two light bulbs, testing which one lasts longer. "You're driving us all crazy," she cries. When meditation doesn't work to relax Rose, Blanche insists she talk to Enrique Mas about lightening her workload before it kills her. While Rose listens to a relaxation tape, Dorothy laments over kicking Michael out - learning he's staying with Stan doesn't help. Sophia scolds Dorothy for turning her back on family, even when cousin Nunzio moved in with his pet goat she didn't turn her back on him. The following day, Stan appears and breaks down to Dorothy that "Michael's ruining my life." He's got real talent and does nothing with it. Show him it's never too late to be an adult, Dorothy cries. That afternoon Rose visits Enrique Mas and explains, "I can't possibly handle all the things you give me to do." He understands, his "neck used to be like that" and promises to hire her an assistant. The following day, Michael shows up to say goodbye -- Stan, too, asked him to leave. "We both agree we love you," Dorothy explains, and he exits after Sophia slides money into his pocket. He'll forgive you someday, Sophia comforts; of course, by then "you'll be dead."

      b: 2 Dec 89 pc: 111 w: Robert Bruce & Martin Weiss d: Terry Hughes
    11. "Ebb Tide"
      gs: Sheree North [ Virginia ], Paul Eiding [ Peter ], Brandis Kemp [ Maddy ], Steven Gilborn [ Howard ]

      Big Daddy calls Blanche, wanting her to visit him in Atlanta. She explains that she doesn't have the time - she's Queen of the Citrus Festival Ball, one of the highlights in Miami that weekend, for which she later receives a commemorative plate that no one is allowed to touch. Her excitement is cut short when she receives a call the next day from her sister, Virginia, with news of Big Daddy's death. Dorothy decides to accompany Blanche to Atlanta. While Blanche is giving Dorothy a tour of the house, Virginia walks in, and a heated argument ensues between the sisters over whether Blanche has ever been there for the family, ending in Blanche's refusal to go to the funeral. Meanwhile, Sophia wants to make some extra money for a giant-screen TV. When Dorothy and Blanche leave town, she defies their wishes and rents out their rooms to weekend travelers. To convince Rose to go along with the scam, she concocts a story that they're from a small town much like St. Olaf. While a wild party takes place in the living room, Dorothy calls to confirm all is well and as they conclude that all is, a large crash is heard from the living room - Blanche's prized plate is in pieces. Dorothy and Blanche look through old photos of a young "porker" Blanche, and as she remembers Big Daddy fondly, Dorothy tries to convince her to go to the funeral so she can say goodbye. Blanche pays her respects the following day and in a touching speech recalls how Big Daddy was always there for her, even though at times she wasn't so easy to love. She wishes him her love and as she turns to go says, "I'm nobody's little girl anymore." At home, Sophia has written speeches explaining the broken plate, but Rose finds a duplicate which they buy with Sophia's profits from the weekend. When Blanche arrives, she explains that she's a new person that values life not material things and breaks the plate - as it represents the old her. As the other ladies scurry off to the kitchen for cheesecake, Sophia asks, "What is this, sarcasm?"

      b: 9 Dec 89 pc: 112 w: Marc Sotkin d: Terry Hughes
    12. "Have Yourself a Very Little Christmas"
      gs: Matt McCoy [ Father Avery ]

      rc: Stan

      It's Christmas time and Stan shows up to persuade the ladies to invest in a novelties research and development lab. They kick him out and go back to planning their Christmas. The heat wave and crowds have made shopping so unbearable that they decide to pick names from a hat and only buy a gift for that person. A great idea, but no one wants to end up with a gift from Rose. Blanche is the unfortunate recipient, and Christmas morning prepares an "It's beautiful act." She is surprised and thrilled to find a simple tasteful gift, but Rose is distraught as the gift she picked out for Blanche has gotten switched with another at the store. They decide to continue the Christmas spirit and help Rose at her church, giving Christmas traditions; they serve dinner and are surprised to see so many children and even a Santa Claus. When Santa gets to the front of the line, he greets Dorothy, revealing himself, "Hi, it's me, Stan." A shocked Dorothy learns from Stan that he miscalculated the public taste and, with the shipment of toys that didn't arrive until the day before Christmas, he lost everything. He had been trying to get money from them for himself, not a lab. To top it off, his wife threw him out for cheating. He laments, "Why me?" and Dorothy asks, "Why them. You're not alone." The reverend explains to Rose that Stan's situation is common. Most Americans are within three paychecks of being out on the street. Dorothy decides to make Stan realize that he's lucky because he can recover but finds him feeling sorry for himself. She gives him some money and tells them to "wallow somewhere else." A short time later, Stan returns, still dressed as Santa, with a bag of his unsold novelties and hands them out to the children. He realized that he is more fortunate than the others, he still has options. The ladies remind each other that the homeless must be in their hearts all year long not just on Christmas.

      b: 16 Dec 89 pc: 115 w: Tom Whedon d: Terry Hughes

      NOTE: Script published in anthology The Golden Girls.
    13. "Mary Has a Little Lamb"
      gs: Julia McCullough [ Mary ], Lorry Goldman [ Fred ], Dennis Jonston [ Merrill John ]

      Mary, a sixteen-year old neighbor, surprises the ladies with a visit, then surprises them with her news - she's pregnant and her father's kicked her out of the house. The ladies decide to take her in, just as they did when her mother died, yet they can't believe that Fred would act so mean. Sophia points out that Fred's dog is mean too; he ate her friend Ida. Later, Dorothy talks to Mary about when she was unmarried and pregnant and how difficult it was for her father to accept; it just takes time. Meanwhile, Blanche has been exchanging provocative letters with a convict and panics when he gets out of jail and comes for a visit. When Merrill shows up, the ladies convince him that Blanche isn't "Blanche"; in fact, "Blanche" is ugly, wrinkled and fat. Unable to stand these lies, Blanche blows it, saying that "Blanche is beautiful. Merrill leaves, saying he'll be back for her, but Blanche decides to stay at a friend's house until he is gone for good. The ladies discuss putting Mary in childbirth classes and Sophia points out that they're taking a lot of responsibility for Mary, responsibility that is her father's. She and Dorothy go to Fred's house, where Sophia relates to his situation and tells him about Dorothy, the slut, who also got knocked up but didn't get kicked out of the house. She is quickly scared away by Fred's dog and returns home. Dorothy resorts to a St. Olaf story in an attempt to make Fred realize how much Mary and he need each other now. Unsuccessfully, she storms home to find Sophia's been tied up by Merrill, who "wanted to have something to remember Blanche by, so he took the silver." That night Fred stops by and apologizes to Mary, but before they head home, Fred thanks Dorothy for the St. Olaf story. As Dorothy slinks away, she cries, "I was desperate."

      b: 6 Jan 90 pc: 117 w: Harold Apter d: Terry Hughes
    14. "Great Expectations"
      gs: Robert Mandan [ Steven ], Michelle Pawk [ Mary Ellen ], Kathy Bendett [ Nurse ], Kat Sawyer-Young [ Woman in Hospital ]

      Blanche's date cancels on her due to a health problem, spurring Blanche to decide she needs to date more youthful men. Dorothy points out that she had a wonderful man, Steven, but she let him go as soon as she felt commitment. She realizes that she did run away from a good thing and returns to her new/old relationship with Steven. All her old fears of commitment m the hospital saying Steven's had a heart attack. Meanwhile, Rose drags the ladies to a positive thinking group, where they encounter a pack of smiling idiots who exclaim "you're special." Later, Dorothy realizes how negative she really is and decides to head the words of Rose's group and take a new outlook on life. Positive things begin to happen, but she quickly begins to feel like "Vanna White with cramps." She misses the controversy in her life and decides ti return to the real Dorothy. Blanche refuses to go to the hospital to visit Steven, stating that she doesn't want to get emotionally involved with a man when there are no guarantees for a future. The ladies point out that in life there aren't any guarantees, only choices. Sophia realizes her cue and tells a story about her missed opportunity with Pablo Picasso. After days of mulling around, Blanche admits she misses Steven and goes to the hospital, only to find he's gotten back with his old girlfriend. She realizes that her fear of losing has caused her to lose and returns home with the knowledge that sometimes in life you have to take chances. All is lost though; she meets a man in the next bed with the heart of a 25 year old. "As long as his body doesn't reject it."

      b: 13 Jan 90 pc: 116 w: Martin Weiss & Robert Bruce d: Terry Hughes
    15. "Triple Play"
      gs: Molly Hagan [ Caroline ], Ronnie Schell [ Thomas ], Bill Cort [ James ], Lance Wilson-White [ Delivery Boy ]

      rc: Miles

      It's a hectic day for the ladies when Miles brings his daughter Caroline, over for lunch to meet Rose, Blanche puts a rented Mercedes up for sale at a very low price to entice eligible men and Sophia mysteriously starts flaunting a large wad of money. Planning on getting a "six-month supply" of men, Blanche shuffles prospective dates in and out for their test drives, and soon a bidding war for the next car begins. "I assumed that once they saw me they'd forget about the car," she cries. When Sophia offers to cash one of their checks, Dorothy pulls her aside and she admits the government has been sending her more social security checks than usual - "enough to have you robbed out if you rat." On the lanai, Rose tells Caroline that her name's in a song, "I am a rock, I am a Nylund." When she goes to get dessert, Caroline joins her and tells Rose to stay away from her father. A distraight Blanche escapes to the kitchen, followed by Dorothy and Sophia, and finds a devastated Rose. The ladies remember when you had to impress a man's parents, not his children. Blanche says she could straighten things out with Miles and persuades Dorothy to get ride of her men. But "I still intend to date Thomas and James. So let them down easy." Dorothy talks Sophia into returning the money to the government, reminding her how much America meant to her as an immigrant. Blanche confronts Caroline about her conversation with Rose and when Miles hurries off to talk to her, Blanche points out that Rose is not like some women who would stoop to "false advertising" to get a man. "I never looked at it that way," Caroline concedes. As Dorothy and Sophia get rid of the men, Thomas stops and asks Dorothy out. When she asks Blanche if she's upset, Blanche says, "No...it serves me right," and offers her the key to the Mercedes for her date. "You've got this coming." She then calls the police: "I'd like to report a stolen Mercedes."

      b: 27 Jan 90 pc: 119 w: Gail Parent d: Terry Hughes
    16. "Clinton Avenue Memoirs"
      gs: David Correia [ Mr. Hernandez ], Flo Di Re [ Young Sophia ], Kyle Heffner [ Young Salvadore ], David Correira [ Mr. Hernandez ], Jandi Swanson [ Young Dorothy ]

      rc: Salvadore

      Sophia's memory is starting to fade, and when she forgets her wedding anniversary, Dorothy thinks something is really wrong. Sophia realizes she's slipping, so peruses the family photo album in hopes of conjuring up some memories. But even as Dorothy rattles off stories of her childhood, Sophia can't remember except for a carving Sal put behind the kitchen pantry door in their Brooklyn apartment. Dorothy convinces Sophia to see a doctor, who prescribes a new diet to help control further memory loss, and Sophia decides to head back to Brooklyn to regain some of her past. "I can't lose my Sal. Not again." Meanwhile, Blanche wants to have her hair done by Miami's most talented hairdresser, but can't afford it. Rose suggests she work for her doing research. Blanche procrastinates, ignoring her responsibility to Rose, causing bad feelings between them. Blanche finally finishes the work, they make up, and she asks to be paid under the table. "No way. I go under, you never show up," Rose responds. Dorothy and Sophia visit their old apartment in Brooklyn, and the new tenant, Mr. Hernandez, warns "don't take anything." They look for the carving in the kitchen but it's not there. Dorothy remembers her jealousy when newborn Phil was brought home but Sophia doesn't remember and heads to the bedroom. "Stay out, you barged in on me enough when you were a kid," she tells Dorothy. There, Sal's ghost appears to her and convinces her that with a little spunk she'll be fine. He fades away as Dorothy and Mr. Hernandez enter. He opens the closet door to reveal the carving Sophia has been looking for. Happy that she remember some things she remarks, "Kitchen, bedroom, I knew it was a room I was good in."

      b: 3 Feb 90 pc: 114 w: Richard Vaczy & Tracy Gamble d: Terry Hughes
    17. "Like the Beep Beep Beep of the Tom-Tom"
      gs: Robert Culp [ Simon ], Peter Michael Goetz [ Dr. Stone ], Stanley Kamel [ Dr. Stein ], David Jay Willis [ Orderly ]

      Blanche arrives home from a visit to the doctor wearing a halter monitor. Even though she explained she's been seeing a lot of Simon and it must be fatigue, the doctor insists on running tests of her irregular heartbeat. The following week she returns home with frightening news; she needs a pacemaker. At the hospital, a nervous Blanche prepares herself for surgery, and the ladies comfort her by singing Over There as she is wheeled away. Meanwhile, Rose is testing weight-loss products for work - "Vacuum Slacks" which are supposed to "suck" fat away, and a flab stimulator which sends out electric charges to unwanted fat deposits. When the tests are completed, Rose finds she has gained four pounds and goes on the tried and true St. Olaf "I can't believe it's cheese" diet where "you only eat rice." As Sophia laments over having to give away the microwave, Blanche reveals that she may never be her old self again after the out-of-body experience she had on the operating table. She ends a date with Simon as quickly as possible, then states, "I'm giving up sex." Two weeks later, Blanche is making gifts out of popsicle sticks, and even though she's frustrated, admits she's too afraid she won't be able to reach the heights of passion she once did to have sex again. She goes out with Simon to tell him of her resolve but he convinces her she is the same person she always was. They head back to the bedroom and when the ladies come home from the movies that night they hear Blanche singing "Over there...Over there...No, I said over there..."

      b: 10 Feb 90 pc: 120 w: Philip Jayson Lasker d: Terry Hughes

      NOTE: Script published in anthology The Golden Girls.
    18. "An Illegitimate Concern"
      gs: Mark Moses [ David ]

      A mysterious young man claiming to be an encyclopedia salesman shows up looking for Blanche's late husband, George. The ladies become suspicious when he doesn't try to sell them any encyclopedias, two days later he's spotted at the supermarket and Dorothy sees him waiting outside their house in his car. "Sex-crazed psycho with a granny complex" is Rose's call. When Blanche decides to confront him and his obsession for her, he confesses - George was his father. Outraged, Blanche kicks him out of the house and cries, "How could George do this to me? I even turned down a journalist famous for his work on 60 Minutes!" Meanwhile, Sophia persuades Dorothy to enter the Shady Pines mother/daughter beauty pageant so she can finally beat her archenemy Gladys Goldfine. After finally agreeing on evening gowns, they practice their talent: I Got You Babe dressed as Sonny and Cher. Trying to comfort Blanche, Dorothy and Sophia tell her about their husbands' infidelities and they decide "men are scum." Later Rose admits to Blanche that Charlie cheated on her too, and tells her "Don't throw away all the good memories just because of a mistake." David returns on his way home to Dallas and begs Blanche to give him some information about his father: "After-all, I am his son." Conceding, they go through her old photo album and she gives him a picture of his father fishing. The ladies return home from the beauty pageant as runners-up but feeling victorious -- they beat Gladys Glodfine, who sang Try to Remember and couldn't. Blanche realizes she was taking her anger at George out on David, who is actually a very nice man. As the ladies exit to celebrate with some cheesecake, Blanche stays behind and looking at George's picture, tells him, "You son of a bitch...and I could've had Andy Rooney."

      b: 12 Feb 90 pc: 118 w: Marc Cherry & Jamie Wooten d: Terry Hughes
    19. "72 Hours"
      gs: Tony Carreiro [ Doctor ], Peggy Walton-Walker [ Recpetionist ], Frantz Turner [ Doctor ]

      Rose receives a letter from the hospital where she had her gallbladder removed, stating she might have been exposed to blood containing HIV antibodies and she should come in for an AIDS test. The ladies accompany her to the hospital, where she checks in with a fictitious name - Dorothy Zbornak. A very frightened Rose is comforted by Blanche, who explains that she too had the test and knows what Rose is going though. After checking out fine physically, Rose finds out she must wait three days for the test results and cries, "How am I going to get through the next seventy-two hours?" Meanwhile, Dorothy is involved with a "Save the Wetlands" organization and the ladies decide to have a celebrity auction to gain recognition and support for the diminishing wetlands. Rose is unable to sleep so she takes an all-night spin to Alabama and picks up an autographed playbill for the auction. When she realizes that Jamie Farr has not yet sent the dress he promised, she gets hysterical and the ladies realize how traumatic waiting for test results can be. They discuss times when they've had to wait and were afraid, then vow to help Rose through whatever comes along, even though, as Sophia points out, when the disease is so close to home it's scary. The 72 hours finally over, they all go to get Rose's results and find out she is fine. With high spirits, they march off to the celebrity auction together, certain it will be a big success - "Ma stuffed and mailed over five hundred invitations." "Stuffed?" Sophia asks.

      b: 17 Feb 90 pc: 121 w: Tracy Gamble & Richard Vaczy d: Terry Hughes

      NOTE: Script published in anthology The Golden Girls.
    20. "Twice in a Lifetime"
      gs: Eddie Bracken [ Buyzz ], April Ortiz [ Maria ], Douglas Steale [ Malcolm ]

      rc: Miles

      Visiting Buzz Mueller, St. Olaf's heppest cat, rekindles the romance that ended when he left Rose to join Spike Jones' band and asks her to accompany the band to Europe. A torn Rose must choose between Miles and Buzz, just as she had been forced to choose between Charlie and Buzz 40 years earlier. Meanwhile, Sophia is running around with a new "in" crowd, and when Dorothy questions their activities and imposes a curfew, Sophia protests by moving out. As Rose struggles with her decision, the ladies discuss the hold a first love can have on you. The following day, Blanche and Dorothy visit Sophia in her new home (a penthouse apartment with a maid) to convince her to move back. When Dorothy still won't agree to let her stay out late with her friends, Sophia refuses to move home. Miles confronts Rose about their future, and she explains that she needs more time. When she asks Buzz for more time, he suggests he go to Europe and come back for her. Realizing he had made and broken that promise before, she breaks it off with him and when a jealous Miles barges in and demands she stop seeing Buzz, she happily jumps into the "jungle cat's" arms. Sophia returns, realizing Dorothy was right, the "in" crowd is too wild, and warns, "If anyone asks, I was here last night."

      b: 24 Feb 90 pc: 122 w: Robert Bruce & Martin Weiss d: Terry Hughes
    21. "Sisters and Other Strangers"
      gs: Marion Mercer [ Magda ], Barbara Babcock [ Charmaine ]

      Blanche's estranged sister Charmaine comes to town to promote her newly-published novel. At first they appear to enjoy a successful reconciliation: Charmaine gives Blanche a copy of her book and asks for Big Daddy's pocket watch to remember him by. Then Blanche reads the book and is aghast to discover it's about her life! Meanwhile, Stan's cousin Magda visits from Czechoslovakia and complains about America and capitalism every chance she gets. Dorothy is especially bothered by Magda's attitude and tries to convince her that freedom and the political changes in Czechoslovakia are for the best. The ladies attend the book signing, and Magda is amazed by the volume of books and varied ideas. Dorothy gives her two books that will explain capitalism to her: Common Sense and Vanna White's autobiography. Blanche barges into the book signing to denounce Charmaine's book as trash. Later, Magda announces she's returning to Czechoslovakia to face changes because of Rose's story about changing her life and going to St. Olaf -- the city that never naps. Charmaine arrives unexpectedly for Big Daddy's pocket watch. Blanche refuses to give it to her and as Charmaine rifles though her bedroom to find it, accuses her of ripping off her life for the book. Charmaine explains that the book is about her life: they're too much alike, which is probably why they never got along growing up. They embrace -- then simultaneously check their images in the ceiling mirror.

      b: 3 Mar 90 pc: 123 w: Mark Cherry & Jamie Wooten d: Terry Hughes
    22. "Cheaters"
      gs: Jerry Orbach [ Glen ], Sam McMurray [ Kane ], Nancy Lenehan [ Nun ]

      Dorothy receives a phone call from Glen O'Brian, a married man she dated four years ago. She agrees to meet him, against Sophia and Rose's better judgment, and she finds out he's recently been divorced. He asks for a second chance at their relationship and, the old passionate feelings overwhelming her, she falls back into his arms. Meanwhile, Sophia and Blanche go to the mall, where they met a man who's found a wallet containing a large amount of money. Unable to decide what to do with it, they enlist the help of a nun, who suggests they open a joint account and each put in the sum of their own money for good faith. After a short debate, the ladies figure, "What could they lose?" Blanche and Sophia return home, mortified they've been taken by a con artist. After swearing on "Uncle Guido's grace" that she won't tell anyone, Sophia tells Rose about the scam. Rose convinces them to report it to the police so the "scamsters" will be caught. A humiliated Blanche does call the cops and winds up with a date. Dorothy brings Glen home to meet the ladies. On the way in, he asks her to marry him, which takes Dorothy by surprise. She promises to think about it. Sophia immediately questions him about cheating on his wife four years earlier. He passes "Final Jeopardy" and wins over Sophia. Back at Glen's apartment, his ex-wife calls and he says he's alone, forcing Dorothy to realize he's not yet emotionally divorced. When he refuses to wait to get married, she realizes he just wants to be married, not necessarily to her. They part, "if you ever change your mind..."

      b: 24 Mar 90 pc: 124 w: Tom Whedon d: Terry Hughes

      NOTE: Script published in anthology The Golden Girls.
    23. "The Mangiacavallo Curse Makes a Lousy Wedding Present"
      gs: Howard Duff [ Mangiacavallo ], Tanya Louise [ Jenny ], Myles Berkowitz [ Joey ], Stuart Nisbet [ Doug ], Jonathan Schmock [ Waiter ]

      Dorothy is cranky in the morning and everybody knows it's because she can't get a date for her goddaughter's wedding, which is fast approaching. Rose is reluctant to go to the wedding for other reasons - her boyfriend, Miles, is out of town and weddings get her "hot." Blanche wants to lend Dorothy a date from her "collection," but Dorothy knows it always "puts a strain on our relationship" when Blanche tries to be generous. Sophia points out the importance of looking good at this wedding: Giuseppe Mangiacavallo, grandfather of the groom, left Sophia standing at the altar 70 years ago and she put a curse on him. Dorothy acquiesces, and asks Blanche for a date with Doug. The only problem is, Doug is listed on Blanche's "A" list, and when her date cancels for the wedding she finds herself incredibly attracted to Doug, Dorothy's date. This inflames Dorothy: "I knew this was going to happen!" Meanwhile, Sophia tells Mangiacavallo that she has planned for all the happiness of the day to come "crashing down on your head." He scoffs, until the bride and groom have an ugly fight that threatens to ruin the reception. Mangiacavallo begs Sophia's forgiveness. Sophia "removes" the curse, but not before Dorothy and Blanche return from bickering over Doug to find he has left the wedding with Rose. Dorothy admits Rose is "really something" when they discover she only had Doug take her to the airport - to go meet Miles!

      b: 31 Mar 90 pc: 125 w: Philip Jayson Lasker d: Terry Hughes
    24. "All Bets are Off"
      gs: Michael Ensign [ Donald ]

      Sophia is punching up Dorothy's resume for her vice principal's interview when Rose discovers she can't finish her St. Olaf painting because she can't paint a horse from memory. Blanche suggests Dorothy take Rose to the racetrack so she can memorize one. Dorothy is reluctant, but finally agrees. When they return from the track, Sophia is shocked to find out where Dorothy has been and calls her into the kitchen. Apparently, Dorothy had a terrible gambling problem 15 years ago that nearly cost her her name. Dorothy assures Sophia that she has it under control: "You don't have to worry about me." Meanwhile, Blanche goes out with Donald, the new curator from the museum, despite the ladies' mixed feelings about dating a co-worker. But Donald has no mixed feelings about Rose's painting - "This is quite good." He offers to hang her work, but the pressure becomes too much for Rose and she finally decides to paint only for pleasure. Dorothy's gambling escalates and she misses her important interview. When she realizes she is willing to take advantage of Rose to pay off gambling debts, she goes back to Gamblers Anonymous where she found help the first time she got in trouble. Blanche comes home to report that Donald admitted he also had problems with the idea of dating a co-worker: so he quit his job and asked her out!

      b: 28 Apr 90 pc: 126 w: Eugene B. Stein d: Terry Hughes
    25. "The President's Coming! The President's Coming! (1)"
      gs: Timothy Stack [ Agent Bell ]

      rc: Stan

      When the ladies discover that the President of the United States is going to dedicate the new senior citizens' center just down the street, the only glitch in their happiness is that Dorothy's ex-husband, Stanley, shows up, trying to sell the George Bush's "Point of light on a stick." Dorothy gets rid of Stan just in time for Secret Services Agent Bell to come in and ask the ladies some questions, in case the President actually stops at their house for a photo opportunity. As Agent Bell walks the ladies through a series of security clearance questions, we join them in remembering scenes from "Golden Girls" past. The ladies are very excited about the visit. Dorothy starts planning her speech for the President about her views on education and Rose paints a banner, but Blanche is mostly concerned about how much cleavage to show. In the end, the President does visit them but Dorothy has no itch for speech-making when the President extends his hand from the crowd to shake hers. As the others react to Dorothy being rendered speechless, she declares: "I think he got the message."

      b: 5 May 90 pc: 127 w: Marc Sotkin & Gail Parent and Martin Weiss & Robert Bruce d: Lex Passaris
    26. "The President's Coming! The President's Coming! (2)"
      gs: Timothy Stack [ Agent Bell ], Harry Shearer [ Voice of President Bush ], Raye Birk, Alan Blumenfeld, Henry Darrow, Jack Gilford, Harvey J. Goldenberg, Kevin McCarthy, Pat McCormick, Jeffrey Webber, Roland August, Richard Bernard, Gale Scott, Blake Gibbons, Tally Lauriti, Rick LeFever, Samuel Lloyd, Jay Pennick, Eddie Powers, Quentin Tarantino [ all the unidentified roles are seen in flashbacks only ]

      rc: Stan

      When the ladies discover that the President of the United States is going to dedicate the new senior citizens' center just down the street, the only glitch in their happiness is that Dorothy's ex-husband, Stanley, shows up, trying to sell the George Bush's "Point of light on a stick." Dorothy gets rid of Stan just in time for Secret Services Agent Bell to come in and ask the ladies some questions, in case the President actually stops at their house for a photo opportunity. As Agent Bell walks the ladies through a series of security clearance questions, we join them in remembering scenes from "Golden Girls" past. The ladies are very excited about the visit. Dorothy starts planning her speech for the President about her views on education and Rose paints a banner, but Blanche is mostly concerned about how much cleavage to show. In the end, the President does visit them but Dorothy has no itch for speech-making when the President extends his hand from the crowd to shake hers. As the others react to Dorothy being rendered speechless, she declares: "I think he got the message."

      b: 5 May 90 pc: 128 w: Philip Jayson Lasker & Tom Whedon & Marc Cherry & Jamie Wooten d: Lex Passaris

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    The Golden Girls (6th Season Episode Guide)

    6th Season 1990

      Production credits:
      Executive producer: Marc Sotkin
      Co-executive producers: Tom Whedon, Philip Jayson Lasker
      Supervising producers: Gail Parent, Richard Vaczy, Tracy Gamble, Don Seigel, Jerry Perzigian
      Created by: Susan Harris
      Executive producers: Paul Junger Witt, Tony Thomas
      Co-produced by: Nine Feinberg
      Executive story editors: Marc Cherry, Jamie Wooten
      Story editors: Jim Vallely, Mitchell Hurwitz
      Associate directors: Lex Passaris, Peter D. Beyt


    1. "Blanche Delivers"
      gs: Ken Lerner [ Doctor ], Leila Kenzle [ Tamara ], John O'Leary [ Mr. Ninervini ], Diane Racine [ Nurse ]

      rc: Rebecca

      Blanche welcomes her daughter, Rebecca, but not the miracle of modern medicine, which is soon to make her a grandmother: artificial insemination. Rebecca announces she wants to be near her mother when the baby arrives. Blanche is more preoccupied by the embarrassment of her single daughter giving birth in a local hospital then in accepting her daughter's choices. Not to worry, Rebecca plans to deliver in a birthing center. Armed with ankle-strengthening weights and St. Olaf-style skating costume, Rose trains for the Senior Sports Classic. She hopes to fulfill her parents' dream that she would some day become a champion ice skater. A glimpse of drug-free childbirth leads Rebecca back to the local hospital. Blanche sees ho how much her daughter needs her and sets aside judgment to coach Rebecca through delivery. Back in the hospital waiting room, Rose realizes that you don't always have to please your parents, especially when they're dead. Blanche appears, holding her new granddaughter. As the ladies gather for a closer look, Blanche proudly announces that the baby was conceived through the miracle of artificial insemination. Everyone applauds.

      b: 22 Sep 90 pc: 129 w: Gail Parent & Jim Vallely d: Matthew Diamond
    2. "Once, in St. Olaf"
      gs: Don Ameche [ Brother Martin ], Scott Bryce [ Dr. Warren ], Michael Goldfinger [ Attendant ], Tom Henschel [ Dr. Bob ], Alicia Brandt [ Dr. Tess ], William Bumiller [ Man ]

      While admitting new patients to the hospital, Rose meets Brother Martin, a man who's more than just a monk with her nose, he's her natural father. Next in line is Sophia who's scheduled for hernia surgery after moving a couch for Dorothy. Rose tells the ladies of her amazing discovery and they encourage her to put aside her feelings of abandonment to establish a relationship with her father. Dorothy assumes her mother's surgery has gone off without a hitch until the hospital calls to confess they have misplaced Sophia. Dorothy is both panicked and guilt-ridden. After all, she's the one who asked Sophia to lift furniture. Sophia wakes up on a gurney convinced she's reached heaven. Actually, she's in a hospital elevator. As Dorothy and Blanche comb the hospital, Rose questions her father about his past and the circumstances that led him to forgo being a part of her life. He explains that by the time he realized his affair with Ingrid Kerclavaner had produced a child, Rose had left the orphanage to be adopted by the Lindstroms. He felt that to appear out of nowhere would have been more than she could handle, so he chose to remain with the church. Having long since made amends with God for his past, all that remains for him is Rose's forgiveness. Rose's anger dissipates with the realization that this man gave her life. Much to Dorothy's relief, she finally finds her mother. Sophia confesses that Dorothy had nothing to do with her hernia, it happened when a few of the gals decided to put Gladys' VW on the lawn.

      b: 29 Sep 90 pc: 131 w: Harold Apter d: Matthew Diamond
    3. "If at Last You do Succeed"
      rc: Stan

      Thanks to the Zbornee - America's first baked potato opener - Stan Zbornak's a millionaire. Happy to share his success after so many years of failure, Stan showers everyone with lavish gifts. Dorothy is unreceptive: her love is not for sale. She won't even accompany him to a reception he's hosting to impress influential Japanese businessmen. Stan's hurt her too many times in the past for her to believe that he's a changed man. Stan stands up to Dorothy, then exits. Blanche saves her flowerbeds from the ravages of Rose's yard sale by purchasing everything for fifty dollars. Frippery turns to fortune - Blanche finds $50,000 in St. Olaf war bonds while throwing Rose's "lifetime of memories" into the dumpster. Dorothy is impressed by Stanley's newfound assertiveness. The ladies offer stories of betrayal from their pasts while Dorothy wonders whether she can trust Stan again. He stops by the night of the big reception and confesses that success has him treading unfamiliar ground. He needs her, like he used to when they were together. Dorothy's swayed, she dresses and goes to the party. Blanche's call to St. Olaf reveals that cashing in on the bonds would bankrupt the town. She makes a "pro" and "con" list and reluctantly agrees that saving a small town from financial ruin outweighs being able to "get stuff." St. Olaf rewards her altruism with a Blanche Deveraux statue to be funded with the city's $500,000 emergency statue fund. As Blanche tries to explain that a town with a $500,000 statue fund can't be bankrupted by $50,000 in bonds, Dorothy and Stan return from a lovely evening. The ladies clear out and Stan kisses Dorothy good night. Sophia watches from the hallway and laments that Dorothy's going to send her to an early grave, but...too late.

      b: 6 Oct 90 pc: 132 w: Robert Spina d: Matthew Diamond
    4. "Snap Out of It"
      gs: Martin Mull [ Jimmy ], Danny Breen [ Emcee ], Lenore Woodward [ Mrs. Taylor ]

      While helping Sophia serve "Meals on Wheels," Dorothy meets Jimmy, a political activist so traumatized by the sixties that he hasn't left his apartment since. Dorothy can identify - after Stan left, she sought refuge in her bedroom. She vows to get Jimmy to a counselor. Breakthrough: Jimmy calls, he's tired of isolating. Dorothy thinks he wants to get out, instead Jimmy invites her in to live with him. When Dorothy explains that she doesn't think of him "that way", he kicks her out and vows to never set foot outside again. Blanche is robbing the cradle again, a dead giveaway that her birthday is approaching. Rose plans a party to launch Blanche out of her slump, despite Blanche's attempt to freeze her life at forty-two. Dorothy gives it one more shot and coaxes Jimmy out to grocery shop. Jimmy steps into the store and is swarmed by a crowd that welcomes him as the one millionth customer. Jimmy panics and runs out. Blanche celebrates her birthday by taking a long walk and concludes that age is irrelevant when she's blessed with family, friends and a career. Dorothy returns home, convinced she's ruined Jimmy's life. The doorbell rings, it's Jimmy. He prefers a world filled with nice people like Dorothy to the isolation of his apartment. Blanche invites him into the kitchen for coffee and "Surprise!", he walks right into Blanche's birthday party. Too much too soon -- Jimmy bolts.

      b: 13 Oct 90 pc: 135 w: Richard Vaczy & Tracy Gamble d: Matthew Diamond
    5. "Wham, Bam, Thank You, Mammy"
      gs: Ruby Dee [ Mammy Watkins ], Peggy Rea [ Mrs. Contini ], Richard McKenzie [ Jack ]

      A year has passed since Big Daddy's death and Blanche faces auctioning of his things. Her ad in an Atlanta paper leads more than bargain hunters to her doorstep - Viola Watkins, Blanche's childhood Mammy, surfaces as abruptly as she left over thirty years ago. She's come to ask for a music box she once gave to Big Daddy. Along with her request comes shocking news: she and Big Daddy were lovers. Dorothy finds out that Sophia hired a matchmaker for her and hits the roof. She's tired of Sophia meddling in her life. Rose points out that Dorothy lets her pride get in the way too often. Sophia just wants her daughter to be happy. Dorothy tells Sophia she appreciates her efforts, but she doesn't need a man to be happy. News of Big Daddy's extramarital affair Blanche ever thought about her father. She refuses to give the music box to Mammy, saying it would be tantamount to approval of what happened. Viola explains that she and Blanche's father never intended to fall in love and they would have handled the situation differently, but interracial marriages were taboo at that time in the south. Beyond the issue of infidelity, Blanche can't reconcile how Mammy could have loved her, then deserted her. Viola explains she was forced to leave the night Mrs. Devereaux found out about the affair, but she remained a part if her "little dumpling's" life from afar. With newfound understanding of past events, Blanche gives Mammy the music box, but...it's the wrong one. Which raises the question - who did this music box come from?

      b: 20 Oct 90 pc: 134 w: Marc Cherry & Jamie Wooten d: Matthew Diamond
    6. "Feelings"
      gs: Robert Costanzo [ Coach Odlivak ], Frank Hamilton [ Father O'Mara ], Christopher Daniel Barnes [ Kevin Kelly ], George Wyner [ Dr. Norgan ]

      Rose is miserable after a trip to the dentist, not because of her dental work, but because she thinks her dentist fondled her while she was under anesthesia. Dorothy and Blanche are outraged, and try to get her to report the incident. Rose is uneasy about the confrontation, and continues to put it off. Dorothy's got confrontation problems of her own. Her students at the local Catholic boys' school are slapping "Kick Me Hard" signs on her back not because she's a substitute, but because she refuses to pass Kevin Kelly, making him ineligible to play in a big game. The coach offers to take her out on Saturday night, the school's dean (a priest) threatens her with a "vocal and active alumni" reaction, but Dorothy stands her ground. Dorothy finally acquiesces when a dead fish is delivered to her doorstep. "I thought I could make a difference," she says. "I can't, they win." She agrees to give Kevin an incomplete and tutor him, but he refuses the deal until after football season is over. Dorothy is frustrated about backing down, but when Kevin's football season ends after he's hurt in the game, Dorothy steps right back in and tutors him from his hospital bed. Blanche convinces Rose she must confront her dentist, and accompanies her to his office. With cotton and suction hose in her mouth, Rose awkwardly suggests that maybe he touched her. He denies it, saying she was dreaming. She apologizes profusely, but while the dentist begins the procedure he sighs, "Wowee-wow-wow-wow", just like he did the first time around. Rose leaps out of the chair and holds the doctor at bay with a water hose, announcing she will report him to the authorities.

      b: 27 Oct 90 pc: 130 w: Don Siegel & Jerry Perzigian d: Matthew Diamond
    7. "Zborn Again"
      gs: Siobhan Fallon [ Abby ], Dion Anderson [ Mr. Percy ], Stan Roth [ Cop ]

      rc: Stan

      Dorothy's head's in a whirl: Stan's back and he's stirring up old feelings. He woos her with candy, he sends her meat, he arrives for their date in the Studebaker they took to Senior Prom. And, as they did in high school, Stan and Dorothy end up in the back seat. Things are a little different this time around - as they assure the policeman on patrol, it's okay, they're divorced. Rose's new co-worker, Abby, talks a blue streak. After several unsuccessful attempts to get a word in edgewise, Rose enlists Sophia's help. At the station, Sophia cuts to the chase, "Abby, shut up. Get a life. Stop calling Rose...leave her alone." The moment is cut short by the station manager's announcement that they've hired a new consumer reporter: Abby Wolfe. When Abby calls to ask Rose's help in getting over the first day jitters, Rose decides it's best to be flattered that Abby needs her. Dorothy tries to sneak into the house after her date with Stan, but Blanche and Rose are up, with a backup cheesecake in the fridge. Dorothy spills the details and admits her confusion, "Stanley Zbornak made me weak in the knees. You think I'm proud of that?" The ladies offer their sympathies and their best sex ever stories. Sophia voices motherly disapproval, but Dorothy assures her it's over with Stan. Or is it? Dorothy's late-night rendezvous with Stan might go unnoticed by her roommates, but not the sweeping searchlights of a police helicopter.

      b: 3 Nov 90 pc: 135 w: Mitchell Hurwitz d: Matthew Diamond
    8. "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Sophia"
      gs: Kathleen Freeman [ Sister Oberin ], Paul Wilson [ Arthur Nivingston ], Lela Ivy [ Sister Claire ], Lynne Stewart [ Sister Anne ]

      Sophia returns from the funeral of her best friend, Sister Agnes, to announce that God has spoken to her - she's going to become a nun. Her girlhood dream to take the vail, put on hold when her future husband first put his hand in her blouse, is now ready to be realized. Despite her roommates' reluctance to see her go, Sophia leaves for the convent. Blanche's practice of rear-ending cars to meet their gentlemen drivers backfires when her latest target, Arthur Nivingston, files for bodily injury. Good news for Blanche: she was driving Rose's Gremlin. Bad news for Rose: Rose's insurance company hears about the law suit and drops coverage. Blanche devises a plan to seduce Arthur to get pictures of him in a physically challenging position. It works like a charm and Rose gets the needed evidence that Arthur's law suit is a hoax. During the ladies' visit to the convent, Mother Superior pulls Dorothy aside to say that Sophia's too much of a rabble-rouser and will have to leave. When Dorothy breaks the news, Sophia is not surprised so much as disappointed. Becoming a nun was her attempt at filling Sister Agnes' shoes and insuring that her own life would have meaning. Dorothy gently points out that one person can't take the place of another. Sophia's life is significant to the many people who love her and all those she's helped.

      b: 10 Nov 90 pc: 136 w: Marc Cherry & Jamie Wooten d: Matthew Diamond
    9. "Mrs. George Devereaux"
      gs: George Grizzard [ George ], Lyle Waggoner [ Himself ], Sonny Bono [ Himself ], Todd Jeffries [ Policeman ], Brad Kepnick [ Maitre d' ]

      Blanche's secret admirer admits he has been keeping a nine-year-old secret. When he reveals his identity, Blanche is shocked: her new suitor is her "dead" spouse, George Devereaux. He surfaces to confess that he staged his own death nearly a decade ago and pleads with Blanche to understand. His partner was framing him for embezzlement and his Southern pride told him better to be thought dead than a failure. Dorothy's romantic roster is "an embarrassment of riches" - she's being wooed by Sonny Bono and Lyle Waggoner. They all met one night at dinner theatre and it's been a (Bermuda) love triangle ever since. Dorothy toys with their affections until the law steps in - to arrest Lyle for a "crime spree" in Palm Springs, California. When all eyes turn to Sonny, he shrugs and confesses, "It's good to be mayor." Dorothy tries to chastise him, but is overcome by the allure of his power. It's a shock, denial, anger and acceptance all over again for Blanche. She spent nine long years grieving for George, dreaming of him, and waking to the realization that he's gone. And now he's back? Rose convinces Blanche that she should at least speak to him, if not for herself, then for all those who would never have that second chance. Blanche clears her conscience of thoughts that have troubled her since George's "death." George assures Blanche realizes that she's never seen in anyone's eyes what she sees in George's. They hug. Smash cut: Dorothy comes into Blanche's bedroom to check on her. George's appearance was part of the recurring dream. Except this time, Blanche actually got to hold him, something she thought she'd never be able to do again. The ladies wish her further sweet dreams, and Blanche drifts back to sleep.

      b: 17 Nov 90 pc: 138 w: Tracy Gamble & Richard Vaczy d: Matthew Diamond
    10. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun ... Before They Die"
      gs: Cesar Romero [ Tony Delveccio ]

      rc: Miles

      Dorothy prepares for an event she'd hoped never to face: giving the eulogy at her kid brother's funeral. Phil died suddenly of a heart attack while trying on designer knockoff at "Big Girls Pay Less," leaving Sophia unresolved as to why her son dressed in women's clothing. She blames his wife, Angela, for encouraging his cross-dressing and instead of grieving, turns her energy to perpetuating their twenty-six year feud. Dorothy appeals to Angela to mend the rift, but she's never understood what started it. Dorothy convinces Angela to stay at the house for a few days following the funeral. Sophia continues to snub her. Angela doesn't miss Sophia's support, the shame is that Phil did. Sophia defends her stand: Angela insulted the Petrillos with a rubber dowry check. Angela's shocked that she even had a dowry and furious with Sophia for fragmenting the family over a lousy forty-seven dollars. She tries to make amends by writing a new check, but Sophia demands her driver's license and major credit card. Rose recognizes from her experience at the grief center that the dowry wasn't Sophia's true concern. Sophia admits that every time she saw Phil, she'd wonder what she did or said to make him what he was. Everyone agrees that what Phil was was a good man and there's no shame in having loved him. Sophia grieves...her baby's gone.

      b: 24 Nov 90 pc: 139 w: Gail Parent & Jim Vallely d: Matthew Diamond
    11. "Stand By Your Man"
      gs: Hugh Farrington [ Ted ], Tom Nibley [ Librarian ], Andy Goldberg [ House Boy ]

      Blanche ventures off to the library with Dorothy and meets a new man. When she pours on the charm, Ted asks her to dinner. Blanche agrees, and why not? He's friendly, athletic-looking and, as she's startled to note when he pulls away from the table...in a wheelchair. Dorothy makes her own discovery at the library. Sophia's library card expired five years ago and the book she has checked out are way overdue. Dorothy convinces Sophia to come clean, return the books and throw herself on the mercy of the librarian. Rose is bringing up baby (Dreyfuss' puppy, Bingo), and it's disrupting the household. Although Sophia is home during the day, she's hardly the one to look after him - look how she raised Dorothy. Bingo digs up a potted plant, gnaws a hole in the newspaper and chews the heel off Blanche's new pump. Rose contacts "Pets for People" and they find him a good home. Nervous about her date with Ted, Blanche convinces Sophia to come along as chaperone. Ted helps Blanche see beyond his disability by pointing out that "most people in wheelchairs were something else until one second before their accident." With further coaxing, he convinces her to lose the chaperone and stay the night with him. As her feelings for Ted deepen, Blanche decides their relationship shouldn't be affected by his confinement to a wheelchair. When she offers to go with him to Philadelphia, Blanche find out he's restricted in way she hadn't anticipated: he's married. Blanche realizes that disabled people exhibit the full range of characteristics that any person would, including selfishness and dishonesty.

      b: 1 Dec 90 pc: 137 w: Tom Whedon d: Matthew Diamond
    12. "Ebbtide's Revenge"
      gs: Brenda Vaccaro [ Angela ], Earl Boen [ Father Salerno ]

      Dorothy prepares for an event she'd hoped never to face: giving the eulogy at her kid brother's funeral. Phil died suddenly of a heart attack while trying on designer knockoff at "Big Girls Pay Less," leaving Sophia unresolved as to why her son dressed in women's clothing. She blames his wife, Angela, for encouraging his cross-dressing and instead of grieving, turns her energy to perpetuating their twenty-six year feud. Dorothy appeals to Angela to mend the rift, but she's never understood what started it. Dorothy convinces Angela to stay at the house for a few days following the funeral. Sophia continues to snub her. Angela doesn't miss Sophia's support, the shame is that Phil did. Sophia defends her stand: Angela insulted the Petrillos with a rubber dowry check. Angela's shocked that she even had a dowry and furious with Sophia for fragmenting the family over a lousy forty-seven dollars. She tries to make amends by writing a new check, but Sophia demands her driver's license and major credit card. Rose recognizes from her experience at the grief center that the dowry wasn't Sophia's true concern. Sophia admits that every time she saw Phil, she'd wonder what she did or said to make him what he was. Everyone agrees that what Phil was was a good man and there's no shame in having loved him. Sophia grieves...her baby's gone.

      b: 15 Dec 90 pc: 140 w: Marc Sotkin d: Matthew Diamond
    13. "The Bloom is Off the Rose"
      gs: Mitchell Ryan [ Rex Huntington ], Don Mirault [ Flight Instructor ]

      rc: Miles

      Rose and Miles' relationship has gone stale. They even make love the same - four hours of the most boring sex imaginable. She doesn't remember life with Charlie ever being this dull. In an effort to leap out of their rut, Rose arranges for she and Miles to jump from an airplane. Sophia consults radio talk-shrink Dr. Gail Kelly for on-air advice about her dependent daughter. Sophia wants to "encourage separation," but ends up spending night after night with Dorothy, putting together a puzzle of the first lunar landing. Meanwhile, Blanche and Rose are out on dates looking at the real moon. Blanche refuses to admit she's in a mentally abusive relationship. Rex Huntington stands her up, shoots her down and has her do his laundry, yet Blanche sees him as a challenge. It isn't until Rex becomes physically violent with Dorothy that Blanche recognizes his cruelty and kicks him out. Rose's skydiving plans have Miles living each day as if it were his last. While talking through their pre-dive jitters, Miles points out that Rose remembers life with Charlie as it never really was, then asks him to compete with it. Rose apologizes and assures Miles she loves him for who he is, even when he's boring. Miles does something Charlie never dared to: he jumps from the plans. Later, Rose visits him at the hospital - thank goodness she didn't jump.

      b: 5 Jan 91 pc: 142 w: Philip Jayson Lasker d: Matthew Diamond
    14. "Sisters of the Bride"
      gs: Monte Markham [ Clayton ], Lou Cutell [ Irving ], Michael Ayr [ Doug ], Mimi Cozzens [ Susan Dodds ]

      Blanche's brother Clayton arrives from Atlanta with a big surprise: his boyfriend, Doug. Blanche claims to have accepted Clay's sexual orientation, but actually witnessing his lifestyle his lifestyle throws her a curve. Clayton overhears Blanche obsessing about what people might say and assures her that his and and Doug's commitment to one another is all that matters. To celebrate, they're planning to get married. Sophia plans the Volunteer Vanguard Award banquet on a shoestring budget and secretly promises Dorothy to various men in return for discounts on flowers, catering, even the janitorial service. She's exposed when Dorothy declines the advances of Irving the ice sculptor, but makes good on the deal by offering to go out with him herself. Rose practices her acceptance speech in anticipation of being names "Volunteer Vanguard of the Year." She figures she's a shoe-in this time - after all, she's never won in the seven years she's been nominated and her only competition, Agnes Bradshaw, is dead, dead, dead. The night of the banquet arrives and the winner is...Agnes Bradshaw, in a posthumous victory. Rose is asked to accept on her behalf. Later, it's hard for Rose to part with the trophy, but she realizes that volunteer work isn't about receiving glory...it's about getting that dead woman's name off this year's award. The ladies invite Clayton and Doug to the banquet, but in Blanche's eyes the event becomes their coming out party. She attends, not in deference to them, but to support Rose. Blanche keeps her cool until Clay starts to introduce his fiance. She cuts him off with, "Fire! Fire! Everybody out!" - a distraction that keeps Clay and Doug from going public, but proves she's yet to accept her brother's alternative-style family. Clay tells her to come to terms with it, or not to be a part of it. Sophia helps Blanche to see that everybody wants someone to be with as they grow older and Clayton is no exception. Doug assures her he loves Clay very much and Blanche welcomes her future brother-in-law to the family.

      b: 12 Jan 91 pc: 141 w: Marc Cherry & Jamie Wooten d: Matthew Diamond
    15. "Miles to Go"
      gs: Mary Gillis [ Gladys ]

      rc: Miles

      Underworld kingpin Mickey "The Cheeseman" Moran is dead - news that for some reason prompts Miles to cut short his celebration of Robert Frost's birthday and send the ladies home. Miles, it seems, is a scholar among rogues, a rogue among scholars and not Miles Weber at all. The truth is, he's Nicholas Carbone, a former accountant from Chicago. Years ago, to keep from going to prison, he turned state's evidence with information that put client Moran away. Moran escaped prison, driving Miles into the Federal Witness Relocation Program. With "The Cheeseman" now dead, Miles can return to Chicago and he wants Rose to come along. Blanche buys a $300 outfit for an upcoming date with the intention of returning it afterwards. The hitch is that Dorothy spills coffee on the dress. A quick trip to the cleaners removes the stain, but leaves evidence that exposes Blanche's plan: he dry cleaning tag. Sophia is amped about the about the Tony Bennett concert until Gladys Goldfein decides to take a man in her place. Sophia retaliates with a sicilian curse, Gladys apologizes and reinvites her. Sophia asks to hold her ticket to Tony...Martin? Why would Gladys camp out to see him? Sophia gives her blessing - Gladys can take a date instead. Rose is confused. If Miles lied all that time about his identity, was anything shared between them real? The ladies convince Rose to see him again and she find the similarities between Miles and Nick are uncanny. Nick is the Miles she's always loved. Except now he's actually Larry. News that the Cheeseman staged his death sends Miles back underground. He asks Rose to join him, but it would mean leaving her friends and family behind forever. To tell anyone where they're headed would be too dangerous. Rose makes a difficult choice. She kisses Miles goodbye.

      b: 19 Jan 91 pc: 145 w: Don Seigel & Jerry Perzigian d: Matthew Diamond
    16. "There Goes the Bride (1)"
      gs: Mary Gillis [ Sarah ], Tony Sawyer [ Lois ], Jack Yates [ Police Officer ]

      rc: Stan

      Dorothy has been going to great lengths to keep her nightly rendezvous with Stan a secret from her mother. Blanche and Rose convince Dorothy she should tell Sophia that she is falling in love with Stan again. Sophia takes the news as well as she did the first time around: she fakes chest pains. At dinner that night, Stan proposes to Dorothy by hiding a beautiful engagement ring inside her baked potato. They agree they'd like to tell everyone in the world about their upcoming wedding...except Dorothy's mother. Rose's casual dinner with a friend is ruined when the man's ex-wife shows up at the restaurant and threatens her with a lobster. She is frightened by the woman's harassment, and calls the police to try to feel safe. Blanche and Rose throw Dorothy a shower, but Sophia will have no part of it. The woman are bored to tears by Rose's shower games, but a stripper, dressed as a cop, arrives to spice up the party. Blanche is goosing the "cop", only to find out it's the real Officer Rose called for protection. Rather than be embarrassed, Blanche gooses him again and makes sure he gets her name right. Sophia is offended because no one asked her permission to let Dorothy marry Stan. But when they call a formal meeting to request Dorothy's hand, Sophia flatly turns them down, saying she doesn't trust Stan, and will disown Dorothy if she goes through with the wedding.

      b: 2 Feb 91 pc: 143 w: Mitchell Hurwitz s: Mitchell Hurwitz and Gail Parent & Jim Vallely d: Matthew Diamond
    17. "There Goes the Bride (2)"
      gs: Debbie Reynolds [ Truby Steele ], Raye Birk [ Caterer ], Meg Wyllie [ Myra ], Jack Blessing [ Father Monroe ], Marvin Mitchelson [ Himself ], Milt Oberman [ Erroll ], Cleto Augusto [ Photographer ]

      rc: Stan

      Sophia will stop at nothing to sabotage Dorothy and Stan's wedding. She brings eligible men to the house for Dorothy to meet, cancels the flowers for the ceremony, and bribes the priest to "blow his lines at the Zbornak wedding." Still, plans continue for the big day. But when Blanche finds Truby Steele, an outspoken but lively woman, to rent Dorothy's room, the ladies realize Dorothy is moving out and their friendship will never be the same. The guests are greeted in a less than elegant manner as they arrive for the wedding: Rose has installed a device that makes the doorbell sound like a pack of hounds. "I got it to scare Myra away," she tells Dorothy, referring to the woman who's been threatening Rose to stay away from her ex-husband. When Myra shows up at their door, Rose's roommates have a good laugh. Rose has been frightened by a frail old woman. Rose finally convinces Myra she was never interested in her ex-husband. Dorothy is very nervous for the wedding, but Stan assures her it's the right thing to do. Then he introduces her to his best man, Marvin Mitchelson, who presents Dorothy with a pre-nuptial agreement the size of the Sunday New York Times. Infuriated by Stan's distrust, even after their thirty-seven-year marriage, Dorothy throws Stan out and send the guests home. That night Dorothy decides to invite Sophia along on the trip she was supposed to take with Stan. "This has always ben my worst nightmare," Dorothy admits. "A wedding falling apart at the last minute?" Truby asks. "No," Dorothy says, "going on a honeymoon with my mother."

      b: 9 Feb 91 pc: 144 w: Gail Parent & Jim Vallely d: Matthew Diamond
    18. "Older and Wiser"
      gs: Don Lake [ Mr. Porter ], Carol Bruce [ Lucille ], Julius Harris [ Mr. Lewis ], Bill Wiley [ Smokey ], Ellen Albertini Dow [ Sarah ]

      After a three-week bout with the flu, Sophia needs to take it easy. Dorothy wants Cypress Grove Retirement Home to keep an eye on her during the day, but knows her mother would never agree to staying there as a guest. She arranges a white lie with the owner to introduce Sophia as the new "activities director," but instead of getting rest, Sophia gets active - for her, it's not just a job, it's an adventure. Mr. Porter draws the line when she takes the residents for a walk that turns into a six-hour field trip. He tells Sophia the truth about her position: it was a put-up job. Blanche is "discovered" by a print-ad photographer and asked to model for a Pennysaver ad. When she takes Rose along on the shoot, he decides to use Blanche's face and Rose's hands. Both women are excited until the first edition arrives - "Does your face look like this? Do your hands look like this? Then you need Ponce de Leon Anti-Aging Cream." Blanche launches a desperate effort to retrieve every copy distributed in the greater Miami area. Back at home, Sophia's getting plenty of rest, but she now appears as inactive as the residents at Cypress Grove. Dorothy faces the awkward responsibility of parenting her parent. She stops in to check on her mother, finds her gone and immediately deduces that Sophia snuck off to Cypress Grove. Sure enough, Dorothy catches Sophia in the middle of the Hokey-Pokey and tries to drag her home, but Sophia protests. Is she really so old that she can't make her own choices? Dorothy agrees they'll make decisions involving her, together. Mr. Porter agrees to changes as well and Sophia rejoins the Cypress Grove staff as the volunteer activities director.

      b: 16 Feb 91 pc: 146 w: Richard Vaczy & Tracy Gamble d: Matthew Diamond
    19. "Melodrama"
      gs: Alan King [ Mel Bushman ], Tommy Hinkley [ Andy ], Jonathan Schmock [ Robber ], Philip Forman [ Bill ]

      Blanche's date cancels, so she shifts to Plan B; Bushman. When Mel doesn't answer the phone, Blanche becomes frantic about his safety and drags her roommates over to check up on him. Turns out he wasn't dead, just vacationing, but the scare was enough to convince Blanche they're more than "insignificant others." Yabba dabba do, it must be love. Rose took a shot at the weekend news reporter spot. Her audition assignment is a step toward the excitement she's been seeking - she's covering the Thirteenth Annual Miami Pet Dog Expo. Sophia offers sage journalistic advice: get the story, no matter what. Rose does, despite the annoying distraction of an armed robber who shakes down participants for random valuables. The station manager is unimpressed by her fast-breaking coverage of "People Who Resemble Their Dogs", but Dorothy suggests the whole thing is just a matter of editorial judgment. Rose isn't too disappointed; after all, she got to see a dog show for free. Blanche is delighted to find the person she's been sleeping with all these years is the person she loves. Even though she and Mel have been out a thousand times, everything's suddenly changed. But it has changed for the better? Blanche thumbs her nose at Mel's lack of appreciation for dinner at an expensive restaurant while Mel complains about having to put on a tie to eat food he can't see. Blanche insists she loves him - what other explanation is there for flipping out over his disappearance? Mel points out what she really missed was knowing "Bushman awaits." What he misses now is the way they were. Blanche agrees that a relationship is more than just sex and fun and videos and good times. Thank God what they have isn't a relationship.

      b: 16 Feb 91 pc: 147 w: Robert Spina d: Matthew Diamond
    20. "Even Grandmas Get the Blues"
      gs: Alan Rachins [ Jason ], Allison Robinson [ Actress ], Jonathan Schmock [ The Director ]

      rc: Rebecca

      Blanche gets roped into babysitting for her granddaughter, Aurora, while Rebecca goes on a job interview. Blanche reluctantly takes the baby with her to a Community Playhouse audition for Taming of the Shrew. Although she doesn't get the part of Kate, she does get the man. Her Petruchio Jason, thinks Aurora is Blanche's daughter and Blanche is too flattered to correct him. Jason, Blanche and Aurora become a threesome and Jason entertains prospects of their future as a family. Sophia readies for the Festival of the Dancing Virgins, a celebration of mothers and daughters. Because Dorothy is too wrapped up in teaching her honors class to help, Sophia teaches Rose the family recipe for Salsa Grandioso. Dorothy confesses she's intimidated by her intelligent students, so Sophia tells her she was the brightest kid in Brooklyn. Fortified with new confidence, Dorothy takes another run at it. But when Dorothy decides to skip the festival to attend a MENSA meeting, Sophia admits Dorothy wasn't an outstanding student. High I.Q. or not, Dorothy recognizes the importance of family and community. Next year she'll learn the sauce. Rebecca voices the delight that Blanche has taken such a liking to her granddaughter. When Blanche comes clean, Rebecca is livid that her mother would use her baby to snag a man. The truth is enough to alienate Jason as well. He has no problem dating a grandmother, but he will not date a liar. Sophia's recollection of good times spent with her grandmother prompts Rebecca to mend the rift between she and her mother. The Festival of the Dancing Virgins is celebrated by all.

      b: 2 Mar 91 pc: 149 w: Gail Parent & Jim Vallely d: Robert Berlinger
    21. "Witness"
      gs: Kristy McNichol [ Barbara Weston ], Barney Martin [ Karl ], Beth Grant [ Louise ], Marla Adams [ Woman #1 ], Gloria Dorson [ Mrs. Ward ], Elise Ogden [ Woman $2 ]

      rc: Miles

      Rose is dating Karl, a guy who might be able to help her forget about Miles. But as Rose mulls over whether or not to go away with Karl for the weekend, Miles reappears as his new identity - Samuel Plankmaker, Amish farmer. He's decided to risk being found by "The Cheeseman" in order to be with Rose. Once the ladies agree to let Miles stay at the house a couple of days, Rose realizes she doesn't know how to react: how will she be able to go on with her life if Miles keep reappearing? Meanwhile, Sophia has lost her glasses and insists she's not making a big deal about it. She just reports it to the police. Barbara Weston from next door answers the call and tells Sophia that she'll check the lost and found. Preparing her lineage presentation for the initiation banquet of the "Daughters of the Old South," Blanche discovers that her great grandmother was not only born in Buffalo, New York, but also bore the un-Southern name of Feldman. Blanche decides to attend the banquet anyway and lie her way into the club. Once there, she realizes she can't forsake her heritage, and sacrifices her membership into the club - after a little begging. At the banquet, Karl excuses himself to make a phone call, and reveals he is actually "The Cheeseman." Rose unwittingly tells Karl that Miles is back and staying with her. Back home, the ladies and Miles are surprised by Karl, revealing a pistol and his true identity. The doorbell rings and Barbara arrives with Sophia's glasses - stolen by Dreyfuss. Barbara is able to apprehend "The Cheeseman," and Rose and Miles are free to be together again.

      b: 9 Mar 91 pc: 148 w: Mitchell Hurwitz d: Zane Buzby

      NOTE: Kristy McNichol crosses over from Empty Nest.
    22. "What a Difference a Date Makes"
      gs: Hal Linden [ John Nerretti ], Sid Melton [ Don the Fool ], Nick Jameson [ Minstrel ]

      Dorothy gets a call from an old friend - the man who stood her up for her senior prom. John Nerritti is in town and wants to see her. Despite Sophia's insistence that Dorothy should let the past rest, Dorothy devises her revenge: she'll accept the date, then tell John she forgot about it. But Dorothy's plan to make John crumble backfires. She takes one look at him and is soon sitting in a Medieval restaurant enjoying his company. After asking Dorothy if he can escort her to a prom she's chaperoning the next week, John refutes a misconception Dorothy has held for years: John did show up to take Dorothy to their prom, only to be thrown out by Sophia. Blanche's wedding anniversary approaches, along with her yearly tradition of having her picture taken in her wedding dress. However, to fit into it this year, Blanche must diet. She decides to try the Drink-It-Off plan, one sensible meal and two diet shakes a day. After Rose eats her sensible meal one day, Blanche loses control and calls her a "babbling, bubble-headed, bleach blonde baboon." After a week of suffering for all, Blanche manages to fit in her bright red wedding dress. Rose takes the picture, but notices as Blanche leaves the room that the zipper has split. Snapping a picture of the retreating Blanche, Rose notes, "Baboons never forget." Although it was forty years ago, Dorothy cannot forgive Sophia for what happened on that prom night. If Sophia hadn't sent John away, she may not have gone out with Stanley Zbornak and gotten pregnant. Later, John informs Dorothy that he thinks Sophia was right in throwing out the rude, poorly dressed kid who came to pick up Dorothy, and by doing that, Sophia made him look at himself and change. Considering this, Dorothy apologizes to Sophia, telling her she understands that we make the best decisions we can with what we know. Peace restored, Dorothy "tells Ma" about the prom she finally got to go to with John Nerretti.

      b: 23 Mar 91 pc: 150 w: Marc Cherry & Jamie Wooten d: Lex Passaris

      NOTE: Guest Melton had previously appeared in flashbacks as Dorothy's father Augusto.
    23. "Love For Sale"
      gs: Lou Felder [ Terry ], Tom Seidman [ Man ]

      rc: Stan, Uncle Angelo

      The ladies prepare for the Children's Hospital Bachelorette Auction. It takes some convincing to get Dorothy to participate; last year she was love slave to a balloon salesman named Sid. Her roommates pitch in to guarantee her a better suitor, but things go beyond their control: when Dorothy goes up on the block she incites a bidding war. Offers rise higher and higher until she's "Sold!"...to Stan for five hundred dollars. Dorothy's Uncle Angelo arrives from Sicily, dead-ass broke with nowhere to live. Stan's Uncle Morris dies, leaving Stan and Dorothy am apartment building. Coincidence? Stan thinks not. Dorothy reluctantly agrees to a partnership, strictly business, and Uncle Angelo movies into Uncle Morris's old apartment. Angelo complains about everything except the rent - he's not paying any. Despite Stan's attempt to buy his way into Dorothy's life, she refuses to let herself get taken in again. "Stanley...no matter how hard you try, you can't fix something that no longer works." Stan agrees to let go, but points out that dissolving their partnership means tossing her Uncle Angelo out on the street. Sure, it's blackmail, but it's got a certain logic. Dorothy acquiesces: they'll be business partners, but that's it. Stan has his own definition, "You're my girl, Dorothy. You always will be. But if you want me to go, then that's what I'll do." After he leaves, Dorothy reflects that it's over. Truly over. And she's okay.

      b: 6 Apr 91 pc: 151 w: Don Seigel; Jerry Perzigian d: Peter D. Beyt
    24. "Never Yell Fire in a Crowded Retirement Home (1)"
      gs: Stanley Kamel [ Herb, Sophia's lawyer ], Richard Riehle [ Detective Parres ], Jeffrey Tambor [ Dr. Stern ], McLean Stevenson [ Ted Zbornak ], Tony Jay [ Laszlo ], Richard Herd [ Ernie Faber ]

      rc: Stan

      Maria Heartgrave confesses on her deathbed that she and Sophia started a 1985 Shady Pines fire while cooking a s'mores with a contraband hot plate. Sophia's inability to provide the hot plate as evidence results in her arrest. Dorothy bails a fearful Sophia out of jail. The ladies then hire an attorney who is big into character references resulting in lots of reminiscing. The next day, Sophia tries to jump bail and return to Sicily, but gets caught when her chef's knife shows up in airport security. Dorothy is notified and gives Sophia an introduction to prison life by locking her in her room for the night under watchful eye and key. By reliving the night of the fire, Sophia thinks she is innocent when she remembers the curtains were on fire and she escaped with the hot plate. Rose also discovers a guy on the take might be the culprit. However, with Mrs. Heartgrave's strong confession, Sophia needs to provide the hot plate as evidence to get the charges dropped. Where is it? Her memory is jogged when the smoke alarm goes off in her bedroom and she yells, "Anyone for s'mores?"

      b: 27 Apr 91 pc: 153 w: Tracy Gamble & Richard Vaczy and Tom Whedon & Mitchell Hurwitz s: Gail Parent d: Matthew Diamond
    25. "Never Yell Fire in a Crowded Retirement Home (2)"
      gs: Stanley Kamel [ Herb, Sophia's lawyer ], Richard Riehle [ Detective Parres ], Jeffrey Tambor [ Dr. Stern ], McLean Stevenson [ Ted Zbornak ], Tony Jay [ Laszlo ], Richard Herd [ Ernie Faber ]

      rc: Stan

      Maria Heartgrave confesses on her deathbed that she and Sophia started a 1985 Shady Pines fire while cooking a s'mores with a contraband hot plate. Sophia's inability to provide the hot plate as evidence results in her arrest. Dorothy bails a fearful Sophia out of jail. The ladies then hire an attorney who is big into character references resulting in lots of reminiscing. The next day, Sophia tries to jump bail and return to Sicily, but gets caught when her chef's knife shows up in airport security. Dorothy is notified and gives Sophia an introduction to prison life by locking her in her room for the night under watchful eye and key. By reliving the night of the fire, Sophia thinks she is innocent when she remembers the curtains were on fire and she escaped with the hot plate. Rose also discovers a guy on the take might be the culprit. However, with Mrs. Heartgrave's strong confession, Sophia needs to provide the hot plate as evidence to get the charges dropped. Where is it? Her memory is jogged when the smoke alarm goes off in her bedroom and she yells, "Anyone for s'mores?"

      b: 27 Apr 91 pc: 154 w: Richard Vaczy & Tracy Gamble and Don Seigel & Jerry Perzigian s: Jim Vallely d: Matthew Diamond
    26. "Henny Penny -- Straight, No Chaser"
      gs: George Hearn [ Frank Nann ], David Jay Willis [ Delivery Boy ]

      Dorothy's plans to direct her school's production of "Henny Penny" hit a snag when the first grade cast is quarantined. Rather than forfeit a chance to get the other kids into reading, Dorothy insists the show must go on. The ladies all pitch in: Sophia is the narrator, Rose is Henny Penny and Dorothy is Turkey Lurkey. Even Blanche takes a respite from her Spring Break activities to play Goosey Loosey. The production seems to be back on track until Rose learns that the chickens die in the end. She balks at the fable's violence and tells Dorothy to get herself a new Henny Penny. Dorothy pitches "Henny Penny" as a way to show kids not everything works out the way you'd like it to. Rose reminisces about a kinder, gentler St. Olaf where fables were non-violent and had positive role models. She finally agrees to resume her role and the play goes off without a hitch...until the end. After Henny Penny, Turkey Lurkey and Goosey Loosey file off the meet their end in Foxy Loxy's den, Rose rushes back on stage and pleads with the audience to save the characters by clapping their hands. No response. She tries repeatedly until Dorothy and Blanche drag her off stage while she curses the little monsters with future bad dreams. The reviews come in; the play was a success. And every copy of Henry Penny was checked out of the library.

      b: 4 May 91 pc: 152 w: Tom Whedon d: Judy Pioli

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    The Golden Girls (7th Season Episode Guide)

    7th Season 1991

      Production credits:
      Co-executive producers: Marc Sotkin, Tracy Gamble, Richard Vaczy, Gail Parent, Tom Whedon
      Supervising producers: Don Seigel, Jerry Perzigian
      Produced by: Nina Feinberg
      Producers: Jamie Wooten, Marc Cherry, Mitchell Hurwitz
      Created by: Susan Harris
      Executive producers: Paul Junger Witt, Tony Thomas, Susan Harris
      Co-producers: John Ziffren, Mitchell Hurwitz, Jim Vallely, Kevin Abbott
      Associate directors: Tom Carpenter, Peter D. Beyt


    1. "Hey Look Me Over"

      As Rose rummages through boxes of junk she has collected over the years, she comes across Charlie's old camera with film still in it. Rose has it developed and discovers a photo of Blanche in bed with Charlie. Rose is devastated. She calls Blanche a "slut" and gives her the silent treatment. In her own defense, Blanche produces a journal she has kept over the years of all the men she has slept with. Her records show that she slept with a traveling salesman named Chuck. All evidence proves that Blanche did in fact sleep with Rose's deceased husband! Meanwhile, Sophia is showing signs of hearing loss and Dorothy is concerned. Sophia says her hearing is fine. Dorothy threatens to make her life "miserable" if she doesn't see a doctor. After the appointment, it turns out that Sophia's hearing is fine, but Dorothy needs a hearing aid. Dorothy has a tough time accepting that she is getting older and refuses to wear one. She eventually puts her stubbornness and vanity aside and gets a hearing aid - it's hardly noticeable. After days of ignoring and avoiding Blanche, Rose realizes that she can't let the past get in the way of their friendship. Blanche is like a "sister" to her. Rose apologizes and all is forgiven. Upon closer inspection of the photo, Dorothy discovers that the entire roll of film are double exposures. Blanche really didn't sleep with Charlie after all.

      b: 21 Sep 91 pc: 155 w: Mitchell Hurwitz d: Lex Passaris
    2. "The Case of the Libertine Belle"
      gs: Todd Susman [ Marlowe ], Tony Plana [ Alvarez ], Richard Roat [ Kendall ], Claudette Sutherland [ Posey ], Nicholas Kepros [ Maitre d' ], Zach Grenier [ Vaczy ], Leland Orser [ Waiter ], Gloria Cromwell [ Gloria ], Tim Haldeman [ Man ], Margery Nelson [ Woman ]

      Dorothy, Sophia and Rose join Blanche on a murder mystery weekend she has organized for the museum's annual outing. If the weekend is a success, Blanche hopes to impress Kendall Nesbitt, the museum's Director of Acquisitions, enough to be his hired as his assistant. Blanche would "kill" for this job, but Posey McGlinn, the other candidate, is her main competitor for the position. At the mystery dinner, no one is able to solve the mock murder. That is no one but Dorothy, who in a masterful sleuthing monologue solves the crime. All are impressed. After dinner, Blanche arranges for Kendall to drop by her room. Unfortunately, what was planned as a romantic rendezvous turns out to be a tragic one when Blanche finds Kendall lying on her bed murdered - with a knife in his chest...and guess who's the prime suspect. Blanche pleads her innocence to Dade County Police Lieutenant Alvarez, but after conducting a thorough investigation, he concludes that Blanche committed the murder. Dorothy comes to Blanche's aid and reprises her role as Sherlock Holmes. She establishes that in a fit of jealous rage, Posey killed Kendall over the assistant's job. Dorothy solves the case. But just as Alvarez book Posey, Kendall appears. It was yet another mock murder! Kendall thanks Blanche for making the museum's annual outing a success and assures her that she is still in the running for the job.

      b: 28 Sep 91 pc: 157 w: Tom Whedon d: Lex Passaris
    3. "Beauty and the Beast"
      gs: Alison Porter [ Melissa ], Edie McClurg [ Nurse DeFarge ], Barbara Alyn Woods [ Woman ], Robert Gould [ Stage Manager ]

      Sneezing herself off a stool, Sophia sprains both ankles. Dorothy is busy with a conference, Blanche has her seven-year-old granddaughter visiting, and Rose...well, Rose is Rose, so Dorothy hires Nurse Defarge from Shady Pines to help out. At first Sophia isn't crazy about the notion of Dorothy employing the "Angel of Death" but quickly acquiesces when she's able to manipulates Defarge. Nurse Defarge becomes so domineering that Dorothy fires her which immediately send Sophia into faked whelps of agony. Nurse Defarge pledges to stick by Sophia until she can walk again - Unfortunately for Sophia, Dorothy happens upon her walking to the coffee table for a magazine, ending the charade. Sophia explains that she enjoyed having someone look after her. Dorothy explains she makes Sophia do things for herself to keep her active and vital. Blanche, on the other hand, is trying to keep her granddaughter entertained, something she's never had to contend with since she sent her own children to boarding school. Dorothy suggest she do something for fun that they'd both enjoy; the zoo of circus. Completely missing the point, Blanche signs Melissa up for the Little Miss Miami Pageant, becoming so overbearing in her desire for Melissa to win that it's become painfully obvious to everyone that Melissa isn't having any fun at all. The pageant scene included a beautifully, underplayed cameo appearance by Lauren Wideman, as opposed to the shameless scene glutting by those Gamble kids. During the talent portion of the pageant, Melissa freezes in front of the audience. Blanche comes out and drags Melissa through her routine, ending in Melissa running off stage in tears. Blanche apologizes, wanting to keep their relationship from becoming what her and her daughter, Janet's has become: cold and distant. Melissa agrees to give her another shot at being "the best Grandma in the whole world."

      b: 23 Sep 91 pc: 158 w: Jamie Wooten & Marc Cherry d: Lex Passaris
    4. "That's For Me to Know"
      gs: Richard Stahl [ Don ]

      Dorothy is organizing a family history for the grandkids - to give them a "sense of pride." As she rummages through family memorabilia, Dorothy comes across a locked box that belongs to Sophia. After Sophia firmly tells Dorothy to stay away from the box, curiosity gets the best of her as she jimmies it open with a butter knife - behind Sophia's back. Inside, she finds a photo of Sophia in a wedding gown standing next to a groom who is not Dorothy's father! Dorothy feels she doesn't know her own mother. Meanwhile, Blanche is all aflutter over the installation of her new hot tub, and ignores Rose's suggestion of getting requisite city permits for construction. Feeling that this is dishonest, Rose has a city inspector pay the house a visit which infuriates Blanche. The inspector finds out, through Rose's big mouth, that aside from the hot tub permit, Blanche will need a boarding license (for renting to three people) and will have to make modifications to the home which could cost ten thousand dollars! It's either that ir lose a renter. Rose feels this is all her fault and decides to move out. Dorothy discovers a loophole where they can all stay without changing a thing - becoming co-owners. At first Blanche discards the idea, stating that it's her place which houses memories of her family. But Blanche eventually realizes that the ladies are her family now and generously agrees to co-ownership. After a day of name calling and shared feelings of betrayal, Sophia tells Dorothy the story of the wedding photo, and the arranged marriage set by her family. Sophia describes how she annulled the marriage two days later - the day she sailed to America. Embarrassed and disgraced by her own past, Sophia asks Dorothy not to put this in the family history, but she does - stating that Sophia was a courageous "pioneer in the woman's rights movement."

      b: 12 Oct 91 pc: 159 w: Kevin Abbott d: Lex Passaris
    5. "Where's Charlie?"
      gs: Tim Thomerson [ Stevie ]

      rc: Miles

      Rose thinks her dead husband, Charlie is trying to contact her from beyond the grave when she discovers all the cantaloupe's on one side of the fruit salad - a signal they had worked out before he dies. Miles gave Rose a ring that night, and Rose wonders if perhaps Charlie was upset with her decision to keep it, thereby sending the signal. The next morning Rose discovers Sophia eating the fruit salad. Distraught, Rose exclaims, "I'd give every last cent I have just to talk to Charlie one more time." Sophia pretends to channel Charlie in order to make a few extra bucks. Sophia confesses later to her prank and helps Rose realize that she alone knew Charlie best and that he wouldn't mind her seeing Miles because Miles can love her in a way he can't right now. Meanwhile, Dorothy is writing a letter to her dead father in hopes of being able to resolve old childhood emotions, and also to say goodbye, something she never got to do before he died. She discovers through this therapeutic process that her dad wasn't so bad after all and that it's not too late to tell her mother how much he loves her. Blanche, in the stylings of "Bull Durham," coaches her new beau, Stevie, a small time professional baseball player, into increasing his batting average by wearing women's lingerie under his clothing. The strategy works - maybe a little too well, Steve ends up looking like "Eydie."

      b: 19 Oct 91 pc: 156 w: Gail Parent & Jim Vallely d: Lex Passaris
    6. "Mother Load"
      gs: Peter Graves [ Jerry Scott ], Meg Wyllie [ Mrs. Scott ], Steve Landesberg [ Dr. Halperin ]

      rc: Stan

      Stan asks Dorothy to go counseling with him so that he can learn to let her go and live his life without her. He explains that his psychiatrist, Dr. Halperin, calls it "closure," and feels that he could achieve it more rapidly with Dorothy's participation. Besides the fact that they have about as much chance of achieving "closure" as Delta Burke's 501's, Dorothy feels it's just another "Stan" scheme to try and win her back. But Stan's sincerity eventually convinces her that this time he isn't pulling any tricks. Flip to Stan and Dorothy in Dr. Halperin's office with Stan on his knees begging her to come home to him. Dr. Halperin suggests that Stan's desire to be with Dorothy is actually an obsession he has with Sophia. Sophia represents Stan's mother who passed away before they could resolve things, so Stan needs to hear Sophia tell him that she loves him. Dorothy tricks Sophia into coming to counseling, where Sophia, surprisingly, discovers that she does love Stan, even after all the horrible things he put her family through. Meanwhile, Rose has accidentally picked up a daily planner from Jerry Kennedy, a newscaster at the station where she works. His birthday is in a couple of weeks and the station has planned a surprise roast. She invites him over to retrieve the planner in hopes of gleaning some funny personal information to use. Blanche ends up "picking" him up. They start dating, when Blanche receives a visit from Jerry's mother warning her to stay away from her baby. In order to prove that Jerry's not a mama's boy, Blanche arranges for him to come over and stand up to his mother in front of everyone. After a few rounds of verbal boxing between Blanche and Mrs. Kennedy, Jerry, indeed, stands up, tells his mother off, informing her that she'll no longer run his life, and that he be with the woman he loves...Christina, thanks to Blanche, who's helped him see the light.

      b: 26 Oct 91 pc: 160 w: Don Seigel & Jerry Perzigian d: Lex Passaris
    7. "Dateline: Miami"
      gs: Pat Harrington Jr. [ John ], Fred Willard [ Bob ], Lenny Wolpe [ Arnie ], Jesse Dabson [ Myron ], Lyn Greene [ Young Dorothy ], Richard Tanner [ Young Stan ], Margaret Reed [ Pregnant Woman ], May Quigley [ Woman ], Stan Roth [ Policeman ], Nick Ullett [ Waiter ]

      Dorothy has a date with the girls' doctor, which stimulates memories of the worst dates the others have had over the years: Rose remembers a blind date, Blanche remembers the New Year's Eve she spent with Rose, and Sophia remembers how Dorothy first told her she was pregnant.

      b: 2 Nov 91 pc: 163 w: Jamie Wooten & Marc Cherry d: Peter D. Beyt
    8. "The Monkey Show (1)"
      gs: Steve Landesberg [ Dr. Halperin ], Dinah Manoff [ Carol Weston ], Dena Dietrich [ Gloria ], Ed Hooks [ Stage Manager ], Jonathan Schmock [ Cop #1 ], Richard Reicheg [ Man ], Kay St. Germain [ Woman ], Matthew Saks [ Cop #2 ], Don Seigel [ Davey Cricket ], Bryan Norcross [ Himself ]

      rc: Stan, Uncle Angelo

      Due to Ida Pearlberg's telling leg cramp (which predicts hurricanes), Sophia and just about everyone octogenarian in Miami are preparing for disaster, even though there's no news of a hurricane. Sophia also prepares Dorothy for the arrival of her formerly rich, now broke, sister, Gloria, whom Dorothy hates. Once Dorothy finds out that Gloria is broke, she welcomes her arrival so she can rub her snooty nose in it. Meanwhile, Dorothy is attending her last therapy session with Stan who is slowly transferring his love for Dorothy to a stuffed monkey. Once at the psychiatrist's, Dr. Halperin suggests that the two of them not see or speak to each other for two years, to which Dorothy responds, "Ciao." In the meantime, Rose has arranged for the local television station to give her eight hours of air time for a telethon to save the McKinley Lighthouse. As Rose organizes the event and auditions acts, Blanche volunteers to help. Rose organizes the event and auditions acts, Blanche volunteers to help. Rose reluctantly lets her, feeling that she'll just turn the telethon into a man chasing/love fest. And she does, by not hiring any female acts. Dorothy returns back from the psychiatrist's on cloud nine. She and Stan made a deal not to see each other for two years. Dorothy's life is finally in order...that is until she walks into her bedroom and finds Gloria and Stan in bed together. - she faints.

      b: 9 Nov 91 pc: 161 w: Marc Sotkin & Mitchell Hurwitz d: Lex Passaris

      NOTE: Dinah Manoff crosses over in her character from Empty Nest.
    9. "The Monkey Show (2)"
      gs: Steve Landesberg [ Dr. Halperin ], Dinah Manoff [ Carol Weston ], Dena Dietrich [ Gloria ], Ed Hooks [ Stage Manager ], Jonathan Schmock [ Cop #1 ], Richard Reicheg [ Man ], Kay St. Germain [ Woman ], Matthew Saks [ Cop #2 ], Don Seigel [ Davey Cricket ], Bryan Norcross [ Himself ]

      rc: Stan, Uncle Angelo

      Dorothy, thinking she's awakening from a bad dream where Stan and Gloria were in her bed doing the sheet fandango, discovers the "bad dream" is standing in front of her wearing her silk robe. Stan explains that "a hurricane's a-comin'" and they felt scared and vulnerable. To make matters worse, Sophia feels that Stan and Gloria, as a couple, are great news. Dr. Halperin and his date, Carol Weston, arrive. Stan beeped him earlier to have him help sort through the problem. (Basically, Stan has substituted the traffic-cone monkey for Gloria) Later that day, Dorothy and Gloria have made up and are boarding up the house preparing for Hurricane Gil, when Gloria reveals she never would have given Stan a second look if it hadn't been for Ma's insistence. Dorothy's devastated. Sophia, hurt by Dorothy's angry words, goes out into the storm alone. Later, when the police start evacuating the neighborhood, Dorothy discovers her mother's missing. The only thing her search turns up is Stan and Gloria...in her bed, once again. Dorothy, Stan and Gloria go down to the television station to wait out the storm. Rose and Blanche are there single-handedly trying to put on the "Save the McKinnley Lighthouse" telethon. The only talent outside of Rose singing, 'I can't Believe I Grew A Hair There," is provided by Davey Cricket, (Played by Don Siegel) who chirped like a cricket in a pair of clingy tights, which still left everything to the imagination. During the telethon, they find out that the lighthouse has been destroyed by the storm. Dorothy and Stan talk and decide that their relationship works best when they're divorced. And because they share children and grandchildren, the two year plan won't work. Later, the police arrive with Sophia and Angelo. Sophia had gone to his apartment where they'd both been trapped by the storm. Sophia pulls Dorothy aside and apologizes for giving away her favorite stick toy to Gloria when they are children...That, and her ex-husband. Dorothy finds that the most important thing to her is having her entire family safe...and together.

      b: 9 Nov 91 pc: 162 w: Marc Sotkin & Mitchell Hurwitz d: Lex Passaris

      NOTE: Dinah Manoff crosses over in her character from Empty Nest.
    10. "Rose Loves Miles"
      gs: John P. Connolly [ Mort ], Harvey Vernon [ Barry ], Joe Mays [ Maitre d' ], David Pressman [ Waiter ], Phil Leeds [ Guido ]

      rc: Miles, Uncle Angelo

      "Fasten your seat belt, slut puppy. This ain't gonna be no cakewalk," Sophia threatens Blanche, who's been left in charge of her when Dorothy laves on a three day cruise. Sophia the "problem child" gets into everything, including destroying Dorothy's antique chest where she's stored a box filled with mementos; one being a list of things Sophia want to accomplish, written in 1920. The list includes a vow to make amends with Guido Spirelli, Sophia's first husband though an arranged marriage in Sicily, which she had annulled days later, and then sailed to America. Although preferring to send Sophia back to Shady Pines, Blanche, at wits end, settles for keeping the old lady busy by encouraging her to spend the next two or three days making things right with Guido through a letter. In the meantime, Rose has noticed a propensity towards cheapness with Miles. His early bird, two-for-one coupon-toting dinner specials are wearing thin. So she decides to step out with Blanche and her high-rolling Texan friends for an all-expense-paid night out. Miles catches her while picking up day-old eclairs for a dinner he's making for her next week. He storms out. Later that night, Blanche, caught up in naughty telephone talk with her big Texan friend, unknowingly waves Sophia off to Sicily. The next morning she discovers her mistake and calls Angelo, Sophia's brother, to help her locate Sophia. Meanwhile, Sophia has tracked down Guido in an old tavern and apologizes for ruining his life. He tells her to forget about it and she returns home. The only problem is now Blanche is in Italy searching for Sophia. back in Miami, Miles has invited Rose to dine in a fancy restaurant to prove he's changed. But apparently the only he's changed is his mind because he can't seem to help noticing how much everything costs. He ends up confessing to Rose that he visited his doctor last month who told him he'd probably live to be one hundred...and he's only budgeted until eighty. Rose understands and offers to pay for dinner every now and then.

      b: 16 Nov 91 pc: 164 w: Don Seigel & Jerry Perzigian, Richard Vaczy & Tracy Gamle d: Lex Passaris
    11. "Room Seven"
      gs: Sid Melton [ Sal ], Roy Brocksmith [ William ], Gibby Brand [ Man ], Don Stark [ Sheriff ]

      Blanche is distraught over the demolition of Grammy Hollingsworthy's plantation in Atlanta. The old place houses Blanche's fondest memories of her youth. Needing to bid the plantation a final farewell, Blanche and the Golden Girls journey to the deep south. Once there, Blanche visits her old room, Room 7, and confesses that she can't say good-bye. Her Grammy is in the room and speaks to her. With the wrecking crew outside and the plantation manager asking them to vacate, Blanche handcuffs herself to the radiator: "If they're going to blow up this place, they're going to have to do it with me in it." Prior to the trip, Sophia choked on a piece of candy and had an after-life experience. While in heaven, Sophia reunites with Sal, but God cuts the reunion short - it's not Sophia's time. Upset that she can't stay with her beloved husband, Sal assures Sophia they'll be together again and asks her to relay a message to Dorothy. But Dorothy does not accept Sophia's alleged journey heavenward and refuses to hear the message. Back at the plantation, just as the Sheriff arrives with cable cutters to remove the handcuff's, Blanche appears. She has given up her strike and tells the girls that Grammy paid her a visit: "She told me it was time." Upon their arrival home, Blanche is a changed woman. Serene...at one with herself. Dorothy eventually accepts that something "happened" to Blanche in that room, but still has a tough time believing Sophia's "white light" story. That is until Sophia gives Dorothy Sal's message: "Tell my little spumoni face...I'm proud of her." Dorothy is shocked. Only Sal and Dorothy know that nickname. Oooooooh, spooky!

      b: 23 Nov 91 pc: 165 w: Don Seigel & Jerry Perzigian and Richard Vaczy & Tracy Gamble d: Peter D. Beyt
    12. "From Here to the Pharmacy"
      gs: Bruce Kirby [ Bill ], Ed Call [ Security Guard ], Sergia Simone [ Woman ]

      Blanche, in a patriotic zeal, sent more men off to the Persian Gulf smiling than Pepsodent. One of the men, Bill, took a promise she made to heart and has returned to claim his prize: Blanche, as his one and only girl. She doesn't remember him but fakes it for his benefit. Bill takes her back to the place where they first "fell in love." His military formal wear, champagne, the setting and music make Blanche believe it's 1945 and anything with this man is possible - including monogamy. A visit from Bill the next morning on his way to work sends Blanche's mood into the deep freezer. It seems Bill is her local pharmacist. Although dashing in his military uniform, his skinny arms poking out of a pharmacist's smock shatters the military hero image she found so attractive. Blanche doesn't feel like she can dump him, after all, he went to war for America and it was his deep feelings for her that kept his spirits up. Meanwhile, Sophia is working on her will. Rose acts as her legal advisor until she spills the beans to Dorothy that Sophia has thirty-five thousand dollars stashed away that she got from Gloria and Phil over the years. Dorothy cuts off Sophia's allowance, making her pay her own way. In order to conserve her money, Sophia eats Dorothy's left over toast, runs errands for spending cash and threatens to sell a kidney on the black market. Blanche goes down to the pharmacy to try and get to know Bill better. Sophia tags along. While there, a Hispanic woman comes in. Her son has a fever and she's frantic. Bill calms her down, gives her free medicine and sends her to a doctor. T he kindness he shows touches Blanche. They talk about taking time to get to know one another...to build a real relationship, not something based on fantasy. In the meantime, they'll see other people. During all of this, Sophia manages to get busted by store security for scooping up the remains of Preparation H off the floor into her purse after she and another man struggled over it. Once home, Sophia explains to Dorothy that she's no being stingy with her money, she just wants to be able to leave her girls an inheritance. Dorothy buys Sophia another purse, deciding she likes taking care of her mother.

      b: 7 Dec 91 pc: 166 w: Gail Parent & Jim Vallely d: Lex Passaris
    13. "The Pope's Ring"
      gs: Steven Gilborn [ Priest ], Fred McCarren [ Detective ], Gene Greytak [ The Pope ]

      rc: Miles

      Sophia is off to see the Pope's Mass and has exchanged two bad tickets for one good ticket "way up front." Dorothy was looking forward to seeing the Pope, but Sophia explains that she had to trade in Dorothy's ticket to get close enough to the Pontiff to request a special blessing for her friend Agnes in the hospital. After the Mass, Sophia tells the girls how she snuck into the "crippled and lame" section to "cop a blessing," and just as she bent down to kiss the Pope's ring, security whisked him away, leaving the jewel encrusted ring in Sophia's hand! Dorothy demands that the ring be returned immediately, but Sophia feels that "this is a sign" and is "supposed to make a miracle." She eventually gives in and agrees to give it back. There's only one problem. Sophia lost the ring! In the meantime, Blanche gives Rose the "gift of suspicion" for her birthday and hires a private detective to follow Miles for two weeks. But once Miles finds out he's being watched, he becomes outraged: "This is an insult to me and to our relationship." That evening, Rose receives the detective's report - it states that Miles is going in for surgery - Rose panics. Dorothy helps Sophia retrace her steps, and figures out the ring isn't lost. Sophia had the ring in her possession the whole time and was using it as leverage to get the Pope to pick up the ring in person. But when one of the Pontiff's priestly entourage picks up the ring in proxy, Sophia's plans to get him to personally bless Agnes is extinguished. At the hospital, Rose finds out that Miles is having cosmetic surgery for his eyes. He's tired of looking old while working in a youthful environment. Rose is relieved that it's nothing serious, and knowing this means a lot to Miles, supports him. After visiting Agnes, Sophia stops by Miles' room to use his bathroom. Unfortunately, she misses the Pope walking down the hospital corridor blessing patients. Sophia's miracle came true!

      b: 14 Dec 91 pc: 167 w: Kevin Abbott d: Lex Passaris
    14. "Old Boyfriends"
      gs: Betty Garrett [ Sarah ], Ken Berry [ Thor ], Louis Guss [ Marvin ]

      Sophia's shopping for a man in a senior citizen's personals column. She opts for Marvin, a man that liked moonlit nights, romantic Italian dinners and remembers when Sinatra was skinny. Marvin arrives for their date with his sister, Sarah, in tow. Due to his poor eyesight, she drives him about, but she also tends to monopolize the conversations. Wanting to be alone with Marvin after several dates, Sophia invites him to the house where she instigates some hanky-panky. Uncomfortable, Marvin blurts out that Sarah isn't his sister, she's his wife. Sarah arrives and explains that she is legitimately seeking someone to take her place because she is dying, and she's chosen Sophia. Dorothy thinks this whole thing's nuts - Sophia'd be better off with a plant. Sophia likes Marvin and she's lonely, so why not give this a whirl? One evening Sarah tells Dorothy the whole story of how she and Marvin met. Sophia realizes how much these two are in love and that Marvin could never feel about her the way he does about Sarah. And that's what she really wants - what she had with Sal, so she declines their offer. Meanwhile, Rose gets a visit from Thor Anderson of St. Olaf. He reminisces about all of the dates they had in high school. Too embarrassed to admit she doesn't remember him, Rose invites Blanche to have dinner with them to ask Thor questions that she can't. Blanche can't believe a simple farmer's daughter can't remember a high school boyfriend, until Rose tells her she had fifty-six high school boyfriends. Rose never went all the way with them - just to "all the way rock" which had a mattress that she jumped up and down on - once. During dinner, Thor tells Blanche his nickname was "Skip" because he liked to skip. Rose remembers - she asked him to take her to a dance just to make Charlie jealous. Thor humiliated her by asking the band to play "Skip To My Lou." Thor pours his heart out; he saved money after Charlie's death to make this special trip to Miami to make Rose his woman. Wracked by guilt, Rose explains that she doesn't remember anything except that she used him to get Charlie. Thor gives her a goodbye kiss that does jar one memory: their first kiss under a haystack. Thor leaves a happy man. Blanche thinks it's romantic - a kiss unlocked Rose's memory. Rose responds, "The man didn't know how to kiss 40 years ago, and he doesn't know how to kiss today."

      b: 4 Jan 92 pc: 168 w: Jamie Wooten and Marc Cherry d: Peter D. Beyt
    15. "Goodbye, Mr. Gordon"
      gs: James T. Callahan [ Malcolm Gordon ], Jack Bannon [ Chuck ], Phil Proctor [ Ron ], Jana Arnold [ Pat ], Kent Zbornak [ Kent ]

      Dorothy is giddy as a schoolgirl when Mr. Gordon, her eleventh grade teacher, visits. Sophia remembers the huge crush Dorothy had on him, and recalls how she used to help him grade papers, do his laundry and even "rotate his tires." Once he arrives, Dorothy turns into a giggly seventeen year old all over again. During lunch, Mr. Gordon talks about an article he's writing and how he can't get his thoughts organized. Thinking that this will be like old times, Dorothy enthusiastically volunteers to help. Meanwhile, Rose has been promoted to associate producer of the "Wake Up Miami" show and is looking for two woman to join a panel discussion on "Women who LIve Together" - an idea Rose came up with. Blanche feels that this is the kind of exposure she's been looking for and volunteers for the panel. Dorothy follows. On the day of the taping, Mr. Gordon shows up to the studio and showers Dorothy with flowers and a good luck kiss - she's shocked. But once the cameras roll, Dorothy isn't the only one who's shocked $#151; the topic "Women Who Live Together" focuses on lesbians! After several days of staying mad at Rose, Blanche eventually forgives her - even though the only people asking Blanche out are women. In the meantime, Dorothy has invested days of diligent work on Mr. Gordon's article, he gives her an 'A'. But Dorothy's excitement grinds to a halt when Mr. Gordon shows up with the published article - it's Dorothy's work! He didn't change a thing...and took all the credit! Mr. Gordon assures Dorothy that the next time will be different, but Dorothy says there won't be a next time and asks him to leave. A hurt and used Dorothy tells Sophia that she always dreamed of Mr. Gordon swooping into her life like "Sir Lancelot," but now that fantasy is tarnished. Sophia explains that Dorothy gives too much, and in the end gets hurt. But keeping fantasies alive is a "part of life."

      b: 11 Jan 92 pc: 169 w: Gail Parent & Jim Vallely d: Lex Passaris
    16. "The Commitments"
      gs: Ken Howard [ Jerry ], Terry Kiser [ Don ], Biff Yeager [ Bellboy ]

      Dorothy wins tickets for Beatlemania on the same evening she's supposed to go out on a blind date. Being a huge Beatle fan, she asks Blanche to go on the date in her place. Dorothy has a wonderful time and brings a souvenir home from "Beatlemania"...Don, the man who plays Ringo. They have a torrid love affair at the house. Sophia doesn't like the British Invasion - calling Dorothy, "Yoko" Zbornak, when she breaks up the fake rock and roll group. Dorothy explains that Don has performed solo for awhile, and she simply encouraged him. After attending Don's premier, Dorothy sees that, as an individual performer, he stinks. Realizing she fell for the persona of Ringo instead of, Don, the person, she feels nothing but relief when Don tells her he's getting back with the band and continuing the "Beatlemania" tour. Meanwhile, Blanche takes Dorothy's place and goes out with Jerry. He's a knockout! It would have been a perfect evening, except that he didn't make a pass at her and made her pay for half the date. Jerry explains that his wife died and he hasn't dated in a while, so he read up on modern woman and found out she wants equality. Blanche sets him straight, "No, no, no. I want to be treated betterthan you." Although he's a widower and Blanche hates breaking them in, she gives him another chance. Again, he doesn't make a pass at her. She starts losing self-confidence. Blanche vows to the other women to get her man. Another date is scheduled and this time Blanche asks Jerry to pick her up at the Wikki Wikki Motor Lodge. Blanche invites him in for a drink and tries to seduce him. After exotic jungle music, a bubble machine and a trapeze that falls from the ceiling, Jerry leaves, exasperated. He later goes back to the house where he and Blanche talk. She asks him why he's never made a pass at her. He tells her he was afraid to. He finds her very attractive, but believes in an old-fashioned romance. "There's nothing sexier than a first kiss." Jerry demonstrates, making Blanche feel like a real lady.

      b: 25 Jan 92 pc: 170 w: Tracy Gamble & Richard Vaczy d: Lex Passaris
    17. "Questions and Answers"
      gs: Derek McGrath [ Coordinator ], Bill Erwin [ Mr. Hubbard ], Camila Ashland [ Mrs. Hubbard ], Merv Giffin [ Himself ], Alex Trebek [ Himself ], Johnny Gilbert [ Himself ], Raymond Forchion [ Prof. Bradley ], David Leisure [ Charlie Dietz ]

      "Alex Trebek and the "Jeopardy' people are auditioning contestants in Miami" and Dorothy plans to be the first one in line to sign up. Blanche decides to sign up, too, in hopes of meeting Alex Trebek. She's "never had a Canadian who wasn't on skates." On the day of the written test, Dorothy attacks her exam with zeal - Blanche can't get passed the first question. Two days later "Jeopardy" calls to tell an anxiously waiting Dorothy that she made it to the final round. Dorothy is ecstatic...and is equally happy to tell Blanche she failed. Dorothy has been cramming for the "Jeopardy" test all week and is exhausted. One night while studying, Dorothy drifts off to "Jeopardy" dreamland, where Alex Trebek moderates a game pitting Dorothy against Charlie Dietz ("Empty Nest") and four-time "Jeopardy" champion Rose Nylund...and losing!!! But the horror of her losing the "dream" game reverses the next day when she plays a final, mock try-out game like the Grand Poo-bah of Mensa. Unfortunately, she rubs her "Jeopardy" prowess in the other hopeful contestants faces. The coordinator is impressed with Dorothy's "body of knowledge," but decides not to move her on to the play "Jeopardy" on TV. He's afraid no one would "root" for her.

      b: 8 Feb 92 pc: 171 w: Don Seigel & Jerry Perzigian d: Lex Passaris

      NOTE: David Leisure crosses over in his character from Empty Nest.
    18. "Ebbtide VI: The Wrath of Stan"
      gs: Lane Davies [ Peterson ], Jackie Swanson [ Tracy ], Art Metrano [ Judge ], David Doty [ Police Officer ]

      rc: Stan, Uncle Angelo

      Uncle Angelo comes over to talk to Dorothy about the giant bug problem he's having, caused by some tenants who recently moved out and left food in their apartment. Rose explains that Dorothy and Blanche have taken Sophia out for their annual show buying spree. Not realizing that Dorothy and Stan are the apartment building owners through an inheritance, Rose arranges for Angelo's story to be on the nightly news. Dorothy arrives home to discover she's been dubbed "Big Mean Bug Lady," Miami's newest slumlord. She and Stan are dragged to court by the city, but in order to remain more identifiable with the middle class, Stan dumps his high profile attorney, Marvin Mitchelson, in lieu of Tracy, an inexperienced, 36-26-36 blonde attorney he met in a bar. She's no match against killer, public defender, Peterson, who gives the witnesses really dumb compliments so they let down their guard and he can nail them. Stan and Dorothy are sentenced to live in apartment 3C until it is brought up to code. While there, Stan reminisces about the good times they shared, culminating in a pass at Dorothy. They decide to relive old times in the bottom bunk, but first Dorothy encourages Stan to break house arrest and to get wine. When he leaves, she locks him outside the apartment to tangle with the gun-toting guard. The apartment is brought up to code and Dorothy comes home. She confides in Sophia that there was a point she thought about going to bed with Stan, and wonders if she'll ever not have old feelings for him. Sophia points out that she's wearing her "old lady" shoes again, even after all the complaining she did that it's the only kind Dorothy ever buys ever. They're comfortable and familiar, and that's what Stan is to Dorothy.

      b: 15 Feb 92 pc: 172 w: Marc Sotkin d: Lex Passaris
    19. "Journey to the Center of Attention"
      gs: Jane Dulo [ Myrtle ], Ann Nelson [ Eva ], Don Mirault [ Ron ], Warren Munson [ Frank ], Kevin Brief [ Roger ], Gregory White [ Bartender ]

      When Dorothy settles in for another quiet night in front of the TV, Blanche rescues her from the "Amazing Discoveries" special on corn, and takes her to the Rusty Anchor. Dorothy reluctantly concedes, feeling that she'll be awkward and uncomfortable; and once there her instincts prove correct. But when the piano player persuades Dorothy to sing a song, the shell she was hiding under when she arrived, now sits next to the baby grand. In fact, Dorothy journey's back to the Rusty Anchor each day that week to perform and be the center of attention. Blanche is stunned. She is now playing second fiddle to Dorothy! Meanwhile, Sophia comes back from a friend's funeral and gets a crazy idea to have a wake in her honor - while still living. She wants to be alive ti hear her loved ones salute her "grace, wit and inner beauty." But the wake backfires when Rose forgets to print on the invitations that Sophia is still alive! Once the guests arrive and see Sophia breathing, the last thing they want to do is salute her "grace, wit and inner beauty." Blanche decides to fight fire with fire, and prepares a sexy, seductive singing number to perform at the Rusty Anchor. But when her act bombs, Blanche runs off crying. Dorothy catches up with her in the ladies room and finds out that Blanche is desperately jealous of her. "You can attract men in a way I can't," she states. When Blanche asks Dorothy to give up the Rusty Anchor she refuses. Dorothy likes the attention. Her self-esteem is riding high. So they agree to alternate nights. Dorothy confesses that a day doesn't go by when she's not jealous of Blanche.

      b: 22 Feb 92 pc: 173 w: Jamie Wooten & Marc Cherry d: Lex Passaris
    20. "A Midwinter Night's Dream (1)"
      gs: Hank Brandt [ Brent ], Doug Ballard [ Policeman ], Marius Weyers [ Derek ], Neal Lerner [ Rabbi ], Tony Segreto [ Himself ], Kristy McNichol [ Barbara Weston ], Dinah Manoff [ Carol Weston ]

      rc: Miles

      Blanche throws a moonlight madness party in honor of the leap year's full moon. Sophia's suddenly hit with the memory of Lena Pacerelli casting the "Curse of the Strega" upon Dorothy. Lena caught the cold from Dorothy that eventually killed her. In order to reverse the spell and save Dorothy from doom, Sophia must perform three tasks before midnight on the leap year's full moon: Kiss a fool, help a holy man, and reveal betrayal of a loved one. Dorothy thinks it's superstitious nonsense. At the party Blanche is convinced the moon is making everyone crazy. All the men are avoiding her and flocking to her roommates instead. Hurt, she starts to leave to go sulk in her room, when a handsome Brit, Derek, intercepts her and decidedly turns the evening around. Rose pulls Miles aside to tell him about a fifteen thousand dollar "honeymoon package" she just won. It includes a trip to Paris. Miles suggests, since they were eventually going to get married someday anyway, why don't they just do it now? Rose promptly gets down on one knee and asks Miles to marry her. He accepts and they announce it at the party. Sophia, determined to save Dorothy, discovers a man who thins Rose is smart. Figuring him for a "fool," she kisses him. Next, she trips a Rabbi, and then "helps the holy man" up. Then, in order to fulfill the third and final requirement - revealing the betrayal if a loved one, she tries to stir up trouble between the Weston sisters. Meanwhile, Dorothy stumbles upon Miles on the lanai, having second thoughts about marrying Rose. He and Dorothy laugh about his doubts, and then end up kissing passionately - witnessed by Sophia. "Hello Judas!"

      b: 29 Feb 92 pc: 174 w: Kevin Abbott & Tom Whedon d: Lex Passaris

      NOTE: Guest stars McNichol and Manoff cross over in their characters from Empty Nest.
    21. "A Midwinter Night's Dream (2)"
      gs: Hank Brandt [ Brent ], Doug Ballard [ Policeman ], Marius Weyers [ Derek ], Neal Lerner [ Rabbi ], Tony Segreto [ Himself ], Kristy McNichol [ Barbara Weston ], Dinah Manoff [ Carol Weston ]

      rc: Miles

      The moonlight madness continues when Dorothy and Miles pull apart from their impetuous kiss and come face to face with guilt and betrayal. Dorothy confesses the kiss to Sophia, but to Dorothy's surprise, Sophia saw it all. In fact, Sophia can't wait to relay the betrayal to Rose in order "satisfy all the terms of the Curse if the Strega." Later at the party Rose witnesses Miles and Dorothy barking at each other - a direct result of the kiss. When Rose confronts the two, Miles looks out for Rose's feelings and blurts out that Dorothy stole five hundred dollars from him. Rose asks Dorothy to give the money back and has them kiss and make up. They do so...awkwardly. Sophia enters and tells Rose that she saw Miles and Dorothy kiss. Rose responds, "I saw them kiss. It's no big deal." The curse is over. Blanche announces that she has met the man of her dreams - Derek, a smooth talking Brit, who unbeknownst to Blanche, is also a thief. When Blanche notices that Derek and her expensive necklace are missing, the police arrive with him in custody - he stole Blanche's car. Derek smooths talks his way into persuading Blanche not to press charges. In fact, Derek wants to start all over again with Blanche and returns the necklace. When Blanche leaves to lock her jewels in the safe, Derek notices Rose's earrings and turns on the charm. Rose falls victim to Derek's savoir faire, and as they kiss, he makes his move for her earrings. But when the police show up to apprehend Derek, (he's wanted for jewelry theft in four states), he's gone. Dorothy's guilty conscious get the best of her, and confesses kissing Miles on the lanai. Rose doesn't see anything wrong with friends kissing - or "strangers" for that matter. Rose feels that Miles kissed Dorothy because he was nervous about getting married, and Dorothy kissed Miles because she would miss living with Rose when she and Miles tied the knot. Rose and Miles decide to postpone the wedding until they're ready.

      b: 29 Feb 92 pc: 175 w: Kevin Abbott & Tom Whedon d: Lex Passaris

      NOTE: Guest stars McNichol and Manoff cross over in their characters from Empty Nest.
    22. "Rose: Portrait of a Woman"
      gs: Tom Villard [ Randy Beder ], Keone Young [ Mr. Tanaka ], Angelo Tiffe [ Harry ], Gloria Dorson [ Lillian ], Glen Vernon [ Charles ], Dylan Lawrence [ Student ], Robert Yacko [ Don ]

      rc: Miles

      It's Miles' birthday. Blanche tells Rose to chuck the golf club she's wrapping and give Miles a gift that says "you're my one and only." Boudoir photography! It's worked twenty, thirty times for her. After being convinced a red flannel nightgown isn't the type of thing that makes a man's libido stand up and say "Hello der," Rose lets Blanche select her lingerie. Rose gives Miles the gift just as a group of academics from the college drop by to wish him a happy birthday. Against Rose's protests, Miles opens the gift in front of the men. She runs out, humiliated. Later, Miles tells Rose hoe much he loves the picture. Meanwhile, Dorothy's in charge of the teachers booth at Career Day. She's not sure hoe she can convince students to join the teaching profession when, due to low budgets and over crowding, she finds it less than rewarding herself. While there, she bumps into one of her old, good-off students, Randy Stewart. He's now a successful business owner, and as a special thank you to "Atilla The Sub" for turning his life around, he offers Dorothy a lucrative job as a highly paid motivational trainer. Dorothy accepts. Sophia's so proud, she's actually admitting to friends that she has another daughter named Dorothy, and with the increase in her allowance, purchases a big screen TV which she named Tanya. But Camelot ends, sending Tanya back to the store, when Dorothy finds out the job's a joke. Her seminars are merely a way for the company to legitimately write off a week in Florida for top employees. She decides to go back to teaching high school, a place where she truly makes a difference.

      b: 7 Mar 92 pc: 176 w: Robert Spina d: Lex Passaris
    23. "Home Again, Rose (1)"
      gs: Jessica Lundy [ Janet ], Lou Wagner [ Larry ], Rudolph Willrich [ Pete ], Paul Solomon [ Man ], Marco Roccuzzo [ Man #1 ], Kevin Cooney [ Man #2 ], David Cromwell [ Man #3 ], Robyn Faye Bookland [ Sarah ], Linden Chiles [ Dr. Thompson ], Audree Chapman [ Nurse ]

      When Rose misses her high school reunion because she was ill, Blanche arranges for her to go to East Miami High's 40th class reunion so she wouldn't feel left out - and at the same time give Blanche and Dorothy an opportunity to meet men. When Dorothy expresses her fear of getting caught, Blanche explains the class o '52 won't remember each other, but just in case, checks out old high school yearbooks so they can study up on who was senior class president, quarterback of the football team, class slut, etc. Once at the reunion, the ladies put on nametags from the "no show" table and begin role-playing. Dorothy notices Rose, or should I say "Kim Fung-Toi," looking peeked. Rose states that she's fine, it's just "the excitement of seeing my old friends." Unfortunately, as Dorothy mingles, she realizes the name on her nametag ("Cindy Lou") has a life as boring as hers. But when the senior class president announces "Cindy Lou" as the prom queen, Dorothy bathes in the spot light as she is escorted to her throne. But the spot light dims when she's accused of being an impostor...as well as Sophia. As the commotion and excitement heighten, Rose feels a sharp pain in her arm and collapses. Later at the hospital, Blanche blames herself for pushing Rose into going to the reunion and prays to God that if Rose pulls through, she'll give up sex. When the ladies learn that Rose had a mild heart attack. Rose asks them to see to it that her head is frozen when she dies - Rose wants to preserve her brain. They agree. Rose then makes the ladies promise they'll get their heads frozen, too - so they can one day be together again. They reluctantly agree. The day Dorothy, Sophia, and Blanche arrive to take Rose home, they find her room and bed empty. Rose went into cardiac arrest and is being prepared for surgery.

      b: 25 Apr 92 pc: 177 w: Gail Parent d: Peter D. Beyt
    24. "Home Again, Rose (2)"
      gs: Lee Garlington [ Kristen ], Jessica Lundy [ Janet ], Paul Collins [ Dr. Shrewsbury ], Audree Chapman [ Nurse ], Robyn Faye Bookland [ Sarah ]

      The women wait anxiously while Rose is prepped for triple bypass surgery. They're not allowed in to see her, plans are being made regarding her future without their input, all because they're not considered family. They sit by helplessly, comforting each other in the waiting room with stories of Rose. At one point they laugh at Rose's attempt at theater: "Lamb! A Comedy Adventure with Mint Jelly." Dorothy recreates her role, singing, "I Am The Wolf - Boom, Boom," when Kirsten, Rose's daughter, walks in. She interprets their behavior as being insensitive and uncaring, further ostracizing the women, too. Between the women's support and her mother's request, Kirsten realizes how much of a true family they are. Rose comes through surgery and, with Kirsten's help, the ladies are allowed in to see her. Rose is still under anesthesia, having a dream about all of them having had their heads frozen when they dies and then reactivated one hundred years later. When she becomes conscious, the ladies are more than happy to listen to her incoherent babbling...it's like old times. It's Rose's homecoming day. While waiting for her arrival, Janet asks her mother, Blanche, to respect her wishes on raising Sarah. She'd just like to try some things differently. Blanche agrees. Rose arrives to a whispered "surprise." She goes to say hello to Sophia in the kitchen. The only thing she sees is Sophia's head poking above the butcher block table, reminding her of her dream. Rose yelps and Sophia pops up with the knife she dropped icing the "welcome home" cake. They have a warm, group hug - grateful just to be able to.

      b: 2 May 92 pc: 178 w: Jim Vallely d: Peter D. Beyt
    25. "One Flew Out of the Cuckoo's Nest (1)"
      gs: Leslie Nielsen [ Lucas ], Earl Boen [ Reverend ]

      rc: Stan

      Having made a date with a complete stranger the day her Uncle Lucas arrives in town to visit, Blanche flatters Dorothy into going out with him, insisting Lucas is "dying to meet" her. Once on the blind date, Dorothy and Lucas sit at Don's Crab House completely bored. When Dorothy breaks the awkward chit-chat confessing that she agreed to go out with Lucas when she heard he was "dying to meet" her, Lucas states that he went out tonight because Blanche said Dorothy was "dying to meet" him. As they share a laugh at being duped and stories of who's the bigger "loser," they decide to get back at Blanche by telling her they're getting married. "A Brooklyn Italian living in Hollingsworth Manor - she'll flip!" The next day Lucas shows up with flowers and, in front of everyone, proposes to Dorothy - "Aunt Dorothy" to Blanche. Blanche determines to nip this in the bud once and for all. The next night when Dorothy and Lucas come back from another prank date (an enjoyable one at that), Rose announces that since Dorothy and Sophia are moving to Atlanta with Lucas, she's going to move in with her daughter Kirsten. Blanche cries out to the mischievous couple that because of their "dollar ninety-eight romance" they're destroying a family! Dorothy and Lucas realize the charade has gone too far, and decide to break up in front of her. But when Blanche overhears them telling each other that their short time together has been the "lightest and brightest" in recent times, and that it seems to both that they've known each longer than three days, Blanche steps in and puts her petty, selfish concerns aside. After she toasts their union, Lucas asks Dorothy to marry him...this time for real. Dorothy accepts. Sophia watches on confused: "Is it my stroke, or did they do this already?"

      b: 9 May 92 pc: 179 w: Don Seigel & Jerry Perzigian & Mitchell Hurwitz d: Lex Passaris
    26. "One Flew Out of the Cuckoo's Nest (2)"
      gs: Leslie Nielsen [ Lucas ], Earl Boen [ Reverend ]

      rc: Stan

      Lucas and Dorothy finally get a private moment together before their wedding tomorrow. But their kiss is interrupted by the flash of Sophia's Polaroid camera: "You know, pussycat, I think he's just crazy enough to show up tomorrow." The Golden Girls gather to say their last goodbyes: Sophia's moving to Atlanta with Dorothy, and Rose is moving in with her daughter. But Dorothy insists, "This is not goodbye. We'll see each other again." Later, Blanche and Rose say their goodbyes on the lanai, out of Dorothy's earshot, and this time the flash of Sophia's Polaroid camera interrupts their embrace. Rose expresses her misgivings about moving in with her daughter, and Blanche asks Rose to stay with her, since they're family. Sophia looks at the picture she took and realizes how much she's going to miss them.

      On Dorothy's wedding day she's surprised with a ride to the church in a limo. She assumes Lucas sent it, but we see it's being driven by Stanley Zbornak as his wedding gift to the one woman he will always love. Dorothy walks down the aisle to Lucas, the man she loves. After the ceremony, while Dorothy does some last minute packing in her room, Sophia joins her and tells her that she's decided to stay with Rose and Blanche. She feels she butted in too much in the first marriage and that newlyweds need their privacy; besides, the others can't manage without her. Dorothy thanks Sophia for giving her the self-confidence needed to try again -- it gave her Lucas. Dorothy leaves for her new life and we're left to watch a timeless Polaroid picture develop of four marvelous ladies, sitting at a kitchen table, as always eating cheesecake.

      b: 9 May 92 pc: 180 w: Don Seigel & Jerry Perzigian & Mitchell Hurwitz d: Lex Passaris

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    NOTES

    The first draft of this guide was constructed from the copyright files of the Library of Congress and taped episodes from the (infrequent) reruns of the series in my area, with additional information from the on-line information regarding reruns on Lifetime. Information on first transmission dates and guest stars has now been updated from the 1990-1991 season data in Frank Lovece's The Television Yearbook, and from the complete series information provided in Bill Cotter's The Wonderful World of Disney Television. Thanks to Hayden M. Clark and all the others who supplied missing credits from the later seasons.


    Disclaimer: We have no connection with the show. We are just providing information, which we hope other fans will find useful. Any corrections, updates or other comments about this guide may be sent to: Russell Wodell rustle49@hotmail.com.
    The home site for this guide is http://epguides.com/.
    This guide may be distributed and copied freely, in its entirety, for personal use. All original author and copyright information must remain intact. Any sales or other uses of this document are expressly forbidden, without the specific consent of the author(s).
    Text Copyright © 1997-2001, Russell Wodell. All rights reserved.